They're all mad!

[Twoapenny]

Hey everyone!

I've posted a couple of times about my sister and her family in the last couple of months.  Out and out war has been declared, it is all getting crazier by the day and I reckon just about every kind of dysfunction you can think of is popping up now.  I made a run for it!

I've told all of them that I don't want to get involved but I love them the same as I did before all this started and they're welcome in my home if they want to visit.  I'm keeping in touch via the odd text or email but I'm not really spending time with any of them and the times I see my sister I'm keeping fairly short.

The reason I thought I would post about it is because I feel fine about it!  I don't seem to have the huge sense of responsibility that I normally do in situations like this.  I'm not worrying about who's right and who's wrong, making sure everyone feels they're being listened to, doing the right thing by all of them and making sure they all feel loved and supported.  I'm putting me first and it actually feels - normal?  I think this is a good sign, yes?  I used to worry this sort of behaviour on my part was selfish, but now I just think it's okay to do.  I'm feeling quite chuffed about it!

[Gaining Strength]

That's incredible Twoapenny. 
I am so glad for you and so admiring you, hoping, longing to be able to honestly write those very same phrases.

[Twoapenny]

Thank you, GS

My t and I have talked for a long time now about how your brain understands something - it's okay to set boundaries, it's okay to look after yourself, put yourself first, not have to look after other people and so on - but the rest of you - your heart and spirit, I guess - doesn't feel that those things are okay.  So for so long now I've really struggled with making decisions that, intellectually I know are fine but they just feel so wrong.  So this time it feels like my brain, heart and spirit and all making the same decisions at the same time and it's really nice.

So I am hoping that others who are struggling at the minute get there too, because I really do feel so much calmer and together about this than I usually do about these sorts of things

Thank you for your response

[SilverLining]

Hey TwoP.    Looks like we are going through the same kind of trial,  but you are ahead of me by actively declaring your non-involvement.  It seems a good strategy to me.   A few emails here and there, maybe a few phone calls.  Possibly even a visit if they so choose.  This is the route I am trying to go.   I've also had the feeling of being "selfish" if I stay away and put myself first.  I'm coming to think even this feeling has been conditioned by the environment.   These people are so self absorbed, that any slight expression of self interest by another is a great affront to them.   Reciprocity to them means they get 90% and the other gets 10%.   Start pressing for 12% and we get labeled as selfish.  

[Guest]

Good for you Twoapenny.
Reading this thread lifts my day 

[sKePTiKal]

Happy dancing all the way through 2011....

way to go!