Hi Deb,
Thought I'd roll down an alley with some thoughts that wandered up for me when I read your post. I may be going completely down the wrong street! Please ignore me if I'm misunderstanding. But fwiw:
Do you feel kind of rolled over by your Nfriend's decisions about what she is choosing to store in your home?
I was wondering whether you participated in a dialogue about it and made a clear choice about it, out loud to her...
Did she ask if she might borrow some space? It sounded maybe as though she told you what she was doing with her child's ashes and clothing -- storing them in your home. I felt startled. Did you indicate she could, was it explicit? Or did you have no objection?
(I ask because I would not have wanted that emotionally loaded burden brought into my home, and I wouldn't have felt responsible for taking care of her in that way. Ashes can be reverently spread in a beautiful place, for example. And the clothes? I'd not want to store them, probably would rather donate them. )
If she said, "Because you have room and I need it," would that have been a good reason?
I was wondering if this friendship might be a laboratory for you to risk establishing new boundaries based on what you've learned about them, or if in fact you feel there's some boundary invasion going on... My antennae are bent half the time, though, so I might be reading it wrong. And the relationship might end if you assert yourself. How would you feel about that possibility?
I just noticed I was thinking about fusion, rather than friendship, when I read it.
I wonder if that's helpful to think about. (If not please do ignore!)
hugs
Hops
