I can't believe she did this

[Hopalong]

Tupp,

I am sharpening my gardening shears.

Just in case you need backup.

Hops

[JudyK]

 Your mother is BEYOND evil!

[Twoapenny]

Walked six miles today and am feeling better for it!  Maybe it's what I need to do everyday till this is all done.  Ami, Bones, thank you ((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))

Mo2 - There's a different officer dealing with the case now.  I spoke to her, she seemed very nice on the phone.  She's talked me through making a statement, told me to write down notes before hand so that I can be sure I've told them everything and said we can stop as often as we need to and if we need to do three, four, five visits to get it all done that's fine.  She was very nice about the whole thing and sounded like she knows what she's doing, which is always reassuring.  Your advice about deaing with what's in front of me is great and I am doing just that now - trying not to think about all the possibilities and just focusing on right now.  It helps a lot.  I'm going to speak to the police about a protection order when I see them later in the week, they seem to think this is fairly easy to sort out and shouldn't be a problem, so fingers crossed. Thank you (((((()))))

BWM, thank you.  What goes around comes around is very true.  I've always worried in the past about 'dealing' with my parents because they are older, retired etc and I feel bad - they aren't as strong as they used to be.  But then I realised that when all of this was going on I was very young and vulnerable and they made choices that they didn't have to make - no-one forced them to do the things they did.  So I feel better about it - there are always consequences and if they now have a difficult experience because of this that's down to them to deal with.

Hops - Lol!  I may need them, I will let you know!  Thank you xx

Judy - You may be right there.  Fortunately I don't seem to be a lot like her so hopefully I will be a better person than she is.  Thank you.

Thanks again everyone for all of your thoughts and good wishes, it's helped so much.  Thank you.

[nolongeraslave]

We all knew it would work out for you, twoapenny! (bless the ability to finally trust our instincts!) Your NM was using scare tactics, but thank heavens you got to talk to the officer yourself.

You lived through NM and a pedophile...you're strong enough to handle this. Hugs.

[Ami]

Thinking of you, ((((Twoapenny))). I admire your courage, very much!                        xxxoo  Ami

[Twoapenny]

Bad news all round - police are not taking any action at all.  Very disinterested, not willing to put any leg work in, have said immediately that there isn't enough evidence to bring to court so they will arrest him if I want them to but it would be opening a big can of worms and my mum could make life very difficult for me so do I really want to bother?  They're just thinking about what's best for me - sometimes it's better to concentrate on your life and dealing with it day to day rather than worrying about court cases - quote, unquote.  Big waste of time all round and rather regretting bothering at the moment.  Sorry not to have anything more positive/useful to post.  Love to all caring, understanding people who aren't tied up in red tape and can still experience life in the real world! xxx

[Ami]

You did the best you could (((Twoapenny). I guess the saying'The Best Revenge is a Life well lived" fits here. May we all ,on the Board,have lives well lived " AMEN.       xxxooo   Ami

[Twoapenny]

Thanks Ami ((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))

Spoke to the police again today and had a really bizarre conversation; she seemed to be giving me a hard time?  I wanted to confirm they weren't going to do anything and that my mum wouldn't find out seeing as now they're saying they can't protect me from what she does and we had this bizarre, convuluted conversation where she just wouldn't confirm what she said yesterday and just kept saying she couldn't guarantee anything?  It was really odd, yesterday they said there was nothing they could do and today she was saying she couldn't be sure that was the case.  She then suggested I consider moving - I'd like to swear but will remember my manners - so as to avoid any future harrassment.  I asked her why I should uproot my son when I haven't done anything wrong and she said she never said that she was just saying there are things to consider?  The whole conversation was really strange and I felt like she was having a go at me about nothing.  She also talked about the child protection stuff my mum's been engineering for years and didn't seem to think it was a big deal because he didn't go on the at risk register.  I had to fight tooth and nail for five months to prove what she was saying about me was false and two and a half years on I'm still fighting to have false information removed from the records but she just didn't seem to get how stressful or horrible the whole things been.  Can understand why people don't report abuse now, I feel like I'm the one that's done something wrong?  Very bizarre.  Hops, I might need those shears after all!

[Ami]

Nothing with an N makes sense or has any kind of wonderful human qualities like love, kindness, peace or joy. It is  hateful ,ugly and destructive.
 You are not at all like that. I can tell. The DONM's are so different, usually, than the NM's. Sending you peace and love, Twoapenny.
                                                  xxxooo Ami

[Hopalong]

Hi Tupp,
I find that many authority figures to whom one turns to "make things right" about the Ns in our lives may generally help, but in specifics, they may also waffle. Especially when we're yearning for justice, for someone to Officially Declare that we are INNOCENT and the N was GUILTY...it can be maddening.

