Ah well whew, I'm glad you made that comment, Guest...
because although I sure do sling around "you this" and "you that" all OVER here,
my motive is clear to me.
I do want to help people. And unless I'm in a particularly f**d up space, my intention is compassion.
Odd to me that I can do it so much myself while writing here (or with friends) but have it be,
in 3-D life, when it occurs face-to-face, such a significant red flag?
With a little more reflection, I think it's not actually the form itself ("You ____") that bothers
me. Kind things, or love or humor or support, can be expressed in that phrasing too.
I think it's when a person I already subtly (perhaps not always consciously) sense is controlling or hostile or manipulative or competitive uses that phrase...that's it. On some deeper level, ftf, I actually DO recognize someone with whom I need thick strong boundaries--
When they start in analysing me or telling me "You [want/think/feel/are...____]" I am
actually alarmed. I immediately sense danger, threat, something going off the rails in the
relating.
Probably an over-reaction but I think it really is signaling something when someone I work with
(or for) or someone I have trouble relaxing around anyway, starts making those "you" statements.
Hmmm. Reminds me of the basic "I message" technique, perhaps taken to an extreme but still
a revelation at the time, that I was taught in the 70s.
Anybody else tweaked by the "you message" thing?
Hops