I don't know what the subject is right now.

[Meh]

I haven't had the opportunity to write anything on the board recently because I have been away from a computer/internet that I can use for the purpose of writing about personal subjects. My energy level for writing about Narcissism is pretty low also because I'm burnt out on the Narcissists in my life and I think at this point "I get it" through and through. More recently I have noticed how powerful Narcissism is and how the behaviors related to Narcissists seem to be so much about control over another person and power. I'm also simply emotionally shut down right now.

I have spent energy analyzing Narcissism because there is that victim part that wants to fix the abuser so that the victim part is no longer abused...BUT beyond that...getting beyond that part of the self that believes one can fix the abuser there is some other reality about how much ENERGY it takes to disassociate from a Narcissistic Mother completely.

I want to have other more important goals in my life and is sounds stupid but I fantasize about one day when I have totally blocked this person out of my life forever. So right now I am noticing the pressure there is within a family to maintain some togetherness even if the togetherness is devoid of trust and respect.



I h

[Meh]

Um having a problem with the bottom of the text space in this little window to write in, a technical glitch I guess.

I recently read something about "Expensive Emotions". These emotions are the ones that are draining or painful.

If I'm not conscientious and diligent all the time the "Expensive Emotions" creep up on me and I mentally (with my thoughts) perform some kind of self-abuse by thinking thoughts that result in me feeling bad.

I don't think I really came to the board to write about that, I think I really came here because I wanted to write about all the mean things my mother has said to me recently because I want some part of me to dwell in a world where my mother's version of normal --is not normal. I think I'm too tired to write now.

It's that experience of how the abusive behavior and language is treated as something that is justified and "ok" it becomes a norm.

Well, I need to work on something here, will write more later.