I think the N's in our lives have clouded our definition of the word selfish. We learned that we were "selfish" if we were just trying to address our basic needs, physically and emotionally. The rest of the world sees selfish differently. So we actually need to learn to be more selfish. We DO deserve to be able to express our needs, have others listen and take us seriously, respect us. NM defined these as me being selfish. Whenever that word pops into my mind, it is a clue to me that I am actually NOT being selfish.
Yes. Not only this, but theres a backwards swap, the N is so grossly selfish to infinite destruction, so we become averse to anything to do with 'self' or needs, ~ we dont want any part of that act, we desperately want to differentiate ourselves. Its quite understandable, but without the full understanding, in disowning our 'self-needs', we perpetuate the dynamic of being pushed off the planet even towards annihilation of self, the 'self in exile'.
Recovery for me is to 'act into the world', but in a better way. (how successful I'm being is a different matter!).