Christmas Gifts

[sfalken]

As I imagined, in their quest to look like the loving grandparents, my Nm/f visited my older children yesterday, at my first spouses home.. and at the end of that visit, they brought a whole bunch of gifts into the house - for my youngest daughter (who lives only with me, and my wife) for my ex spouse to give to us the next time she saw us.

My wife and I have already been saving cards and other packages that were sent here for my youngest over the course of the last months, to send back all at once.

So what does one do? As heartless as it feels to me, I really think that sending every one of those gifts back to them is the only thing to do. If they (were normal, or if they) gave a d___ about their youngest granddaughter in the first place, they would have never allowed things to come to this place, having effectively ignored her for about a year now, while they've raged at my wife and I. She doesnt even remember them.

Shipping back would be quite expensive,  since my parents (you can imagine) always buy gifts in bulk for children - and I've been told it's quite a bit.

So. Choices are, 1) suck it up and pay some huge amount of $ to ship them. 2) take up my ex's offer - that she would keep the gifts until the next time my parents see her - and send them some kind of note or message to that effect. 3) drive the gifts 53 miles to their house and drop them off at the end of the driveway. 4) tell them that they can choose to pay to ship them back to themselves, or all of it will be given to good will.

[cgm1028]

If it were me, I would donate the gifts to Goodwill or some other place that collects toys for needy children during the holidays.  I wouldn't keep them and some deprived kid would get some toys at Christmas.  I be sure to let my Nparents know that's exactly what I did!

That's my two-cents.

Good Luck.

[Hopalong]

By all means donate them to a battered women's shelter (many abuse victims arrive there with children) or to a children's charity or inquire of a local church what poor family they might accept donations for.

You should leave only your PARENTS name and address on the donation form, indicating the donated gifts are from them.

That way, the organization will send a thank-you letter to them, and you need not participate in any communication or or maneuver about it, at all.

Keep it simple, do it now, and let it go.

Hops

[Twoapenny]

I would go one step further, Sfalken, give the presents away but don't tell them that you did (or communicate with them in any way). For me, I had to completely cut my parents out of any action I took, in order to make sure I was doing what suited me best.  So when gifts arrived, I thought "what do I want to do with these?".  The answer was get rid of them, which is what I did, and that was were it stopped.  I didn't allow them into the equation at all.

Personally, I found that any interaction with them led to more problems.  The only way it worked for me was nothing, nothing, nothing at all.  I still get the odd bit through the post to my son; it usually goes straight in the bin.  I think they twigged that I was dumping stuff because they stopped sending presents (they're too tight to spend money that might get wasted).  For me, it was get rid and do nothing.  I felt that if I reacted/responded in any way then I was letting them control the situation and that was exactly what I wanted to stop happening.

Hope you are able to deal with things without it causing you too much distress; it is a horrible family situation to be in and a very difficult time of year.

[Hopalong]

I think Tupp's advice is WAY better.

Not playing at all is much more dignified and healthy.

good luck,

Hops

[JustKathy]

I do the same as Twoapenny does. My parents send me guilt gifts every year that I have not asked for and do not want. I don't take their calls on Christmas day, and do not acknowledge receipt of the gifts. I take all of the items directly to Goodwill, where it's out of my sight, and in the hands of an underprivileged person who genuinely needs them. It feels good to turn the tables on them. NM buys the stuff with bad intentions, and I give it to someone in need with good intentions. I don't owe my parents an explanation of any kind. I have told them that I don't want the gifts, so if they're going to insist on sending them, they are mine to do with as I please.

[lighter]

You could keep a couple things, and give the rest to charity.

I'm giving my kids the gifts their insane Grandparents sent this year, not that I'll do it next year.

It's difficult to know what to do.

Good luck, and happy holidays.

Lighter