Author Topic: Vacation with Nar-mother & Nar-grandmother  (Read 1691 times)

Meh

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Vacation with Nar-mother & Nar-grandmother
« on: June 29, 2010, 08:33:27 PM »
Working on writing this out.

I spent the last few days on vacation with my Nar-Grandmother and Nar-mother.

The main reason, or only reason why I went was because I wanted to go to the area. It's breathtakingly gorgeous.
It's in the country, there were deer and little spotted fawns, and storybook old trees in fields. I'm a city dweller by necessity so going into the country is really a treat for me.

Despite the constant bitching, bickering, verbal attacks etc. I still managed to enjoy the country.

When I was in the car with the two of them (three generations of us) I would look out the windows at the landscapes loving the experience of seeing it all and taking it in and simultaneously be listening to the ongoing complaining and problems and strife and blah blah blah crap.

They seem to be wrapped up and ensconced in these very routine behaviors and conversation topics. The conversations usually are not focused on enjoyable subjects. Lukily for me I spent a couple of nights with a friendly couple who were very good conversationalists and they gave me a dose of normalcy to compare my family against.

I think that is imporantant: Spending time around mentally healthy people!

It seemed to take all my effort just to coordinate and get them to go to get lunch. Find a place, suggest a place, it is like pulling teeth. I just don't get it. So we finally ended up eatting lunch at 2:00 PM. By that time both my mother and grandmother were impatiently wanting to be served immediately. So both of them were impatient with the wait staff and let the staff know that they were in a huge hurry. It's sort of funny seeing these two people in a rural setting on vacation that have no plans, nothing to do but are in a HUGE hurry.

The food was great, the wait staff were very friendly. The staff brought us complimentary homemade pie.

My grandmother said that the weather was shitty, she said her food was too spicy, she complained about the staff. And she complained audibly for other people in the restaurant to hear her complaints. I look around and I don't see other people behaving the way she does. She is just rude.
The only thing that could have made the meal better would have been like-minded companions. I ate half of my grandmother's meal because she would only eat part of it. It was wonderful, very fresh.

At the end of this day my grandmother exclaims "I've had all the fun I can take" in a particularly nasty, bitchy voice. It's as if there is something about having a nice normal day that is disruptive to her mind. It's like a well-coordinated, organized, fun day would just make her miserable or something? I think really she gets angry if she is not controlling every minute of the day.

I spotted a whale! I told this to the two of them while they are re-hashing a favorite topic (my uncle) and they just went right on picking at my uncle talking about his "pathetic life". My uncle has been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, anxiety disorder and he has a history of not being able to commit in relationships. My grandmother loves to talk about how unskilled he is (her son) in relationships.

My mother says that my grandmother is a know-it-all. My mother also gets into this role where she acts like she cant figure anything out on her own and she asks my grandmother all of these inane questions that I'm sure she could figure out on her own.

After three dinners with my grandparents and mother, one night I went out for dinner by myself, it was after a particularly nasty day in the car with my grandmothers verbal attacks. My mother was angry at me for wanting time to myself! I'm in my 30's, I can decide for myself when I need to spend a night to myself.

It's been a long time since I have spent time with both mother and grandmother and now as an adult I'm acutely aware of how terribly disrespectful these people are of me. When I was younger, my youth was some kind of excuse for being talked to that way but as an adult they sound horrible. It's really distastefully nasty, I almost want to tape record them for proof. All of the rudeness is under a guise of humour, as if that is the status quo in our family, "that is our family's sense of humour". It is down right mean stuff though, both my mother and my aunt have complained about how hurtful my grandmother is.

One night my mother and I went to dinner with my grand parents and two other couples they know as friends, in front of this group my grandmother makes a point of telling everyone I'm single, she even tell s the owner of the restaurant. The owner of the restaurant then sugestst that I go to church the following morning. I let it roll off of me, yes I'm embarrassed but in my family one just gets used to embarrassment.

