Author Topic: What to do with the package? Need scenerios/input  (Read 6780 times)

BlueTopaz

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What to do with the package? Need scenerios/input
« Reply #15 on: November 17, 2004, 10:24:15 AM »
Quote
My friend told me to go where you feel the most peace..........................


I really like that.  Beautiful phrase, and I believe soooo much that our "gut", our intuition tells us what is best for us...  

I find that it is my mind and all of the analyzing (and hopeful rationalizing) that I do, that often interferes with that & causes me not to listen when I don't...

I am so much a feeling kind of person, and it's really something valuable to remember & repeat... "follow the path where the peaceful feeling is"...

BT

Anonymous

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What to do with the package? Need scenerios/input
« Reply #16 on: November 17, 2004, 11:52:23 PM »
Go Where You Feel The Most Peace..........................that's it.

Anonymous

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What to do with the package? Need scenerios/input
« Reply #17 on: November 19, 2004, 06:57:59 PM »
Flower, you done good. They are a bit of poison. You are doing what you need to do to protect yourself. Kudos to a no longer "delicate" flower but a beautiful one none the less.

BlueTopaz

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What to do with the package? Need scenerios/input
« Reply #18 on: November 19, 2004, 07:01:49 PM »
Hi Flower,

Everything you said so eloquently makes so much sense, and I'm also really very glad to know that you are at a clear place, and feel good and strong, and peaceful in where you stand :D

BT

Ellie as guest

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What to do with the package? Need scenerios/input
« Reply #19 on: November 19, 2004, 11:29:30 PM »
Hi (((((Flower))))),

I can just sense how painful this is. And I know what my Nmom's stupid tactics do to me for a week or two after. It stays with you. You wonder what they are thinking, what they are trying to prove this time, how far they will go to get you to react.....

I think N parents give gifts because they see it as a power act. They feel powerful giving something and expect you to regress to the kid you used to be when they first started getting you gifts. And no matter what the gift is, they expect you to love it and fall all over them with appreciation. BUT...they could never act the same when they are on the receiving end. Because when you give them a gift it makes them feel like you are trying to be in control of them - because that is why they give you gifts....

It's a vicious circle!

I learned a valuable lesson from my 15 year old son in October. My Nmom sent him a card with a letter saying she couldn't talk to him on his 15th birthday because I wouldn't let her. I was enraged for a couple weeks because it was a lie and she knew it.

But now that I've had time to think about it, I gained some perspective of how to handle the next situation.

My Nmom sent him a check and the letter in the card. He read the letter, laughed, threw it on the ground and said "I don't care what she says, she sent me money and I'm gonna spend it. I don't care about her but I really want the money".

Some responded when I wrote that then about how I maybe shouldn't let the kids be bought by the money. But as I watched my son, he really didn't give a sheat about what she said. He never gave her another thought. But he had a blast spending the money - it was only $25.00 but he had money to spend.

So I decided to take a kids perspective the next time. Keep what I want, forget about the rest, enjoy myself.

If my Nparents want to spend their time trying to provoke me, let them waste their time that way. Using my time to fret about it is exactly what they want. If I can be more like my kids and use the Ns when it is to my benefit, like they have done to me all my life, but cut out the emotions, I am a happier person.

I will be challenged with Christmas coming, but I don't think it will be too difficult. I know they will send the kids money. I know they will try to get at me with letters and crap. They may even send us money as they have in past years. One year I was so angry at them I sent back the check they gave my H and I. But they never mentioned it later so I didn't even know how they felt about getting it back. They just ignored it as they do other uncomfortable situations.

So if they send money again, by god, I'll spend it and have fun. I will spend it on things they would absolutely disapprove of and laugh at their insanity of trying to bring me back to being their child.

Singer

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What to do with the package? Need scenerios/input
« Reply #20 on: November 20, 2004, 10:26:57 AM »
Ellie,

This puts together another section of the puzzle for me.

Quote from: Ellie as guest
I think N parents give gifts because they see it as a power act. They feel powerful giving something and expect you to regress to the kid you used to be when they first started getting you gifts. And no matter what the gift is, they expect you to love it and fall all over them with appreciation. BUT...they could never act the same when they are on the receiving end. Because when you give them a gift it makes them feel like you are trying to be in control of them - because that is why they give you gifts....


