Spring Project: Design a healthy ego

[Guest]

Agree with Ann. Listening to myself.....that's about it, really. <neutral>

[sKePTiKal]

Yes... like "authenticity"... listening to that inner voice... is dependent on having, maintaining a good relationship with one's self. (Self-trust is also based on this... hmmm.)

It is too much of a generalization to propose that having a healthy ego = having a good relationship with one's self??

I got to looking at yesterday's list...

healthy boundaries
self-trust
a general inner sense of oneself as a "good person"
self-awareness; self-attunement; self-acknowledgement
listening to inner voice

... and healthy relationship with self seems to sum up the kinds of things we're throwing at the wall to see if they stick. Could it really be that simple? In principle or theory that is! Not so simple in practice...

[Guest]

I'm ok you're ok?

[sKePTiKal]

Maybe I'm OK - outer self and I'm OK - inner self... and they're not fighting each other so much...

LOL!!! 

[teartracks]

Keeping short accounts and NEVER charging more than 0% interest?

tt

[Guest]

2 x nice

[sKePTiKal]

Dang it... I lost my reply; try again.

tt - YES. This needs to go on the list!!

People who "keep accounts" - or keep score of what is owed them - are completely missing the point. Giving is free and doesn't expect anything in return. The giving all by itself is the "gift" returned.

Whether it's emotional stuff or who picks up the tab... a healthy ego can give without keeping score and can be comfortable receiving, too. MIL really drove this lesson home for me. We had a "giving" competition... I wouldn't let her "give up" living HER life independently, at whatever level she could physically manage... and she wouldn't let me get "stuck" on the negative wavelength or feel like I was an "outsider".

[Hopalong]

she wouldn't let me get "stuck" on the negative wavelength or feel like I was an "outsider"

What a lovely, lovely woman she was, Amber.
I am so glad you had the kindness of healthy mother love from her.

Reminds me, oddly, of what I often felt around some folks who were very religious--but who showed it in the way they interacted lovingly (not in preaching about sin and stain and subordination, etc.). I could not have shared their lives or their beliefs, but some of them darn sure got the Golden Rule.

I have a few memories with gentle relatives or neighbors who participated in churches/faiths I couldn't swallow, but the ones who really got it, were like sitting in sunshine, in that peaceful kitchen I wrote about for Bear...

Kind women. A sweetness. A reflexive, non-neurotic nurturing. An instinctive sense that what you put on a wound is gentleness, not force. Not fury, and not "systems". Just gentle presence.

You had that time with her, for a reason. And I am so glad.

love,
Hops

[lighter]

Self care and boundaries are the thing, ((Amber.))

So glad your hubby is supportive and on board for this.

Good luck.
Lighter

[Guest]

Good luck Amber. Hang on to those voicemail messages from him. You never know, they may be useful. I hope it doesn't come to that, for you, but hey, it won't hurt to keep them, if you can. Take care.

[lighter]

(((Amber and family)))

Your D's so lucky to have your support and wisdom.

Please be careful.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Amber,

I am so very sorry that this has happened in your grandchildren's lives.
I cannot imagine the pain -- rippling in all directions.

I know your D and grandchildren are incredibly lucky to have your help.

We'll help you hold on to YOU.

Sending peace, love,

Hops

[sKePTiKal]

thanks - what would I do without y'all?

[Guest]

If I had given Mud a dollar for every time I've thought that, Amber (Mud would have quite a few dollars).

[ann3]

Amber,
So sorry to hear all this.  You are a strong & wise woman.  And, yes: self care & boundaries.