Another layer of the onion

[Gaining Strength]

That experience with my mother and son is opening up so much for healing. 

I am finding myself identifying and tracing back to origin so much trauma and anxiety and fear. As I trace it back to source I am able to hold that being as an infant in need of mortherly nurturing.  It is a kind of closed circle.  It came to me from the image that came out of processes that experience.  That image of holding of that child's joy in celebration.  I believe that I will be able to hold experiences of resentment up like that child in joy and celebrate rather than rage.

[Gaining Strength]

I wan tto share tis in case it touches anyone else the way it is touching me.

The is a link to one of the byron Katie videos I watched today:
http://serreal.ning.com/video/1385230:Video:5562

As she talks I am able to go to the issue and the place where I feel blocked, feel anxiety and get right to the source.   Boy this is freeing.
Whoopy.  I am feeling joy again today and filled with hope and healing.  And gratitude.

[CB123]

Hmmm, Strength,

I  can see why she has really impacted you...she impacted me the same way and I see you working through a lot of the same things that I did when I was reading her.  She really brings everything into focus for me.

Love
CB

[Gaining Strength]

Beginning to feel a release.  Bit by bit I am finding myself compelled to do small things that until now I have not been able to will myself to do.

Looking forward to experiencing more and more of this.  It is exactly what I have foreseen. 
Intention.

[Gaining Strength]

I just have to write more.  I am so thankful to be so very close to freedom.  I can't wait to see how long it will take me to find full release.  I'm betting 5 days. 

First things first.  I have been cleaning some - very small things but I am so happy about it as opposed to feeling the endless self-loathing and humiliation.  Even though I am still not cleaning like a mad man I am actually looking forward to it.  I am feeling the relase before it is activated.  sounds crazy I know but through out this process I have had a certain level of "knowing" that I have great confidence in. Things are about to make a huge shift.  I am already celebrating.

[Gaining Strength]

CB - I COMPLETELY agree with you.  Even in the anxiety filled and doubt filled life that I have been living in these recent years I am certain that because I believed this principle that I was able to get this far.  It was like driving with my brakes on and so it was V-E-R-Y slow but things are about to speed up for me. 

Thank you for sharing that.

[seastorm]

Thank for the explanations and I will go and find out more about the 4 questions.

sea

[Gaining Strength]

You never know - I am sure I have read about byron Katie's The Work right here on VESMB but it did not speak to me then.
It does now.
I am dieing to try CMR and put that on my list for when money starts rollling in.
CMR is Cellular Memory something.  It is VERY appealing to me. 

[Gaining Strength]

I am moving into a place that is unfamiliar to me.
Having lived my entire life in profound fear and expectation of rejection and alienation
I am finding that as more and more of that anxiety is released I have no idea how to be without it.

Last night I had dream after dream after dream in which I was in place where I would be rejected or alienated or arrested and in each scene I went into the place of fear and then found a path out. 

It is just such a strange world to be in.  One I do not know.
I feel lighter but I also feel lost.

[sKePTiKal]

Yeah, that's one aspect of discovery & exploration of the "new"... best I can do to give you something to grab onto for stabilization is: chop wood, carry water.

Do the mundane... the ordinary... don't think too much (but don't stop thinking!) - about how this is different. Instead of a 24/7 process, it seems in this new "place" you only have to sit down/seriously review and evaluate only every so often - once/twice a day, once a week - whatever FEELS right for you or satisfies the need... and the rest of the time, you're just living your life... choosing how to spend your time & energy; doing what needs doing (or ignoring it for something fun instead!!)... just being YOU.

[Gaining Strength]

Phoenix - thank you.  I have only read the first line of your post so far.  What joy.  I understand and I cannot help but laugh - at last, at long, long last I am able to chop wood and carry water.  How I see that the rest will follow the basics.  The freedom to chop wood and carry water - ineffable.

[Gaining Strength]

cleaning upstairs on today's agenda.
ridiculously frightening.
seeing how perfectionism blocks getting started.
using a rule of 5 - get started - d0 5 actions - don't go for completion.
getting started is a great way to move into action.
Even I can do 5.
Keeping the feeling of satisfaction of job completed in focus.

[CB123]

Strength

Doesnt it feel GREAT????

I am so proud of you.  This is a big hurdle but you are going to feel so good about your capabilities as  you amass these small victories.

I am a big believer in the small steps method.  Sometimes I have had to just tackle one corner.  Everything else might be (or feel like) shambles but one corner is neat and orderly...then I reward myself with flowers or something beautiful in that corner to keep me going around the other corners.

Lots of rewards for yourself.  A cup of tea in the cleaned spot.  Your favorite book, or tea pot or pillow.  Inhale Sarah ban Breathnach! 

Brava, Strength!

CB

[Gaining Strength]

thank yoiu  CB.  It has been 3 1/2 years since Hops suggested that I begin on 1 sqare foot and finally I can do that.

Only friends here could understand why that is an achievement worth celebrating.
I didn't know that until I read your kind words.  This is a huge achievement for me - surpassing my college graduation.
Thank you - beyond words - for your acknowledgement.

[sKePTiKal]

You are now in the process of mastering the technique that created empires, made hugely significant humanitarian discoveries, and is the mechanism or glue that holds civilization together!!!!!!

Simple, isn't it? Yet it's the hardest thing of all to learn - no matter what age you are. And people who know how to do this, too often take it for granted and don't realize how magical and powerful it is. LUCKY YOU, GS....