That explains it. I could never figure out why my NM appeared to be so "generous" with her gifts, but could never accept one graciously in return. NOW I get it.

Thanks,
Singer

gardener

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What to do with the package? Need scenerios/input
« Reply #21 on: November 22, 2004, 06:53:12 PM »
I couldn't help thinking about the legend of the Trojan horse when I read all your comments above...
You know the old saying, 'Beware of Greeks bearing gifts'?

This is why....

After ten years of fruitless military efforts, the Achaeans realized that Troy perhaps could be taken by cunning instead of by force, and this insight invited them to construct a WOODEN HORSE, which was to become the instrument of their victory. They let an armed force hide itself inside the horse, and in order to induce the Trojans to bring it within the walls, they left it abandoned in the plain, feigning retreat after engraving on the horse a treacherous inscription

....They basically said it had been given as a kind of offering/gift.

Once it was within the walls, the armed force climbed out and wreaked havoc. Very symbolic.... What do you think Flower?

(I suppose any gift in the other direction would be seen by the 'Greeks' as suspicious purely because, to them, a gift was a means to gain entry where other means had failed)

It's a difficult one to handle.

phoenix

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What to do with the package? Need scenerios/input
« Reply #22 on: November 22, 2004, 07:14:05 PM »
Gardener, that was an excellent analogy.

My dream:
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Two nights ago I had a dream- there were two envelopes in the mail from my dad. They looked like cards, but different at the same time. I can't quite put my finger on what it is. Like they contained something more than just a birthday card. They were thicker, stiff, and the envelope was a pale yellowish color. It almost looked business like.

One of the envelopes was addressed to me, the other was to "The Foghead". Where I live, their is a radio station KFOG. Listeners consider themselves "Fogheads". I listen occasionally. I think the term "Foghead" is more the suggestion that I am in the "fog" about the cards- I don't know what is in them, or what is the intention. In my dream my thoughts went to what to do about them- I felt that I should open them. In the dream I decided if there was a birthday check I would take the cards and check and put them away.


This is weird, but then, so are dreams - the thick yellow envelopes are my father's fingernails! There was something familiar about those envelopes and at first I couldn't place what it was.

Anyone have any idea what fingernails might mean?

Also, I figured out who the foghead is: my mother. It is exasperating for  me to see her fall prey to his false front. She truly is a foghead where it concerns my dad.

The envelopes may have been just a message- another death in my family- a Great aunt this time, 92 years old.

Phoenix

kelly as guest

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What to do with the package? Need scenerios/input
« Reply #23 on: November 22, 2004, 08:31:34 PM »
Hey Guys!  All this talk about parents giving gifts as a way to control and about unable to accept gifts.  Never-ever thought of that before.  One time I gave my mom a bottle of perfume and she NEVER used it.  Then a couple years later she gave the full bottle of perfume to my three year old daughter to play with.  Then one Christmas she told me she wanted a robe.  I spent literally two hours looking and finally choosing a fluffy one.  She immediately took it back for a silky one.

I haven't ever felt like she liked or appreciated my gifts....................I guess now I know why.  Boy, once my brother bought both my mom and dad expensive bikes - they live right on a bike trail.  They never used them.

Funny.  Another thing I didn't realize.  I haven't really gotten her a gift recently.  I always seem to get her a plant with a balloon on it!

phoenix

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What to do with the package? Need scenerios/input
« Reply #24 on: November 22, 2004, 08:55:37 PM »
Quote
http://nickm.com/dreams/alpha/f.html
It has an entry for fingernails under the "f" catagory on this page.

This site has the book Ten Thousand Dreams Interpreted
Gustavus Hindman Miller · 1901
What's in a Dream?
A Scientific and Practical Interpretation of Dreams

Don't know if that helps much though.

So sorry about the loss of the great aunt.
I've gotta go eat!


Great site - another to add to my dream favorites.

The entry for fingernail wasn't definitive enough, I guess I'll have to chew on it some more. No pun intended.

I haven't seen my Great Aunt for 30 years - I hardly remember her. So it was a formality on his part to need to tell us. You know, slip is way in.
Thank you for the sentiments anyway.

Whats for dinner?  :D Phoenix

Ah! Just as I was going to submit, the thought came, "Hard as nails".  :wink: