Is this normal?

[angrygirl]

I am the daughter of a Nmom and when my husband and I have an argument or disagreement, I always wonder what he is doing with me. I feel that I am basically not good enough for him and he deserves more - is this a common feeling for a child of N parent/s?

[OnlyMe]

That's exactly what happens here in our home, as well -
I wouldn't say it's normal  
but it definitely is the way I feel, as well.  

Problem is that we need to learn to see all that is GOOD in ourselves, accept that we are Good, and erase the tapes in our heads that are full of all the lies that we were told my our sick NMothers.
Hope it helps to know that you aren't the only one reacting that way.
Welcome to the group.  How unfortunate that this is the tie that binds us together, though.

[angrygirl]

Thank you so much for replying. I have been posting like an obnoxious fool tonight and no one has responded.  So you have an N mom? Can I ask a few questions?

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way. Keep thinking my husband loves me and some day he'll "snap" out of it. Been like that with me since I started dating men. Can't understand why he would love me. Bless his heart, he's a saint.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for replying. I have been posting like an obnoxious fool tonight and no one has responded.  So you have an N mom? Can I ask a few questions?

In your very first post you state your husband brings home the book "Children of the Self Absorbed" today, and today you found your way here, and in the space of a few hours you start five new threads. Clipping along at quite a pace I'd say. I would suggest in order to keep your credibility and to allow others to catch up with you , why not try  containing your questions to one thread for the time being? Also , you might take time to go back to past posts and read what others have already asked and replied to.

Other than that, you can find a great deal of help and support here.

[Anonymous]

Angry Girl, you are very welcome here. Don't worry about writing lots of threads. You'll get the hang of it. Lots of people here have been here months and can help you. Give us a chance and at least a few days, because we're not all online at the same time; we're from all over the world. Sometimes threads get replies days, weeks or months later and it's all okay! Again, a very warm welcome to you.

[Anonymous]

Yes Angry Girl, many of us have felt or still do feel that we are ‘not good enough’. You might see it being expressed here from time to time when we have conflicts. We’re all messy, fallible human beings here, with truckloads of different problems and histories.

Ask as many questions as you want to. Sadly, lots of people here have or had Nmoms. What’s your next question Angrygirl?

[angrygirl]

Thank you for all the responses.  I am sure you will be seeing a lot of posts by me as I just found this site.  

Thanks again,
Angrygirl

[Ellie]

Hi angrygirl,

I know exactly what you are feeling - overwhelmed, amazed that others know what you feel, sad that this is not just a one family issue, but rampant, hurt that you put up with the Nmom for all these years and didn't know better......

I was attached to this board and all my books when I first discovered this. I kept making H sit and listen as I read paragraphs that described my family. We were struggling with our relationship at the time and I was soaking everything up because I couldn't talk to him the way I used to.

Getting through a few months, getting used to the knowledge, and working together I'm happy to say H and I are back to our happy wonderful relationship. Gaining new knowledge and looking back at your past will bring up very strong emotions. Feel free to come here and ask, vent, read, write whatever. It is a haven for me. I don't have friends who understand and I feel like this is my close little group of friends, even though I only know everyone by their username.

Sometimes it takes time to get through the posts, but I like it when I ask a question and get a reply right away. I am in mountain time zone and am on here later than others and that is when the questions seem to come. But the questions get answered and the responses help so much.

Welcome to our group!