A thought about my story

[Nonameanymore]

I am translating the darn memoir back to Greek to be published.
As I do so I can't help thinking that:

a) with what I went through caused by the general dysfunction of my family, I really wonder where do people find the nerve to ask me why am I not making a bigger effort to stand on my own two feet with greater strength.

b) how did I let so many people treat me this way since I remember myself? But if I didn't know what is the right way to be treated, how could I tell????


I am really, really upset. I have 80 pages left and wonder how the hell am I going to do it. I am dreading the moment this will hit the shelves and people will start asking questions. Each day I translate I feel liberated, but while doing it, it's hell.

P

[Lucky]

The stupid fools that ask such questions are really not worth your energy. What else can other people expect from somebody who was brainswashed from birth by an evil person?!! If a person can't see the sick dynamic in that it's their problem.

[Nonameanymore]

thanks for your kind words lucky. lately i feel 'broken'. it's me who doesn't want to understand the (old) dynamic in which i was raised because going back to it, is so hard to take it. it's so unfair. i had things happen to me, now i am treated (sometimes) like these things that were done to me were my fault.
it's a darn vicious circle...

i know that when you ask 'when this is going to stop' , the answer usually is 'when you want it to'; i really want it. how do i convice myself that i do?

[Lucky]

Lots and lots of people who blame you are in denial over their own childhood. These people did probably also suffer and don't want to see the truth, the truth being that they were victims and they did not provoke what happened to them. Because it is normal for a child to be a certain way because of how their brains are developing. Like for example (an Alice Miller example) there are children that are being toilet trained at the age of one. It is actually not natural for a child of that age to be potty trained but it makes life easier for the N parent. The moment the child soils itself the parent gets very angry. It can be done in some cases, bullying a child that young into being toilet trained but it is a very forced thing that must cause the child a lot of stress. And so there are lots of simular things going on and on between the N parent and the child. The child being pressed all the time and being harshly punished for just being a child.
Their will always be people who will start seeing the truth after hearing your story. And who might start treating children better because you have opened their eyes. They might not see the truth at once but you might set something in motion.

[Nonameanymore]

Thanks Lucky. That is my hope, to have some people identify with some of the stuff that happened during my childhood. People involved in the publishing of the book also think so.
But I am reliving everything these last few days. When I sit down to work I often think 'who will care what happened to me?', just a little bit like it happens in life.
The truth is I had a series of unfortunate incidents for over a month now and feel alienated, but maybe this is the perfect time to work on this, then move on with my life...

P



PS Thanks Dr Grossman for moving this thread here - didn't want to hog the board with this thought...

[BonesMS]

One of the things I learned in John Bradshaw's workshop is that children are needy by nature.

Unfortunately, N's IGNORE that because they focus ONLY on THEMSELVES and THEIR OWN CONVENIENCE!

Bones

[Ami]

When you tell your truth, you can get a variety of responses. Many are the person's OWN shame and denial foisted on you. I try to push back people who do that to me.
 Hopefully, you can find a few people who honor you! *I* do!    x o x o  Ami

[river]

Well done for writing, and in Greek!

  i know that when you ask 'when this is going to stop' , the answer usually is 'when you want it to'; i really want it. how do i convice myself that i do?
   

I think this isnt actually true.  'It' doesnt just stop just because you want it to.  Recovery is a path, we take the actions, do the footwork, and God,/ The Universe/ or whatever force for good is out there, brings the results.  This is how I see it.   Writing for you is part of doing the footwork??   I've so often had people say things to me like that.  And it just invites one to head-the-wall one more time.  : s