I enjoyed my trip despite the relatives, I played with baby goats, saw baby chickens, fawns, whales, eagles, baby sheep.
Ate great food and strawberries from country farms. I met new people.






« Last Edit: June 29, 2010, 09:48:04 PM by Nikko »

swimmer

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Re: Vacation with Nar-mother & Nar-grandmother
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2010, 11:40:13 PM »
Hi Nikko-

thx for sharing your lovely experience in the country.  You made the best of what life handed you.  I could just picture the peaceful landscapes embrace your soul and lift you up.

This is wonderful !!!
« Last Edit: July 02, 2010, 07:45:03 PM by swimmer »

Meh

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The power that they have
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2010, 05:01:14 PM »
I see my mother around my grandmother and my mother gets into a demure, complete subordination mode.

My mother also wants me to go into a demure, complete subordination mode, a situation where the head narcissist at the moment spouts off out of control comments and the demure person just becomes more and more a whimpering, apologetic "tail between the legs" caricature.

I see why people don't stand up to Narcissists. It's because Narcissists are so good at fighting with people, the Narcissists is never going to care about how much they hurt another person with actions or words.

I'm glad my grandmother is so old, her hourglass is running out and it's only a matter of time before old age catches up with her once and for all.

I still wonder to myself "why did I end up in THIS family".

During vacation I spent the night in a guestroom belonging to an older couple who never had children so didn't have their own family.
The woman said to my mother "you are lucky to have a daughter like that" about me.
I'm not exactly sure what she was referring to, I think she enjoyed the conversation and company.
My mother repeated this back to me and then turned it into a snide comment. My mother said that the reason why the lady made the nice comment about me was because for her having a daughter is a novelty.

No, actually some people decide to make the most out of life, try to have the best relationships with family that they can have.
Try to enjoy life to it's fullest.
« Last Edit: June 30, 2010, 05:13:54 PM by Nikko »

Meh

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Listening and hearing
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2010, 05:12:01 PM »
My grandmother is getting old but I don't think she is hard of hearing. For some reason my mother always has to repeat things to her to get her attention but my grandmother hears it without my mother speaking louder. It's just a strange habit.

My grandmother has a sister that I have never met. They don't get along,don't like each other and I understand why.
My mother told me that there is a lot of jealousy between my grandmother and her sister. Oh well.

I don't understand why my mother never figured out that my grandmother is Narcissistic. I can see why my mother developed all the horrible habits that she did.


swimmer

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Re: Vacation with Nar-mother & Nar-grandmother
« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2010, 07:41:17 PM »
Hi Nikko-

thx for sharing your lovely experience in the country.  You made the best of what life handed you.  I could just picture the peaceful landscapes embrace your soul and lift you up.

This is wonderful !!!
[/quot

okay, I'm really challenge at this.... I meant to correct a grammar error after reading up on new posts....
« Last Edit: July 02, 2010, 07:44:07 PM by swimmer »

Meh

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Near death life review
« Reply #5 on: July 05, 2010, 04:32:06 PM »
I'm just depositing my random thoughts here about the quality of life one has in relation to Nar-people. etc.

According to some people, who are curious about the nature of life and after life, during the near death, "end-of-life-review", people become aware of how they have induced suffering in others. So when someone is close to death, the mind replays a whole lot of past events.

I think when experiencing Nar people or bullying one of the common thoughts is: "Will this person ever realize how much pain they have caused me and if so, will this person have a change of heart when they realize the damage that has been done to the victim's emotional, physical, quality of life..?"

Personally, I'm at the point where I don't think it really matters to me if a Nar-person ever realized how much damage and pain they have instigated. What is done is done.

I want to have a good life right now. It's not dependent on a Nar-person or a Bully to allow me to have a good life.
It doesn't matter anymore if they ever say "I'm sorry".....because it just doesn't change anything.

Again....just my random thoughts.