Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Finding voicefulness......losing......finding.....practicing..
Meh:
Lately, more then one example of voicefulness has come into my life. Simultaneously in considering self-isolating or ostracism depending on how it's viewed, this has increasingly brought to my awareness the way that voice is not often if ever separated from community of some version. I think of the corny sayings "what is the sound of one hand clapping, or if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, did it fall"....something like that.
At least 8 examples of voicefulness in my life easily come to my mind tonight, not one of these examples can honestly be removed from the context of community. It's something that I have understood for quite a long time but never identified as clearly as I do right now, mainly because I have attempted to edge myself closer to community of all sorts and in each case "voice" is a prominent subject/motivator. OR conversely deterrent to joining a community, like picking a church for example. Even my Buddhist meditation group contains voicefulness and a lot of it.
I've always been an alternative person, not by choice, just because...so it makes sense that I would seek alternative choices for experiencing voicefulness.
I think of Doctor Seuss and the Lorax who spoke for the trees.
"Mister!" he said with a sawdusty sneeze, "I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues. And I'm asking you sir, at the top of my lungs" - he was very upset as he shouted and puffed - "What's that THING you've made out of my Truffula tuft?"
The trees did not have the ability to talk or defend themselves. The Lorax finally got angry. The voiceless tree was changed and transformed, no longer it's natural self.
Community is a double edge sword for voicefulness.
An event tonight, all about voicefulness didn't require skill in the practice of having and knowing one's own voice...but it would have been very helpful for some...so I guess what I'm getting at is that Voicefulness must be on some level inherent in each person but also cultivated in a direction.
I think the experience of Voicelessness is partially being split off from the authenticity of SELF.
Even if all the narcissists in my life were to die of heart-attacks right this very instant...I would still be left with my experience of voicefulness.....something that is an on-going exercise more then it is a historical event that happened to me.
Voicefulness is a struggle for many that don't even have nar-people in their lives.
Voicefulness changes and at the same time has some constancy in the same way that people change but still some part is core. The identity of SELF evolves and is perishable. Identity, community, voice, these things all go together IMO.
Sparks of enthusiams are showing up in my life, realistically I don't have the energetic reserves or choice to commit to these signals of life though.
Thats just my reality. I'm already asking when are these going to fizzle. Part of it is novelty of new people, new places.
I have heard that great communication is key for determining the quality of relationships that a person has. It's more then just using words or speaking though--I was thinking about this today.
I'm tired, good night.
sKePTiKal:
Good morning!
HMMMMM....
Communication
Community
Commune
.... hmmmmmm.....
Hopalong:
--- Quote ---Voicefulness is a struggle for many that don't even have nar-people in their lives.
--- End quote ---
This strikes a chord with me too, MB. It made me think of women, generally. And children, generally. And minorities or the disenfranchised or oppressed, generally.
Another thing it made me think of is the wonderful distinction between assertiveness vs. aggressiveness.
Once one gets that, I think, fear is greatly reduced.
I just happened to read up on that before going into a scary meeting w/Nboss. It went better than I expected. The personalization and emotion was mostly pre-drained by having just read a reminder list of personal boundaries and what positive self-hood feels and looks like (even a posture reminder and also a releasing the outcome reminder), so I stayed in myself, feeling that a good place to be. When I spoke up it was with confidence and self-respect but not emotional lability and defensiveness (which anxiety triggers in me if I'm not watchful).
thanks for this,
Hops
Meh:
Tonight, went out for a little live jazz..you know to feed my soul.
Some jazz gets me some doesn't--tonight there was a song with lots of busy short notes all over the place, busy busy little notes like impressionism.
That was the one song worth going for so I just closed my eyes and it was good.
Luckily I did get to enjoy the music for a while. When the band took a break, an old guy came up to me and started chatting my ear off, a "jazz musician" not in the live band playing tonight, who was in the Navy...old school sort of person, I was polite at first telling myself that meeting new people is good. The thing is he talked on and on, I didn't really want to talk to him 100% maybe 10% of interest for collecting new facts or something....at one point he looked at my finger and pointed out that I wasn't married, and he said that he was married... and he said something else about how it doesn't matter where men get their sexual fantasies from as long as they take it home to their wife.
There is some kind of saying about that.....anyways. He asked me what I do for a living...and god knows I really wasn't digging this conversation.
The thing that really got me though was when I responded to him out of politeness telling him about what I did (operative word) for a living. He got this look on his face as soon as I started talking of his attention was going elsewhere. Not that I wanted his attention....but some people! Then after my few seconds of saying what field of work I'm in, he launched back in about the work that he does and his attention was right back on his face--fully animated and wanting me to pay attention to him.
Some people are clueless, he asked me to come listen to him play music----eh, yeah....maybe next year.
I can see when a person's awareness comes and goes sometimes. Guys like this get on my nerves, my mother would listen to my grandfather ramble on and on for hours.
I feel like a boundary was crossed and it happened so fast and I was standing there....and what was I suppose to say?
So if I go to this jazz club again this guy is going to annoyingly recognize me and I will just have to be a b*tch or take a man with me.
Hum practice. Awkward practice. It's awkward because he is being rude but I'm the one who has to point it out.
I really don't want to talk to him at all, what if he is whack.
I guess I just make lots of excuses and walk away..that is easy in theory.
Why do old men do this-slip sexual content into casual conversations? I mean I wouldn't go start a conversation with an 18 year old guy and slip sexual comments in there. IT's really lame and innappropriate.
I could say:
"You know what, I really have a horrible headache, oddly enough listening to jazz helps but listening to the sound of men talk makes it worse, isn't that strange? Bye Bye."
"I'm really having difficulty following this conversation, I'm heavily medicated right now?...No that's not good at all.
TEXT MSG! Oh my friend just texted me. I have to respond RIGHT NOW!!!.
That is very very easy.
Meh:
--- Quote from: teartracks on March 10, 2011, 02:43:52 AM ---[q]Why do old men do this-slip sexual content into casual conversations?[/q]
For the same reason some young men slip the money card in when they sense an older single woman might have some they can get their hands on. No couth. Senior males haven't captured the market on boorish behavior. So I'd leave the age card out and handle this old guys intrusion the same way you'd handle unwarranted intrusions from any other person.tt
--- End quote ---
Yes, that is correct OLD men.
When I make a statement as a question, usually I'm just writing in general and not requesting advice. Especially in this case I wasn't needing advice.
It's more of "question/comment to Self".
I wrote about a specific behavior I experience from OLD men. So yes, the "age-card" does have something to do with it in my personal experience.
I'm not interested in a debate about it, if you disagree that's fine.
I'm just going to say it, I don't like OLD men. That is just my preference. I don't like the double standards between men and women.
I'm not enamored with men in general, don't get me started.
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