Re: My story (kind of long)

[seastorm]

At one point, I started to think my step-dad (who sexually abused me) wasn't so bad. I thought he was getting better and that maybe we could have a decent father-daughter relationship.

WRONG.  When visiting my parents a few weeks ago, my step-dad said "I saved your life when doing that  to you" (molesting me at 12)

I am so sorry that you had to listen to that brainless bastard and be trapped in a car with him. He demonstrated how such monsters rationalize sexually abusing a vulnerable child. I wish I had been in the back seat when he started his asinine monologue. It makes me furious to think that he was so stupid and such a numbskull as to say this to you.

As for your mother,  I can't understand why she would not want to do some serious injury to the pervert.



WHAT?  He said that he was trying to protect me from running off with some guy at school and getting some disease.  He said it wasn't for him to enjoy and that it was for me. He also, "Well, you liked it..didn't you?"  I tried to explain to him that a 12 year old can't consent and that what he did encourages kids to be overly sexual.  He wasn't saving me for anything.  He didn't get it.


He is utterly disgusting. Obviously, he is a psychopath and has no empathy for you. This is entirely his responsibility. Your boyfriend was way out of line to suggest that your stepdad is a nice guy. Nice guys don't abuse little girls, EVER.

EWWW.....I had to sit an hour with him in the car listening to this garbage.


At least I know now that he hasn't changed or gotten better.  For a minute, I started to think he was guilty.  My stupid ex would tell me, "He's not so bad. He really does feel bad. Give him a chance!"  My f*cking ex was wrong, and I brainwashed to believe that my ex knew everything and that I was stupid.

I am glad you are not with your ex. His lack of insight is appauling.

The weird thing is my mom leaves me alone in the car with him!  That's just odd. I told my mom what he said.  She got mad at him and said sorry.

That just isn't enough.  Your mom needs to put protecting you above everything else.  I am sorry you were treated that way.

Love,

Sea storm

[nolongeraslave]

Thanks for the response, seastorm.  I hope all of you are doing well.  I haven't forgotten this forum, but it has been intense lately with life outside of online. 

I don't know where to start, as I'm getting flashbacks of being molested.  My step-dad yelled at me for telling my mom what he said in the car.  Gee, and my mom wonders why I didn't tell anyone?

My step-dad will tell me to control my anger and stop being stubborn, yet he will do the same thing.

Once I flew back to where I live now, my parents called me again and told me to forget what happened and just "bury" it.

That's what I've been doing for so many years. It's done more harm than help.

[lighter]

Well, you can't bury it, Slave.

And you can't simply hang out with mom and stepdad while pretending they aren't criminally abusive neglegent ammoral human beings.

That's what they are.

Both of them.

I you're going to visit with them, you need to stop expecting them to be anyone else.

And where the heck was mom when SD was yelling at you for "telling" again?

I'm horrified she stayed with him after she found out he molested you.  Horrified she left you in the car alone with him this time.  Horrified she got "mad" at him for making that innpropriate comment, but obviously an honest comment.

Your mother's married to a pedophile that harmed her baby daughter.

It seems like nothing's been resolved since you were 12yo, and I can't imagine any excuse sd could have made to make your mother forgive and forget.

You must feel like you've walked into a time warp every time you visit.

I'm so sorry you're stuck trying to feel sane in that impossibly insane situation. ((Slave))

Lighter

ps  I don't usually comment on FOO issues like this.  I apologize if I'm way off base somewhere.

[nolongeraslave]

My mom was at home when my step-dad and I were in the car. He was driving me to the airport.  

My mom was angry at me for not giving into one of her control/manipulation antics (long story), so she didn't come with my step-dad to drop me off at the airport.

While angry, I tried to go no contact again. My mom always says "Fine! I swear to god that I won't talk to you ever!"  Days later, she comes crawling back acting all sweet. This is the 2nd time she has done this. Going no-contact just doesn't seem to work.  It's so exhausting.

I went to visit family mainly b/c my friend was getting married, and I wanted to see another good friend.  I obviously can't stay at a hotel when visiting the town where my parents live.  My parents would cause more drama.   My parents "think" I'm coming to visit them, when I'm really going for something else (friends, etc). 

I have decided not to go visit  them for Christmas.  My roommate noticed I have been messed up mentally ever since visiting them.

Simply saying "I don't want to see you" isnt' enough. It will cause a lot of hell in the household.  I'm just going to say I'm going on a trip with some friends, which is what I may be doing anyway.


I needed to collaborate with my step-dad anyway on my car issue.  It has been 6 months just to register a freaking car from Illinois in the state of massachusetts.  The car had to be transferred from my parents to me, and it involved a LOT of paperwork/talking back and forth to parents, etc

[lighter]

From here, SNL....

getting all your car stuff in order, then choosing NOT to spend time in your parent's home seems a more sane option.

So what they cause chaos.

So what they'll make trouble...... you can only control you. 

Not them.

It obviously takes a huge toll on you to spend time like that with them, and you have choices.

Heck, you have friends there. 

Couldn't one of them have driven you to the airport?

Not admonishing you. 

Just giving you my POV, which isn't telling you what to do.  Just say'in.

Lighter

[nolongeraslave]

I just realized my cell phone is on the family plan. I tried to get it off the family plan, but Sprint refused to do it without my dad's permission.  If he says "no", they will not take my cell phone off the family plan.  It's much cheaper being on the family plan though, as opposed to having my own account.

I'm not interested in changing my number AGAIN, especially when I I had to change my number twice due to predatory-like men that were harrassing me. Why should I do it a third time?  I hate it when people condescendingly keep asking "Why do you keep changing your number?"

As for my friends in Chicago, my one true friend doesn't drive. My other "friends" were simply the result of living with N.  I unconsciously made friends that were similar to an N, so I don't really like to ask things from them.  

The only other option is take a cab, but my parents will stop me.

I think one has to truly be in this situation to realize that no contact isn't the easiest option. My parents know that I can slip away, so they're doing everything in their power to keep me tied to them. 

[lighter]

Sorry.  You don't have to go no contact, and I don't believe I suggested it.

I do want you to realize that limiting your contact is a very real option.

Lighter

[nolongeraslave]

Lighter, I'm sorry I misread what you're trying to imply. I had to re-read it a couple of times. 

Yes, low contact is what I plan to do as long as their alive.

NM hasn't even called within 2 weeks. It's kind of strange, but relieving!  She usually calls once a week.  She used to do it daily, but gradually cut down.

I've thought about calling her out of guilt and just to keep things "civil," but I know I shouldn't.  I want to enjoy the breath of fresh air!

[lighter]

I'm just glad to read there's distance between you and them, Slavenolonger.

Glad to read you're enjoying a respite from your mother's phone calls.

Breath the free air, my friend.....

and live your life in the present.

Lighter

[nolongeraslave]

I bumped up this topic only to say that my cell phone is finally off the family plan. To me, that means another step away from control.

I don't know what changed my parents' mind, but I told them again I want my own plan.  They agreed to it. Yeah, I have to pay more money, but it's finally mine.

Today was rough sitting on the phone for more than an hour talking to 3 different people just to transfer my account and saying that I have to have  my step-dad authorize me permission to start the account.