Sick!

[Twoapenny]

Ah, Christmas - what a wonderful time of year!   

Throughtout December my son receives anonymous cards and Christmas gifts.  Of course, they're from 'they who have been threatened with an injunction', but they know full well I can't prove it's them sending them and, as they're pictures of cute, cuddly reindeers and snowmen you'd be hard pushed to get a judge to rule they were threatening and abusive.

I don't show them to my boy or mention them to him, I just chuck them in the bin and take a few deep breaths.  But.........got home today and there is a card there from my sister's kids.  Neither my son or I have ever met the little girl and her older boy was about about three the last time either myself or my son saw him (about five years ago).  My sister and mum kept telling me how much the boy missed my lad after I went NC (although I had gone NC, they still kept sending letters).  So given that this little lad is supposed to really miss seeing my son, the little girl doesn't know either of us and they all live over the road now, what kind of sick, twisted mum gets the children to write the card?  It's in kiddie hand-writing, the names are both written differently so she's obviously got the boy to write it and then they've each written their own names individually.  I would never, ever in a million years get my son to write a card to someone he doesn't see, knowing full well he wouldn't get a response.  How can anyone use their children in this way?

[lighter]

They're thinking of themselves, and not the kids.

That's how they do things like that.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

BRAVO for chucking them in the bin.

My brother used his wife and his children -- and their messages -- like sentiment drones.

Nmom used me the same way.

Bleahhh. Poor kids.

Hops

[Twoapenny]

Hi Hops and Lighter, and thank you.

It's one of those N situations where, if you say to someone that you're disgusted that your sister got her kids to write a Christmas card to your son, you sound like a fruit loop that's just looking for something to whine about.  I guess it's different because I (and probably all on this board) know and understand the manipulation the mind games that accompany it and just how awful it will be for those children growing up.

One of the reasons I know it's one of their sicko games is because neither of them sends, or gets the kids to send, cards to my other sister's three children, who are all grown up and happy to be in contact on a casual basis.  Now if you were going to get your kids to send cards to anyone, surely it would be their cousins of 18, 21 and 22, all of whom would be happy to meet with them and hang out for a while.  That's what a normal person would do.

Grrrr.  Still makes me feel sick to my stomach but oh boy, I am so glad that family ARE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!!!!!!!!  Freaks.

Thanks, guys xxxxxx

[Twoapenny]

I've felt weepy and tearful all day, and I've just realised why.  I want to run over the road, swoop those two children up, smother them in love and kisses, play with them, have fun with them, tell them they're amazing and that they never, ever have to do anything they don't feel comfortable doing.  It's what was missing from my childhood and my heart aches to think of those poor little kids feeling as sad, empty and lonely as I did.

[river]

Yes.  Its sad and its nasty.   The season of good will huh!   
They use anything as a cover for toxicity.   And it could 'leave you looking like the bad guy', cunning, baffling, powerful.   

However, you know better, and thats what counts. 

[Hopalong]

They will grow up and seek you out, Tupp.

And what they need to find then is a healthy, happy, self-respecting aunt who is enjoying her life and no longer being devastated by the toxic stuff.

You can model that for them THEN.

It is very sad. But you still have a right to your own peace and healing.

love,
Hops

[lighter]

Kids are pretty resilient, Tupp.

Having to write cards, that won't be answered, is probably not going to do too much harm.

It's the cumulative effect of all the crap that side of the family pulls, that's worrisome. 

I do think Hops is right.

Eventually, they'll come see you, and you can validate their realities, and explain yours.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Hi, Lighter,

Thank you.  You know how it is, it's not the card itself that's the problem, it's what they'll have been told.  They're eight and five, and already their heads will be filled with an alternate reality.  They'll grow up believing that I'm crazy, my son's abused by me and that I want nothing to do with them - just like I grew up believing my dad didn't care about me and that he was violent and abusive.  Truth was it was my mum that was the abusive one, not him.  I was in my thirties before I learnt the truth.  It's a long time to believe a lie.

Thank you, Hops.  I hope they do find me one day.  I'd love for them to turn up on the doorstep sometime

Thank you, River.  They're good at making me look like the bad guy.  When it's them I can handle it, knowing that they're filling the heads of children with that nonsense is tough.

Thank you for your kind words, all of you xx

[lostkitten]

I understand how you feel not being able to express to friends etc. that these ‘goodwill gestures’ are just a ploy by a sick mind. I’ve recently have received facebook friend requests from cousins on my NM’s side, who are close to her, and receive her bounty. They couldn’t care less about me, they were prompted by her. (She NEEDS for me to know the hundreds of thousands that she is spending on them.)

My heart also goes out to those little kids, and I’m right there with you wanting to hug them and tell them that everything will be ok. My heart aches for little children in this situation.

But I too see the day when those little ones are grown, and you can be a fountain of relief and understanding for them, I see this with a smile, as maybe they won’t have to wait as long as we did for understanding.

[Twoapenny]

Thank you, Kitten

I hope someone else is looking out for them.  My sister is divorced but they are close to their dad and see him often, and he has a lot of family that spend time with them so I just hope they are getting more of a balance of people than we did.  And yes, they are good at getting people to do things for them without them realising what is actually going on.  Too good at tricking people!