Working on writing this out.
I spent the last few days on vacation with my Nar-Grandmother and Nar-mother.
The main reason, or only reason why I went was because I wanted to go to the area. It's breathtakingly gorgeous.
It's in the country, there were deer and little spotted fawns, and storybook old trees in fields. I'm a city dweller by necessity so going into the country is really a treat for me.
Despite the constant bitching, bickering, verbal attacks etc. I still managed to enjoy the country.
When I was in the car with the two of them (three generations of us) I would look out the windows at the landscapes loving the experience of seeing it all and taking it in and simultaneously be listening to the ongoing complaining and problems and strife and blah blah blah crap.
They seem to be wrapped up and ensconced in these very routine behaviors and conversation topics. The conversations usually are not focused on enjoyable subjects. Lukily for me I spent a couple of nights with a friendly couple who were very good conversationalists and they gave me a dose of normalcy to compare my family against.
I think that is imporantant: Spending time around mentally healthy people!
It seemed to take all my effort just to coordinate and get them to go to get lunch. Find a place, suggest a place, it is like pulling teeth. I just don't get it. So we finally ended up eatting lunch at 2:00 PM. By that time both my mother and grandmother were impatiently wanting to be served immediately. So both of them were impatient with the wait staff and let the staff know that they were in a huge hurry. It's sort of funny seeing these two people in a rural setting on vacation that have no plans, nothing to do but are in a HUGE hurry.
The food was great, the wait staff were very friendly. The staff brought us complimentary homemade pie.
My grandmother said that the weather was shitty, she said her food was too spicy, she complained about the staff. And she complained audibly for other people in the restaurant to hear her complaints. I look around and I don't see other people behaving the way she does. She is just rude.
The only thing that could have made the meal better would have been like-minded companions. I ate half of my grandmother's meal because she would only eat part of it. It was wonderful, very fresh.
At the end of this day my grandmother exclaims "I've had all the fun I can take" in a particularly nasty, bitchy voice. It's as if there is something about having a nice normal day that is disruptive to her mind. It's like a well-coordinated, organized, fun day would just make her miserable or something? I think really she gets angry if she is not controlling every minute of the day.
I spotted a whale! I told this to the two of them while they are re-hashing a favorite topic (my uncle) and they just went right on picking at my uncle talking about his "pathetic life". My uncle has been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, anxiety disorder and he has a history of not being able to commit in relationships. My grandmother loves to talk about how unskilled he is (her son) in relationships.
My mother says that my grandmother is a know-it-all. My mother also gets into this role where she acts like she cant figure anything out on her own and she asks my grandmother all of these inane questions that I'm sure she could figure out on her own.
After three dinners with my grandparents and mother, one night I went out for dinner by myself, it was after a particularly nasty day in the car with my grandmothers verbal attacks. My mother was angry at me for wanting time to myself! I'm in my 30's, I can decide for myself when I need to spend a night to myself.
It's been a long time since I have spent time with both mother and grandmother and now as an adult I'm acutely aware of how terribly disrespectful these people are of me. When I was younger, my youth was some kind of excuse for being talked to that way but as an adult they sound horrible. It's really distastefully nasty, I almost want to tape record them for proof. All of the rudeness is under a guise of humour, as if that is the status quo in our family, "that is our family's sense of humour". It is down right mean stuff though, both my mother and my aunt have complained about how hurtful my grandmother is.
One night my mother and I went to dinner with my grand parents and two other couples they know as friends, in front of this group my grandmother makes a point of telling everyone I'm single, she even tell s the owner of the restaurant. The owner of the restaurant then sugestst that I go to church the following morning. I let it roll off of me, yes I'm embarrassed but in my family one just gets used to embarrassment.
I enjoyed my trip despite the relatives, I played with baby goats, saw baby chickens, fawns, whales, eagles, baby sheep.
Ate great food and strawberries from country farms. I met new people.
