Home & heart

[Hopalong]

Hi all:

Home update--THE HOUSE SOLD. I'm in shock and emergency find-housing mode, as the buyers insist on closing Aug. 2, and since my yard sale drama you can imagine how much I feel on top of purging/packing/moving (much less finding and buying and inspecting and financing, while working FT...). Buuuuut...it does mean this limbo is over and a new chapter has begun. Hard to believe it's finally happening.

I'm looking at tiny houses. There are very very few in my price range in this verrrry expensive area. So some are in more urban and poor neighborhoods, and so it goes. One has so much charm it is a serious draw, though again, I'm a bit concerned about aging in place there as a woman alone. I could choose a tiny apt. in the old-age ghetto and my spirit recoils. I'm working hard to not be led by my fears, though, and there are many reasons that bungalow continues to draw me. (There's also a retired cop next door...) Will keep you posted, but it'll be sporadic as between now and the end of July I'll probably be in daily increasing stress mode.

(Or more likely I'll be posting like a maniac every day BECAUSE I'm in stress mode!)

Heart update -- My D is still jobless, in real economic peril (like, no rent) unless she moves mountains within weeks herself. The positive news, relationship wise, is that she has been so affected by her stepmother's terminal condition nearby (and the resulting renewed contact with her brothers), that she has thawed toward me and we're much more in touch. She feels lost and desperate but is talking to me about it, instead of blaming me for it. What a change.

Please send her tsuamis of white light. She feels desperately alone and drowned in debt and has been negative for so long it's hard for her to think new ways, allow for new possibilities or hope. I've sent Goodwill boxes of things she could wear for interviews but she's deeply distracted by the hospice vigil and all the old family dynamics that are playing out there for her.

Good news on the "distraction" front -- she agreed to try ADD Rx, my own dear dr. here (who's also seen her before) arranged for me to fill an Rx and ship it to her. So if that is the "brain focus" rescue for her I'm praying it will be, her life COULD take a turn for the better. Much, much white light needed though...seriously, I do believe in it and thank you from the heart for any thoughts you can send her way (she's in Miami).

love to all--you have supported me so much in absolutely everything, I cannot adequately describe how very, very much you have meant in my life...

Hops

[Twoapenny]

Hopsie, I am so happy you have sold your house even though I do understand what a lot of work it's going to be moving in a short space of time.  Sorry to hear that your daughter is in a difficult place but glad that you are talking and she seems to be mellowing about the situation a bit.  Sending lots of love and white light her way and also beaming the same to you; I hope the right thing appears at the right time and it all starts to fall into place.  You're doing an amazing job and I hope that this is the start of a more settled phase for you (((((((((((((((((((Hopsie)))))))))))))))))))))) and (((((((((((((((((((((Hopsie DD)))))))))))))))))))))))) xxx

[sKePTiKal]

OH CONGRATULATIONS HOPS!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you've had time to feel the relief that's part of the sale. If not, I think you should find a few hours to just sit and appreciate the significance of this moment. Finding a new place - choosing the one YOU want - will undoubtedly be a busy, crazy, tiring time... and there's such potential for FUN in this, too. It's time to unfurl those wings o' yours and fly into a future full of new, and good things: people, places, connections.... all of it. Strut your stuff, girlfriend... time to flaunt it!!

Don't fear for your D; I know you will worry anyway... just do add some trust (in the universe) into that mix. From what you've said about her right now... this could be a very pivotal turning point for her... and what she needs to hear and feel now from you, is that you are confident in her ability to choose well for herself; take care of herself. Let her suggest the path... the solutions... and be as supportive as you can, while still being that very realistic sounding board she needs. It almost sounds as if you and she are experiencing parallel transitions - and it's important that you each do this your own way; in your own style; for your own goals. Life is funny sometimes, how this happens... but I've seen windows of communication and relational transition while maintaining or even cultivating a deeper relationship open up with my Ds because this kind of thing. It's been a very good thing for me and my Ds, difficult as their situations have been.

I'd say this news of yours, is worthy of an official amazon happy dance, Hops!

[Hopalong]

I am still naive.

It's not SOLD-sold. We had a real offer but then they attached a ton of repairs after the inspectino (what part of "as is" did they not grasp?) and now want a huge price drop which would limit my safe/liveable options even more, so although the realtors are still schmoozing each other...looks likely that these will not be Real Buyers after all.

...still, as these things go, it can all change in a day.

LIMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, but I'm keeping my balance relatively well...

Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Take heart, Hops. But it won't hurt to cross your fingers... and hope for another offer.

Realtors are professional schmoozers... and believe me, they're "hungry" for sales/commissions... they'll be your best advocate and work hard to find a compromise and explain to the interested party what "as is" means, legally. You could counter with a token price drop - make the bait dance a bit - and see if all they're trying to do is scoop up a rock-bottom bargain (at your expense)... or if they're seriously interested in the property and might counter-counter with an amount that splits the difference...

if you can get anywhere NEAR the amount you need to either purchase another property outright for cash -- or with an extremely small mortage payment (and anything under $1000/mo is considered small these days; those mortgages DO exist) then the decision becomes one of numbers -- the carrying costs of the current place, versus selling for less than you really wanted. Remember that other sellers are also settling for less, in many cases, too; they might be totally desperate to sell at any price and people ARE offering making embarrassingly low offers these days; and therefore negotiations are settling well below (10-20%) of the asking price. That's not considered piracy, these days... it's a real drop in "fair market value", sadly.

