Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
misery
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Ales2 on June 08, 2011, 09:29:21 PM ---Hi CB - Funny thing is that the case resembled me in a lot of ways. I've kept darker stuff hidden even in therapy, mostly because we've just not really gotten down to it. I am the person who "refused the remedy", so its hard to hold him responsible if I failed at therapy or improving my life.
I'm climbing out of the crisis. I just try to stick to doing the three things I need to do and stay busy with that. I just get very easily discouraged and then can stop functioning.
Thanks CB for your understanding and sympathy. I'm getting more good things and concern from this board than anywhere else. :)
--- End quote ---
Ales, I am very convinced that our bodies know what we need and tell us - we just aren't always very good at listening to what they say and often block them out with medication, drink, junk food, etc etc. If your body is telling you to eat better and improve your physical health then I would always say listen to that. You might not be ready to deal with your 'dark stuff' yet - there are things I haven't talked to my T about yet and I trust her and feel she really 'gets' me. But I'm just not ready to say the words out loud yet. I think I'm slowly starting to understand that it's more about learning to live with what happened rather than fixing it. I'm starting to feel that there isn't an end point, more a point where I'll be comfortable more often than uncomfortable, feel safe more often than unsafe, have healthy boundaries more than I have unhealthy ones and so on. For me, seeing a T that wasn't hearing what I was saying would be very difficult - I've spent my life being unheard and invisible and I really don't like being around people who aren't listening to what I'm saying. Trust your instincts and do what feels right for you.
Ales2:
Picked up the phone to call my T and ask him to refer me to someone else (aside from the psychiatrist he wants me to see for the anti-d's) . I've been thinking this is what I've needed to do. I dialed, it rang and then I got voice mail, but I couldn't do it. It occurred to me as I dialed that if I ask to see someone else, I risk not being able to see him or trust him again, so I hung up.
Anyone else have this problem? Wanting help but just not knowing what else to do?
Hopalong:
--- Quote ---if I ask to see someone else
--- End quote ---
Hi Ales,
Do you actually need his permission?
Or is that the inner child feeling afraid?
A good T would not be angry if a client decided to talk to someone else...
but perhaps there's some medical insurance complication of some sort, where you have to have his approval?
(A good T would not be punitive. Ts are human and he could disagree or something, but...)
Don't you have the right, like any other adult, to go talk to whomever you choose?
If so, and if there's not a practical obstacle I don't understand...how about making an appointment with someone new?
You could discuss it with this T later.
xo
Hops
Ales2:
Thanks Hops for your post.
No practical obstacle - other than I would not know who to go see. I only went to T because I really thought this one would be the end all, he's considered an expert on NMoms. My reason would to ask him would be that he just knows me and how I am to a certain degree and maybe he could make a better choice for me than I can make for myself. Everything I choose seems to work out badly for me so I thought input would help.
I dont really think he would be punitive, but I've known him long enough to know he has feelings too.
Twoapenny:
Hi Ales,
I have often found myself wanting help and not knowing where to turn! How is this T other than the anti-d issue? If you had a really clear conversation with him - along the lines of "I trust you and find talking to you helpful but I have made my mind up that anti-ds are not right for me at the present time so I would like it if we could leave those out of the conversations for the time being" would that help at all? I mean is it just the anti-d thing that is a problem or are there other things about him you don't find helpful? Might be that you can tweak what you have with him rather than changing?
If not, are you able to get a list of therapists in your area and contact them directly? Not sure how your system works over there. I've seen two therapists here (through my own choosing), both of whom I contacted myself and then the usual method is you meet for an initial session to decide if you think you are suited. Anyway of doing something similar so you feel comfortable with who you are talking to? Maybe there is someone who is more suited to your natural drug free way of dealing with things? Perhaps that's more important than someone who knows a lot about NMums? I think the damage through abuse is similar, however, you've received it, so maybe focus on what you need rather than what your mum has, if that makes sense?
Sometimes I find if I leave things for a few days the answer sort of pops up - I see an advert or read a book or overhear a conversation - you know those times when it seems like someone is hearing you and leaves you a little clue about what to do next? Anyway, I hope you find someway to move forward fairly soon xxx
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