How do you?

[Kelly]

How do you really feel when people make jokes about things that if they even knew 10 percent of what you have gone through they would never tell them?

How do you really feel when people ask of you and they don't say thank you?

How do you really feel when people ask questions thinking they are being funny when it IS not funny at all?

How do you really feel when people ask about your past and all you have is hurt?

How do you really feel when you do the best that you can do and they ignore it and ask more of you?

How do you really feel when all you want is peace and all around you they want torment because their life sucks so bad that they might as well make everyone else's suck too?

How do you really feel when you are constantly abondoned?

How do you really feel when they can count on you but you can never ever think about counting on them?

How do you really feel when you are so good at showing the world you can handle anything but inside you are a wreck?

How do you really feel when you are hurting so bad inside that you think you are going to burst?

Answer: anger, depression, hurt, confused, dazed, wiped out, tired, cranky, like crying, want to get away, sad, mad, unhappy, emotional, helpless, exhaustion, broken heart, done.

It is funny how a little thing that someone else thinks is funny can bring up so many horrible, bad, never ending memories of past hurts that haunt.

I know my path to recovery from being emotionally abused is long and winding but please step lightly for a moment you could be hurting and not know it, work in progress is going on and you might not care about it but I do and I count!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Have a great weekend kelly

[Anonymous]

I don't know what's happened Kelly but I'm a member as guest here and just want to give you a big hug okay?

((((((((((((((Kelly)))))))))))))) look after your self

[bunny]

Many people have the subtlety of bulldozers. I'm sorry someone hurt you. Hang in there.

bunny

[BlueTopaz]

Another hug (((((Kelly)))))....

Yes- people can be flippant, insensitive, and I get to thinking often enough, just plain neanderthal-like in levels of inner development and thought processes.    

Sometimes, though, when they are being just neutral, and not inappropriate, it can touch the tip of a painful iceberg for me, as well.

Yes, you certainly do count and I am glad you shared your feelings on this.   I can surely relate.  

As you say, healing is a work in progress.   It's full of peaks, and the tough valleys...

Wishing you peace...

BT

[flower]

(((Kelly)))

Please hang in there Kelly.  I've read some comments directed my way that -ouch- hit my sensitivities too. Influence from Ns in our lives is bound to have an effect on us all - making us a little less socially 'with it' than we should be or in my case more sensitive than I should be.  This is one of the better boards I've found as far as responsiveness to others' posts.  I see this board as having one of the best welcoming attitudes of all the discussion lists  I have been on since about  1995.

You have such a difficult situation with your mom. I wasn't well for a time so I didn't follow all  your posts. I think you have been very brave posting on here while you are still sorting things out. Some of us on here seem to have that  inner work already behind them.  I was in a very entangled situation with my mom and dad and I haven't told everything. But I've worked out some things online here. I can't imagine what it would be like to be the subject of interest of such an intense discussion as your thread has been...eight pages! What a flood of input!

Please keep posting.. I enjoyed your input on the food thread. Your mom's Thanksgiving where she ran out of food seems kind of sad really as well as very unlike the stereotypical Thanksgivings where food is in abundance and with your mom being rich and all. Sometimes I feel sorry for Ns with a kind of pity one would have for a child making a clumsy attempt at an adult task.  Then I see the side of Ns that seems very cruel. It is hard to work these things out, especially with a N that seems so generous at times!

(((Kelly)))

[Anonymous]

Kelly.....are you okay? kind thoughts to you....

[Dawning]

Hi Kelly.  I understand maybe a little where you are coming from.  I'd like to answer your questions one by one.  Even though you answered them at the end and good for you!!     I liked Bunny's comment about the bulldozers too.    

How do you really feel when people make jokes about things that if they even knew 10 percent of what you have gone through they would never tell them?

I think that it reflects on their insensitivity and arrogance.  I feel like I don't want to spend too much time in their presence.

How do you really feel when people ask of you and they don't say thank you?

Depends on the situation.

How do you really feel when people ask questions thinking they are being funny when it IS not funny at all?

I feel hurt.

How do you really feel when people ask about your past and all you have is hurt?

If a trusted person asks, I feel good in that it might bring us closer in sharing.  If it is someone who wants to scrutinize, I feel like they might want to use me and I would keep my mouth shut.

How do you really feel when you do the best that you can do and they ignore it and ask more of you?

Angry but, inside, knowing I did my best and I don't have to prove anything to anyone but myself.

How do you really feel when all you want is peace and all around you they want torment because their life sucks so bad that they might as well make everyone else's suck too?

Used by a bunch of louts.  And I would find other people to be around who weren't like that.  I would *pull way, way back.*

How do you really feel when you are constantly abondoned?

Unwanted and like there is something wrong with me.

How do you really feel when they can count on you but you can never ever think about counting on them?

Angry and hurt.  Used and cheated.

How do you really feel when you are so good at showing the world you can handle anything but inside you are a wreck?

Like I am going crazy and I seek out therapy and therapeutic activities.

How do you really feel when you are hurting so bad inside that you think you are going to burst?

Like I am going to die.  But it gets better

Answer: anger, depression, hurt, confused, dazed, wiped out, tired, cranky, like crying, want to get away, sad, mad, unhappy, emotional, helpless, exhaustion, broken heart, done.

It is funny how a little thing that someone else thinks is funny can bring up so many horrible, bad, never ending memories of past hurts that haunt.

I Know  (((((Kelly))))  

Hey, you know what I've learned from my summer of hell?  That alot of it never had to do with me in the first place.    I can change myself, not others.

One other thing I got from a chain mail a long time ago...it said,

"When someone asks you a personal question that you don't want to answer, smile and say, 'why do you want to know?'"  

[Anonymous]

Hey Guys!  This "Kelly" is a different "Kelly" then the job advise Kelly.

Kelly

[Anonymous]

However, whoever this Kelly is...................I second her sentiments exactly.  I didn't write that post but I feel the same as she does.  And all the wonderful responses you gave to her (me) are great!  I guess I'll start going as kellydckm so we can differentiate from each other!

And Kelly?  Hang in there!  We have the same name and kindred hearts!!

And yes, the Job Advice thread has been very informational and rewarding for me.  I stopped posting for awhile and now am in the middle of a new job search and it has been restarted.......

I think in the job interview yesterday I kind of sabotaged myself.....anyone have any insight on that!!

Love to you all, (Kelly) kellydckm