Feel SOOOOO scared of Intimacy

[Ami]

I met someone I think I really love.
When I thought we were over ,I was depressed.
When he came back lol, I am anxious
The idea of someone SEEING the deep inner self terrifies me.
There is so much shame in me about everything.  When someone gets close, I am afraid I am gonna become catatonic LOL


                                      Ami

[seasons]

I met someone I think I really love.
When I thought we were over ,I was depressed.
When he came back lol, I am anxious
The idea of someone SEEING the deep inner self terrifies me.
There is so much shame in me about everything.  When someone gets close, I am afraid I am gonna become catatonic LOL


                                      Ami

It is scary ((Ami)). 

It's so confusing wanting to be close yet unable to set yourself free to experience a loving relationship.

Does your special person know of your history? Do they have patience to walk with you one small step at a time.

Maybe if you were assured no pressure............ in time that would give yourself permission trust yourself and your gut? 

I hope this relationship brings smiles and joy.  I know you have been through hell. You deserve to love and be loved.

Listening with care. seasons  xo

[Twoapenny]

Hugs to you, Ami.  Intimacy is scary.  I find it really hard but long for it more than anything else.  Season gives great advice.  Can you do baby steps? xx

[Ami]

This person had a past AS bad as mine but he is very different than I am. He is a fiery , fighter type of person.
You know I go on and on about emotions   
 I can bring all these reams and reams of emotion to him and leave them there .
 He does not talk about them much---hardly at all.
 It is just the SENSE that I am understood.
 He will say one word to my hundred lol but that word seems to make me feel like it is OK and *I* am still OK under ALL of it.
 I feel I can show my bad parts to him and *I* am still there afterwards------not dissolved like I thought would happen when the "Bad" came out
  I have FORCED myself to be real with him--show shame, fear, pain, etc.
 I did it cuz I needed to and I had the desire to be real MORE than getting him .
 I am surprised he still cares cuz you guys KNOW how strong the "bad" is in an abused person.
 With him, he is not squeamish about deep things.
 He has a place in my heart with my GM.
What will happen I don't know but I am up at 5 AM cuz fear of intimacy LOL                                           Ami


 

[Overcomer]

Is this the same guy?  You have known him for years now right?

[Ami]

A different guy, Kelly.

[seasons]

Hi Ami,

How is your new relationship going? More importantly how are "YOU."

Only if it is something you would like to share.

seasons xo

[Overcomer]

So the other guy is no more????

[Ami]

I can PM you with what happened Kelly.
                                             

[Ami]

Thank you for asking ((((Seasons)))
You are the best est buddy ever.
I bet you are that way in real life--a friend forever.
I am learning and growing and trying to be REAL--my greatest challenge and greatest desire.
If I can be real  then I will be a success with or without a man.
It is going well--very different cuz he is very strong LOL

                               x o x   Ami

[Portia]

Still going well Ami? Don't forget to keep testing and testing, baby steps to trust etc. You can do it!

((((((Ami))))))

[seasons]

I am learning and growing and trying to be REAL--my greatest challenge and greatest desire.
If I can be real  then I will be a success with or without a man.

(Ami)

Bingo!! Would love to talk more about this topic.

Glad your doing well, have fun! seasons xo

[bearwithme]

Ah! If I knew how be more "real" then I'd be more 'free.'

Ami: Wow.  How are things going?  What an adventure of sorts!  I think your experience is beautiful.  (sorry, but I do).

Fear is okay for you? or not okay?  Is it hurting you?  Is it in your way?  Intimacy is such a tricky emotion and it pulls all kinds of things out of the dark....hmm.

(((hugs to you)))

Bear

[Ami]

Ok Guys. I will hit you with a big one. He is much younger. It just happened. Did not mean for it to and was not looking. I feel really afraid LOL.                 x o x  Ami

[bearwithme]

.......aaaaaaaaaaaand the problemmmmmmmm is?? LOL!





Fear is just another insecurity the N's have injected into our minds at a young age.  Fear holds us back from the possibilities and beauty of life.  Not saying that your fear of intimacy is like that but maybe it is.  I fear therefore I am.  Not so.  I understand you Ami...you may not think so but I do.  Little by little, let some of go.  What do you think about all this...

Bear