Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Can I ask another question?
Twoapenny:
Hopsie, it hasn't arrived yet, there's been a bit of a muddle with the order so it should be here next week, looking forward to getting stuck in to it!
Bonesie, I think reading 'Addiction to Love' made me realise that there is a lot missing from my life that I am hoping will be filled up by a man. I'm in a bit of a muddle, as I expect many of us are, because I've done my best to get rid of all the toxic people from my life but I haven't replaced them all with non-toxic ones yet! So I think I really need to work on getting a hobby and meeting some new people and work on getting myself feeling better about myself without worrying about getting a guy all the time. Something in The Betrayal Bonds rang a bell for me as well, when he talks about wanting the story or the promise, and then ignoring the warning signs because the possibility of the promise coming true is too good to give up. I think I'm a bit like that, I think in the back of my mind I have this thing that someone is going to come along and make me feel complete. So I think I need to give up on that idea, accept that I have been damaged and may always have to work on myself and tweak bits about here and there and just concentrate on meeting people who might not offer me the world but may at least turn up when they say they will and be interested in some sort of two way communication between us. What I have noticed about my recent almost chap is that, having declared four days ago that he was crazy about me and wanted to see me more than anything else in the world, he has lost interest terribly fast since I have told him I wasn't prepared to keep waiting for him to come down despite my saying that I'd really like to stay friends and stay in touch. Has helped me to see that I did the right thing, this time anyway!!
Hope you continue with your new out and about approach :)
BonesMS:
(((((((((((((((((((TwoAPenny)))))))))))))))))))))))
I can SO RELATE to your insights!!! As I was reading, every fiber of my being was saying: "YEAH!!!!!!"
Bones
Twoapenny:
Hey Bonesie, I wish I could relate to my own insights!! Lol, my brain is fine with it all but all my pre-programmed bits have got other ideas!! I find it hard knowing where the lines are - the line between being patient and taking it as it comes and being a mug, or the line between being assertive or being unreasonable, knowing whether my reactions are reasonable or if they're being pushed by other, much older things that have happened in the past, knowing whether alarm bells are healthy indicators of problems or my messed up 'you must never be happy' system trying to mess things up. I spend soooo much time thinking about things and trying to make the right, healthy choices - and then often end up not being sure if I've done the right thing or not. My head is so messy inside!! Lol. Never mind, keep working on it! :)
BonesMS:
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TwoAPenny))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Twoapenny:
Thanks Bonesie ((((((((((((((Bonesie)))))))))))))))))))))))
I've spent the whole rest of the day having a complete meltdown. I have no idea whether what is in my head is me, my family, my counsellor (who at times like this I stop trusting and start wondering if she's just out to get me like everyone else). I can't separate my thoughts from my feelings, daren't get it wrong, I feel like I'm walking on egg shells the whole time just to get through the day, trying to avoid triggers, bad memories, bad feelings, eating or drinking the wrong things, walking or talking the wrong way, spending money, not spending money, staying in, going out - it's like there's not one thing in my life that I know is me, or that I know is right or true or just. It gets into such a jumble and I cried and cried and cried but I don't even know why. I'm massively doubting the situation with this chap now, I've no idea whether I've handled the whole thing the right way or not, I've no idea what the right way is!!! And my book still hasn't arrived! Why do I do this to myself? Times like this I just want to hug my mum because I feel like I really see inside her bat shit crazy head and I can see how she got where she is - she was like this one too many times and her brain just shut it all down so she could cope. It makes me feel like my heart is being torn out again. Sorry. Rambling on xxx
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