Repetitive Fights

[gratitude28]

My NM and father have been having the same fights for as long as I can remember. They are ridiculous - a fight about driving or playing music in the car. NM starts it when she is bored or wants the attention dad is giving to someone else (they did this with my kids in the car, who were shocked). NM picks until dad blows up and they biscker for a while. The fights are the same down to the words and expressions used.

Here's my question... why would dad play into this after all these years? Is it just easier than dealing with the outcome if he blew them off?????

[Sealynx]

I think it becomes a conditioned response. At least you know how the fight will end. I remember the first time I realized that I entered into a kind of hypnosis around my parents and became a helpless adolescence again. I had to invent a new pattern of relating. New is always scary in an existing relationship with a volatile person. I'll bet he knows he will lose from the get go but just vents his anger in the usual way.

[Twoapenny]

I think it's something to do with being in the car as well, because there's nowhere to escape to?  I used to hate going in a car with my parents because they'd argue through the whole journey about every single solitary thing, however minute or trivial.

[gratitude28]

Outside of the car, NM will start to groom his hair or some other annoying thing... again causing him to blow a fuse.
I think the car is a spot that breeds that kind of fighting since you can't escape.. you are right.
And, yes, the outcome is predictable.
I decided a long time ago (before I knew what I was doing) to disengage with NM when she started with me.
In my own life, I think fights are necessary at times, but only if they fill a purpose... we rarely "fight" I guess... I try to tell my husband or kids what I am annoyed about so we can work it out.