Yep, turning down the volume will help! And that action - repeated, as you know - will help you find the switch. However!!!
In the meantime, chopping wood (carrying water - later) is still necessary. Like Hops' list - it helps if you pick just 3 things for today. If 3 is overwhelming, then cut it down to 2... then decide which one is the most important: do that first. IF - and only IF - there is time after you've taken a small celebratory break to reward yourself for crossing item 1 off the list... then go on to #2. It's OK if you don't get the 2nd item done today... in fact, you might even experiment with deliberately postponing it till tomorrow... and then it becomes the #1 item on tomorrow's list.
In a professional development session on handling stress, years ago... our campus nurse said that multitasking wasn't the great skill it was made out to be. She said it was NOT reasonable to attempt to accomplish more than 3-5 things each day. That humans just weren't built to do more than that - except on rare occasions - without an equal amount of rest & re-creation of ourselves and our physical energy - meeting the needs of good food, exercise, good folks and sleep. I was laughing so hard - so hysterically - at how low this bar was set I had to excuse myself from the session! Not only did I used to be a "professional multi-tasker"... I let people push me into taking on more & more & more... obviously, I've since learned that she was right and I was wrong. The old me, clung to her lists - and the joke is that I have lists to keep track of my lists! - because I was so afraid that I'd forget something that "had to get done". Loooooonnnnnnggggg lists.
When I shortened those lists to something more realistic - I found I could trust myself to not forget the items, without the damn list. One of the interwoven, almost invisible holdovers from my FOO dynamics, was that (despite being the capable, parentified one) I couldn't trust myself without having a written reminder. I slip into a right-brain space when I'm doing certain "mindless" tasks... and can completely lose track of time - or I'll move into what hubby calls "mission creep". I'll be vacumning; see a stack of papers or magazines and stop vacumning to sort them and add to the recycle; then I'll see the table is dusty - off to grab the swiffer - and oh, look at the dust on that lamp... and 10 minutes later "remember" that I was trying to get the vacumning done. It's even more pronounced when I'm outside weeding... sigh. For years, I thought this was a complete, total bad thing - that there was something wrong with my method - with me.
But it works for ME, and that's all that matters. Sounds like you've got an opportunity to create your own method; what works for YOU. There is something satisfying in having your own unique method and standards. (For instance, I can ignore dust on shelves, as long as the floor is clean.) I think that's one thing that you were prevented from developing for yourself by the expectation of a negative result, no matter what you did. And I wonder...
... were you ever given a "day off" from chores? and the cycle of negativity? It sounds counter-intuitive, but truly - it's worked for me - it can help if you simply allow yourself to walk away from the "have to" lists long enough to enjoy yourself, with the promise that you'll tackle the list later. Sometimes, this lets me re-evaluate how important that #1 item on the list was...
these are just ideas... trying to brainstorm with you... I know you'll pick out your own, too!!
