Ami - I had a great attitude of hard work, letting things go, not standing up to authority etc. I got every job I wanted but they all became very disrespectful, dead end environments. I used to feel good the way that I was - but it was causing me problems in work and love. I always did everything asked of me at work and more and had a good attitude even when I was being criticized and abused because this is the treatment I learned from my "loving" NMother. I took me a awhile to see that the disrespect, negativity, put downs, insults, criticism and verbal abuse I was attracting came from my dysfunctional relationship with her. I mistakenly and blindly thought that the movie business was tough, you had to pay your dues, all this abuse build character, you have to work extremely hard to succeed, endure hardships, etc. - and some of it is true - but thats what I was told/taught and I'm now learning its not completely true. This dynamic was just about me and not being good enough. I know better now. I was made to feel bad to stand up for myself, so I can relate to what you are saying. I always envied people who had better love and work relationships and seemed to attract respect. I felt that I gave alot of respect to the people I worked for and yet, I was disrespected in return.
I don't feel good, anymore about the way I was (and I was kind of blind to it and thought it was minor, its not, it has slowly been robbing me of my future)- and its actually been hard for me to find another job now because I am not fully sure "how to be" just yet. I am not fully certain of the words, body language, my approach that might give me away before I walk into the door. I think the mistake was just not standing up for myself when things came up - it may not be entirely about the other things I mentioned, but I'm just learning. Sealynx had a great comment in the thread about priorites/the dog whisperer which is exactly what I am trying to learn.
Ami - are you still wrestling with the problems of giving up the old ways/learning new ways or just the fallout of being co-dependent? I'm in the giving up old ways part. Good luck to you!
