Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Finding voicefulness......losing......finding.....practicing..
Meh:
Please god just help me to LET MYSELF BE today.
Meh:
Where is the DO KNOW?
The do know is like the difference between taking care of an injury or pushing forward when unnecessary.
The DO KNOW is the taking care........THE MIND overtaking and over running is the rushing onward in spite of the SELF.
Meh:
communication style write more here about this later.
Meh:
In one of the classes I take there is an old guy (old enough to be a grandparent) and I believe he is a psychiatrist by profession.
The same person that pointed out that I sit by myself at musical performances.
Last week when we were simultaneously at a music performance that we both frequent, he sat next to me and pointed out to me that I was sitting closer to the band this night. I replied something about how it was because there were fewer people there and it was easier to get a close seat because people are not scouting for empty chairs constantly.
He said something like ..."so you feel more comfortable when there is more space around you".. So he verbally doing some sort of cognitive feedback to me even though I'm not one of his clients.
To me this is a little weird and sort of even feels like a boundary violation because the therapist/patient relationship as far as I see it is one where there is clear authority and lack of authority. The psychiatrist is the expert who is going to "fix or change" the client and is giving that service in exchange for money. The patient has decided to go make themselves more vulnerable or impressionable than usual and pay for a service in exchange for an enhanced quality of life...all this in theory is how I see it.
So when this person who really is quite pleasant not exactly unpleasant....is talking to me in a way that is like therapy....I feel strange.
The excuse I would make up for him is that he is so use to therapazing people that when he sees an opportunity to therapize outside of his office he absent-mindedly is still in the therapist role instead of changing into a civilian role? I don't know. But if I looked for the DO KNOW that doesn't sound quite right to me.
Further more when we were at the concert he kept on touching my leg to get my attention when he would want to say something to me about the musicians. I mean it's loud there....but I still think it's sort of....like he shouldn't be doing that unless he's picking up on someone.
I don't know, last thing I wanted was for a psychiatrist to try to pick up on me if that is it......I mean I could try to talk myself out of that. And you all allready know how I feel about old men.
So the last time I had a class, he sat next to me in the class because it was the only empty chair left, and he leaned over and said hello to me and I thought it was just a little too friendly the way he said hello.
So I just introverted for the rest of the class.
I'm a little perturbed by the whole thing because I'm not signed up for therapy and my social skills or self-isolating is a sore-area for me sometimes.
Yes, It's a character flaw I have....I'm a social isolater....and he has made a point of pointing it out...and I'm not sure that is fair game to do so.
I am at a stage in life where there are some things I will work on personally and some things that I have accepted about by so-called weaknesses or flaws or whatever. I'm not a social mosh-pit person where there are a lot of loud chatting voices that is not a place where I'm going to run towards just to me in the fray. THATS me....and that is a DO KNOW.....I'm decided on keeping some of my flaws because I have used them and have a whole system of coping styles all related to the fact that I am NOT a PEOPLE person and do not wish to be. I only decide to take in community in small amounts and I'm currently taking in much more togetherness and collaboration and contribution and working with others than I have in a very long time and that is my baby step.
Yeah, I'm a party hater. I feel uncomfortable when I'm suppose to make up small talk with people I don't know. A partier WOULD NEVER GET IT.
....AND SO WHAT......this is the DO KNOW of who I AM....I'm not a big party person.....I'm SOOO not a social butterfly....
I feel uncomfortable when someone points out my aloneness. I struggle with coping with my aloneness without having someone put a spotlight onto it.
BUT he is a good example why I prefer keeping to myself....interactions with humans are just plain weird and often uncomfortable for me.
I don't want men doing pick-up techniques on me. I don't want them giving verbal cues to me, don't want them touching me.
Maybe I should call him on it. Just to be the difficult non-patient that I am.
Maybe he is trying to drum-up business for himself -getting new clients to pay mo'money.
Does it even matter?
Okay, I vented.
Meh:
I don't think there is innocent touching ever between men and women. EVER.
I think men are ALWAYS accutely aware of if they can touch a female or if there is another man that is going to bash their head in if they do so.
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