I know the pain Lupita,
I felt it when my son-in-law dismissed me from his family, and my daughter sided with him. I lost her and my first 2 grandchildren, and when I cried, I thought I would never stop. I thought I would lose my mind, then I heard she had another baby, another Grandchild for me, and one I never knew, who is now 18.
They are all forever lost to me, because it was the almost last straw in my life of losing people. I didn't cry again for 16 years, and that was after I left the N, and put myself on a course that is proper for me to follow. Now all that is compartmentalized, as has been since I was a little girl. I know 'intellectually' what I am to feel, as I have felt before, but not since.
I have chosen to never experience that pain again, not at my age, so I am making new friends and ONLY those who totally understand me. One is my physical therapist. She is 40 and I really like her. We have a lot in common and she is going to 'work' for me even when my funding has been cut, maybe very, very soon. In return I can listen to her problems with N-parents and N-parents-in-law, and I have already explained to her about my compartmentalization.
Love
Izzy