Hi Bear-
This is in all such a celebratory hallmark of your bond with your bro.... And the first paragraph is very touching how you acknowleged what it takes to come out of your family not only intact, but more than intact.... Special. You see.... we are all gifts of life, and our parents may not have appreciated this gift of love. Parenthood isn't this thankless job, it's what you do after you've been given this beautiful gift of love, a child.
I've wrestled with this as my toddler grows.... She will hate me someday, like I hate my mother. But this is wrong indeed, it's just different. I think the minute a parent thinks thier job is thankless, they just need a shoulder to cry on. The person we can thank for the gift of life is God. I think children should thank thier parents where appropriate, but not for being born. I think N's have this delusional Godlike temperment...
I too Bear have given a lot of thought about.... What kind of gift giver will I become? When I give a person a gift, I try to imagine the person getting the gift anonymously, and what their reaction is. If the gift will cause stress by cluttering the house, or work to clean it or whatever I.... think of something else. I just want the person to think... this will add something nice to my life. So if the person is not into gifts, I give a card.... I just never want to cause a spectacle over giving someone a gift.
Thank you Bear, I will meditate on this thread.... I've been agonizing over cleaning out our storage unit of the boxes of "gifts" from NM. They just don't symbolize anything positive to me... I'm realizing I can recieve a gift with my own opinion. These boxes are overwhelming, and every gift has some hidden negative message. There is nothing there.... What you said Bear... an empty gift.
