Author Topic: Riddle Me This, Batman  (Read 1648 times)

gratitude28

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Riddle Me This, Batman
« on: May 22, 2010, 08:35:15 AM »
OK, I know you all have so much insight into situations. My sister and I are trying to understand NM's latest... can you help?

My daughter just had a birthday. NM asked what she wanted (she always does, but usually just ignores it and sends her some money, usually late, and calls some day near her birthday, but never on her bday). So lately, NM is pretending to be the sweet grandma. This means talking ABOUT the kids, but not to them, of course. So she was going on and on about wanting to get my D something she would like (she loves soccer, so we suggested soemthing w/Mia Hamm on it). She said she looked and looked (she did, b/c we had found the same stuff). So my sister came to visit and found something PERFECT. She called NM and told her (the item, BTW, was inexpensive - 40 dollars total, and NM spends about $1000 on herself every week or two). NM stalled and said she didn't know if the site was safe (she orders from there for herself all the time,) added more reasons, and, finally and reluctantly ordered it.

So she sends and email w/ the receipt and says, "here's her gift. Hope she likes it." Then when D received it, she called to say thank you and NM was pretty much like, "Whatever."

NM thinks girls who do sports are weird and that women should be thin and dressy and attractive in a Miss America way....



This
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

gratitude28

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Re: Riddle Me This, Batman
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2010, 08:36:29 AM »
Sorry, it wouldn't let me type more. Ideas, anyone? Thanks so much. I really value your opinions.

My daughter even picked up on the fact that NM was unpleased about giving her the gift.

Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Portia

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Re: Riddle Me This, Batman
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2010, 09:18:15 AM »
She didn't choose it so she doesn't feel it's some great bestowed idea from her. They only like to givethings that (1) they choose (2) they like, because the gift isfor them,not the recipient. Maybe.

Sealynx

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Re: Riddle Me This, Batman
« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2010, 11:49:53 AM »
My mother does things like that. Your NM only likes things that are her idea AND sees anything she gives to your daughter as an extension of people's view of HER...She is incapable of "feeling" any satisfaction in your daughter's enjoyment of the thing.

So as Portia said, first its not her idea and not something that in her mind fits the description of how she would like to be seen if she owned the thing.
This means she will dis herself from the item by the attitude you experienced.

Even though I know mine SO well it always surprises me when she pulls one of these.  You may have read where I decided to reward my 12 year old niece with a computer because of her recent academic and musical excellence. I mentioned it to N mom and her immediate response was that the other children would be jealous and mistreat her!!! Where did this come from?? My mother grew up as one of nine and so her parents couldn't buy her what other children had. At 84 she is still projecting her jealousy of those children onto my niece. This shows how frozen they are in time, unable to go beyond the basest infantile emotional attitudes.
« Last Edit: May 23, 2010, 09:22:43 AM by Sealynx »

debkor

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Re: Riddle Me This, Batman
« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2010, 04:58:35 PM »
I don't know grats.

Only thing I can think of is that we are not extensions of them and anything different then what they would like, want, us, being individual (people) probably think we are werid and off because we don't like what they like, we don't do what they do, so that makes us (different) which probably disgust them...  Yep, whatever, got you what you asked for, strange as is might be that you just don't think and feel as me......which makes them possibly in thier head (an individual) and them only... and all the rest of us...having no clue how to be one for if you knew....(and a girl) you wouldn't want (sports).  Think of them as backwards...

Love
Deb

gratitude28

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Re: Riddle Me This, Batman
« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2010, 10:31:51 PM »
These ideas all make sense (in the way that anything makes sense with an N). I think it is b/c it wasn't her idea... and I think, like you all pointed out, the gift isn't something she would want. Her infantile reactions are just so strange sometimes....

Seal, my mother constantly talks about people being jealous. Now that I understand her motivations more, I see that she is really talking about herself when she brings up the idea of envy. It is also amazing how transparent their conversations become when you realize they are always talking about themselves...
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Logy

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Re: Riddle Me This, Batman
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2010, 02:45:57 AM »
Yup.  Not their idea.  Not what they would want.  Bingo!  Recipe for painful gift-giving moment.  Been there, done that!