[Hopalong]

In a way I wish I could have compromised and lowered the price again...
but my brother's contributing not a dime to keep it going and I have
decided I have to conserve my own funds.

If I did the repairs they were demanding, or dropped the price as much
as they demanded, I'd be deeper in debt and farther away from being
able to afford a little place I could smile in.

So I said No. I'll never be certain whether it was the right choice but
it's the only one that made sense and the pressure...whew. I was also
afraid to open the can of worms of volunteering to do these things on
my own dime, since the agreement with my brother on the sale does
specify "as is".

Apparently these buyers did the same thing for another house around
the corner--made an offer, and then demanded everything on the inspection
be remedied (and these are spacious, gracious but 50+ year old houses).

So I'm uncertain and pretty exhausted. If/when there's another offer,
I will be a lot slower to leap into house-hunting, and I won't accept a
four-week timetable. I went into enormous stress and paid $500 to have
this very very old bungalow inspected, since the buyers were trying to
get me out practically immediately. (Their first offer had their closing on
July 20 with taking possession the 21st! Which would give me ONE DAY.)

Nuts. Sharks. Whew.

Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Perhaps things are different state by state... but I know for a fact, that we had to pay for inspections as a BUYER Hops; not the seller. Since the inspection has been done, the major "issues" will need to be disclosed to the next "lookers"... who can still have their own inspection done, etc. The seller's financial choice is making the repairs or lowering the price.

I think you're right; that offer was made by landsharks... and I don't think you'd have felt good if the deal had gone through.

Patience. When a property is being sold as part of an "estate", unexpected things can come up. Including multiple offers, title issues that delay closing, etc. Perhaps your realtor could spend a little time, making sure everything like that is in order... so when the next nibble comes in, all the pieces will quickly and easily fall together.

30 days to close, is the usual Hops. So, I wouldn't stop being an expert on the local MLS listings in your price range... let your list of favs rotate... and I'd try to pack what I didn't absolutely need to have to live normally, so that there is less to do. We moved in Jan '10 - I had to start packing in October 09; and I was just finishing up when the movers arrived at 5 am. Packing DID involve donating a lot of stuff, and recycling tons of paper and books - my guerilla runs to Salv Army and the landfill done while hubs was at work... otherwise I'd still be there packing! As it is - we have the garage yet to clear at that house, some basic furniture left in the house, etc.

Yep; it's certainly stressful. But hey - I lost a few pounds in the process!    And it's made me really appreciate backpacking philosophy...

[lighter]

Hi Hops:

I'm familiar with this situation in house selling and house hunting, unfortunately.

The good new is, you have more information on what you'll do when the house does sell, and you can take care of smaller repairs that don't cost,  but show the house in a better light. 

That you're competing with foreclosures makes it tough.  Buyers want the foreclosure price, with owners putting everything in perfect repair.  Just nuts in older properties, if you don't want to give everthing away.  You'll probably make some  inexpensive repairs, that pretty things up, then have a heart to heart with your realtor about the reality of future offers.

Friends used the pods to get their moving situation taken care of.  They loved filling the pods at their own pace, and having them stored till they were ready, or just having the pod there on the property.  Not sure if that would work for you, but it could help edit the house down so it shows better, and you can have a lot of packing done, just in case.
 
It warmed my heart to read about the thaw between you and your daughter.  She'll find her way, (((Hops)))

  ::sending prayers and white light to you and your dd::

Lighter

[Hopalong]

thanks, PR and Lighter...I know this stuff is an ordeal for anybody who goes through it.
What a whiner I am.

PR, the inspection I paid for was on an 1925 bungalow I was going to BUY, believing
that the offer on my home was going to go through. The "buyers" paid for the inspection
on my home. So, I spent over $500 on finding out all about a place I now can't buy.
Expensive learning experience.

Lighter, VERY good advice to step up the purging and packing regardless. I intend to.
This just caught me off guard because we'd had zero offers in 8 months and I just
figured (stupidly) I'd probably be here at least another winter.

Oh well, lessons learned. And my housemate and I are just fine continuing as it is.
(She's been wonderful. If/when she moves on, though, I'll be hard-pressed to find
another housemate who wants to deal with the stream of showings, uncertainty, etc.)

But it will all work out. Just have to turn the dial down on my anxiety and press on.

I'm doing okay today.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Whine away Hops!! Even when the process goes well, it's exhausting... and physically touching every single piece of accumulated stuff brings up so many emotional associations and memories... and that also takes a toll. I like Lighter's idea of a Pod; my packing situation was made worse by not having any place to put boxes - they were stacked as high as I could reach/lift and they still crowded the space so much, that I eventually ran out of room to pack efficiently. Boxes take up more room than the stuff itself. Thanks Light - I might even be able to use that one, myself.

Packing like this... might have some intangible benefits. You'd be "doing something toward your goal" while in the waiting process. It would be a little at a time - physically less taxing. And Lighter's right - less stuff in your house will help other folks imagine their own in the space.

Sorry I misunderstood about the inspection! My brain is a little scrambled from this book I've been reading - more on that, once I finish it and digest the message.