Even my own attorney, whom I like very much and who does get me (and get my Nsociopath brother)...will change his mind, slide sideways on things. The truth is, he just doesn't know for sure, and he is trained to avoid making solid commitment-type statements.

There's no real external resolution. But I'm still delighted you have been checking out what's possible.

(And personally, I like very much the idea of him being arrested. Even if that's all that ever happened. It breaks their myth apart.)

May not be the right move for you, however. I don't know...

Wafflingly, but supportively,

Hops

[Twoapenny]

Hi both, and thanks ((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))) Just very frustrated that my mum is able to cause huge amounts of pain with her lies yet I can't get anything done by telling the truth?  Seems really wrong.  My sister is furious; I've never seen her this angry before but she's outraged that they won't do anything.  The whole experience was horrible from start to finish and I felt they were really trivialising what happened.  My memories about some of it are patchy so I didn't want to stray onto 'that' territory and prefered to stick to what I remember clearly which is more minor but none the less, I think vomiting when you see a picture you took twenty years ago indicates that the incident was pretty traumatic?  Have been pretty hacked off and staying home licking my wounds but I know from experience that it gets better over time and I'm taking my boy to a tractor show tomorrow - not top of everyone's wish list but he loves that kind of thing and if he's happy, I'm happy   You never know, maybe they'll be there and I can get the tractor driver to run them over

[lighter]

I'm so sorry twopenny.

When I read the police seemed helpful, something inside me began to worry.

I don't know why protecting victims seems like a chore and something the police absolutely refuse to do, but....

I think it has a lot to do with N's making accusations on the other side, like what your mother accused you of regarding child and family services and your son.

Lots of accusations are made by liars about molestation and sexual abuse also.

It makes it that much more difficult to prosecute and believe, frankly.

If you can, please do have your step father arrested, for yourself.

You deserve to be heard and he deserves to be in the public spotlight for harming you.

I'm glad your sister continues to support you.  If anyone knows what happened in your home, she does.

Also, moving and making yourself very difficult to locate, when this is done and over, may be the best idea for you and your son.

Your mother can't continue to make false accusations if you're out of Sate, yes?

She can't harm you if she doesn't know where you are.

It seems unfair that family members should be allowed to terrorize other family members like this, unchecked by the law, but there it is.  It's a sad situation we're dealing with and there don't appear to be any checks and balances.... only distance and hoping the bad guys find someone else to abuse, so they forget about you.

That's terrible, I know.... but the truth.

So sorry ((((twopenny))))

Justice isn't about justice, I'm afraid.

[Twoapenny]

Hi Mo2,

The problem is if I have him arrested my mum will immediately phone at least three different agencies - social services, eucation welfare and the benefits agency - which means I'll have three investigations to cope with at the same time.  I can't cope with that whilst knowing he'll be released without charge - which then makes it look like I was lying just to cause trouble.   Previous investigations are used against you - no smoke without fire - as are my previous mental health problems - prejudice, bigotry and discrimination are never in short supply when dealing with mental health in the UK.  This is what also makes moving away pointless - my son's disabled and home educated so at the very least we have to register with a GP and the local education welfare department.  I moved 200 hundred miles away before and she simply contacted the hospital in our area - she didn't know the names of anyone we were registerd with but if you file a concern they locate the child and pass the information on, so moving doesn't stop what she does - in fact that too has been used against me because we have moved house so often.

I still feel upset, angry, fed up about the whole thing but do you know what?  Seeing me happy, successful and out of her control is a huge problem for her and that gives me great pleasure so I'm going to concentrate on building a fabulous life without her in it

Thank you !  You're all fabulous and incredibly supportive.  It always amazes me that people who have been through so much have so much to give to other people, but thank heavens for that.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[lighter]

Those who tell the truth, follow the rules, and care about their children, truly are at the mercy of those who lie and lash out.

I'm so sorry there's no protection or recourse for you.

What makes you think your silence will keep your mother from filing more reports?

(((twopenny and son)))

My heart goes out to you both.

Mo2



 

[Twoapenny]

Hi Mo2,

You are probably right but I am so tired of it all right now I just want to hide under the sofa and never come out again.  I feel like I'm always trying to do the right thing and trying to get out of my situation (ie feeling like a victim and feeling powerless) but it's like there's always someone there with a big stick bashing me and saying "get back in your box!  You've no right to live a good life!!".  My son was an unplanned baby and I was pretty wild back then; not the sort of person you'd think would be a good mum.  But I've really busted a gut trying to be a good mum to him and give him a good life and part of that is dealing with what happened when I was younger - and it feels like other people want to stop that happening?  Maybe now just isn't the right time - maybe I don't believe I deserve to be heard yet?  Tired of thinking all the time!  But my brain just goes and goes and goes and I never seem to be able to switch it off.  I can understand why people drink!!

Thanks for your thoughts and you input, I really appreciate it xxx