Author Topic: Loss of N Supply  (Read 1200 times)

Logy

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Loss of N Supply
« on: February 08, 2010, 07:43:47 PM »
My NM lost two sources of narcissistic supply this past month. 

First, my younger brother who NM has always told everyone how incompetent he is, how he wouldn't have even graduated high school if she had not intervened with the school system, who NM said has a learning disability, who NM said has never had a job without someone giving it to him.  Throughout his life he has owned his own company, has only worked at 3 places (must be doing something right or they wouldn't be keeping him around).  However, his business was home building, which was hit hard in this recession.  So through no fault of his own he was laid off a year ago.  NM lamented he will never ever find another job, he will end up losing his house and live with her until he dies.  But he survived, kept his house, and now has a new job.  NM can't stand it, everytime she talks to me, she moans about how he won't be able to do this.  What she doesn't know is that I also talk to my brother.  Bro is doing great in the training, dedicated to his new job, and receiving some positive responses from his supervisors.  So now he is not the unemployed loser she makes him out to be, her baby who can't do anything without her intervention.  And the rest of us know it.  She is not the center of information about bro in our family anymore.  AND bro has a job and doesn't spend time at her house and tell her how wonderful she is.

Second, her last surviving uncle died.  Younger brother of her dad.  Uncle who lived with an N-wife (my dad always said NM will be like N-aunt when she is older).  NM always said this uncle was the best of all the brothers in her FOO.  Well, sure he was.  He knew how to idolize an N.

So NM's craziness began when she started calling me and my siblings to let us know about Uncle's death.  I talked to Bro at 11:00 am - he called me about a question about computers.  He mentioned NM called him re: Uncle's death.   NM called me 1:30 to tell me of Uncle's death.  I offered my condolences.  THEN I get a call from NM at 4:00 pm from NM.  "I don't want there to be any hard feelings"  Huh?  "Well, I called Bro before you."  "I don't want there to be any hard feelings because I didn't call you first."  I said, "Mom, I don't care!"

So I have been trying to figure this out.  It seems to be an immature reaction on her part (my first thought was that I don't react like a 5 year old to things.)  But then I thought about N supply.  Could losing her adoring uncle and the fact that Bro can survive without her have something to do with it?

What does everyone else think?

Logy


Ami

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Re: Loss of N Supply
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2010, 08:24:21 PM »
((((Logy)))))
 You sound like you see it clearly. The N's are like 4 year olds in adult bodies. That  explain why they do some of the inexplicable things they do.
 I am sorry you have to endure this!  x o x o  Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Logy

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Re: Loss of N Supply
« Reply #2 on: February 09, 2010, 08:54:41 PM »
Thanks, Ami, for the vote of confidence.  Sometimes I wonder if I get it or if I am just analyzing too much. 

BTW, Bro just called and said he talked to NM tonight.  Then told me about his new job and all the issues and insecurities he has about it.  I know from experience he talked to NM about all the same things.  As NM is so out of touch with how life really works, I'm sure she contributed to his insecurity.  Her voice tone reflecting pity, her sighs, her judgement of those Bro is working with daily.  All the comments discouraging him, dragging him into the helpless state that only NM can rescue him from.  I can imagine what she will tell me next time we talk.  Bro is struggling, he can't adjust to this new environment, he can't do this job, he will FAIL!

FAIL!  I've heard that alot. 

My hope is to help Bro break out of his role as a supplier of N supply!

Logy


gratitude28

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Re: Loss of N Supply
« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2010, 10:29:42 PM »
Logy,
It is so hard not to analyze every thing.... I try to step back, but we know that there is a reason for EVERY thing they do, so it is hard to treat them like normal people. If a friend said something odd or out of character, I would chalk it up to grief in the case you mentioned. But with an N, there is always something that is being gained or avoided in such a statement.
Don't beat yourself up! Try to let it go! Also, your brother will have to see for himself before he will stop being supply. My sister is still dancing around the issue, sometimes seeing things, sometimes pretending they aren't that bad.
xo
Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Logy

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Re: Loss of N Supply
« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2010, 11:12:42 PM »
Beth,
Thanks.  You are so right!  I am analyzing everything and then trying to fix things for Bro.  And I am so on-guard with NM, waiting for her to manipulate me in any way she can.  I can't relax in a conversation with her. 

Lighter side - heard from family regarding Uncle's last day (ha, read back over that - how can someone's dying day be on the lighter side???  Sorry : (  )  His family said to him "don't be afraid to leave us, Aunt is waiting for you".  His daughter said, "Oh, God, don't tell him that.  He'll NEVER leave here."  FYI, Aunt was an N.

Logy