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Can I ask another question?

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ann3:
Hi Two,

Betrayal Bond is a heavy read, but, it's incredibly enlightening.  I think it shows that so much of our negative self image & our under valuing of ourselves was foisted upon us by other people & that we can free ourselves.  I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.

Regarding this guy, sounds like you are really listening to your gut feelings, questioning "why do I feel this way?" & then figuring out the situation based on your gut & instincts.  That's wonderful.  One way we became voiceless was because our parents did not allow us to act upon our gut feelings & instinct.

Twoapenny:
Hi Ann,

Thank you, yes, I think you're right.  I talked it through with my T yesterday as well, she asked me a few more questions, gave me a couple of "what if" scenarios and she thinks I'm handling it okay as well.  I think what's different is that usually I make an immediate attachment, then tie myself in knots fitting around what the other person wants/needs with no sense of who I am or what I want.  I think this way is more like it's supposed to be - I've spent some time getting to know him without getting involved or making a commitment (or sleeping with him), I've paid attention to a couple of warning signs, been honest with him, given him the chance to make some changes and then realised he's not for me - I think this is how it's supposed to be?

I didn't contact him yesterday - I didn't want to be the one pushing it or moulding it, I wanted to see what he would do without any input from me (and without me influencing it, something that struck me from what I've read in The Betrayal Bonds is that I can manipulate as well, so I want to be aware of that).  He sent me a text in the evening which was quite confusing and I didn't really understand, so all I texted back was that I didn't understand what he meant and I've heard nothing since.  I'm just going to leave it and concentrate on myself today, I've had a terrible headache for three days now so I'm hoping it will go and I will start feeling normal again!

Thank you, everybody :)

Twoapenny:
Hi all,

This is turning into a bit of a stream of consciousness thread for me at the mo so sorry about that but another thought occured!

I have heard from him today several times and I can see the pattern emerging now - funny how you can see things once they're pointed out to you!

We had the scenario a couple of weeks ago where I explained I wasn't happy and I got reassurances, declarations of deep feelings and promises of change.  Nothing has changed, hence my pulling back again at the moment.  He's done the same thing again, lots of messages about how much he likes me and wants to see me, how he is hoping he'll be down next week because he wants it more than anything and so on.  I have said that he seems to talk about things a lot but not actually do them which he said is probably true - but still didn't do anything!  There have been a couple on what he's lost and how sad he is that he's such an idiot and let me go.  I've just said that there's no hard feelings but I don't think it's the right time for us, just one of those things and no need to worry about it.  It's a shame, I think if he sorted himself out a bit he'd be a really nice guy but my days of waiting for guys to sort themselves out are behind me and I want one now that is already sorted!  Or at least well on the way!

I've made enquiries about dance classes; I really need to start doing something for myself so that would be a good place to start.  I feel better than I have for a couple of weeks which is funny when you don't realise something's been weighing on your mind until it's not there anymore!!

Hopalong:
How's A Fine Romance going?

That book, more than any other, helped me be healthier about the will-he won't-he of early stages and also helped me not obsess, which turned out to be the main indicator of why I hadn't been in healthy relationships...

xo

Hops

BonesMS:
((((((((((((((((((((((((((TwoAPenny))))))))))))))))))))))

I can relate to what you're dealing with.

Lately, I have gotten a bit busier with things that interest me and didn't bother to tell Mr. Idiot where I'm going, where I've gone, and what I'm involved with.  Suddenly, he's gotten more attentive and using his pet names for me i.e. "Darling" and "Sweetheart"!  HUH?!?!?   :?  *Scratching head*

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