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Nboss issue

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Hopalong:
My boss has demanded an unethical behavior from the whole staff.
I understand he's alarmed by competition, and ambitious. And I know
he is ethically compromised, partly by his 20 years in an ashram, where
people did whatever the guru told them. (He's repudiated all that but
I think internalized a lot of guru entitlement in spite of himself.)

I have gently but very clearly expressed my objections (in an email
to him and the senior staff). Another senior staffer told me he thought
all would be well, and that Boss actually "appreciates it when brought
to his better self." I like that person a lot, he's all about NVC, but I
also find him naive about personality disorders.

I am glad I did the right thing but also a bit scared.
I know about challenging Ns and have lived through a great deal of N-payback
in my time.

It may turn out okay. He has a side where he gushes over positive values
like forgiveness, compassion, etc., that he says I have. But I know his darker
side as well, and I have now openly stated I am troubled by what this order
would do to our company's reputation for integrity. Others were troubled
by it too but I'm the only senior person who spelled it out.

So...I'm a bit scared and just want to ask for moral
support.

He could be vicious to me for challenging his self-image (Mr. Integrity)
or...he could swallow all that and recognize I'm defending the company
from harm. That's also possible. (There have been companies fined
hundreds of thousands by the FTC for this behavior he asked for.)

(Don't need suggestions to take it to outside agencies, etc., as that
is not something I can take on...).

Just need some steadiness and calm so I don't react from fear.
He always responds to email, even on weekends, and this time,
he's silent.

Nerve wracking!

tx,
Hops

sKePTiKal:
oh.... Hops.... I hear ya and understand how you feel. Let's have a hug, for a bit... and just breathe to calm. You did what you felt you had to do and with all the best reasons for even taking that risk. Time to release the outcome from this... and take care of you.

I've been processing some (new to me) info about how the fear one feels, based on expectations, which are further based on past experience... are actually neural networks of associations in our brains that send out these chemicals to our body, which in turn sends the chemicals on to the fight/flight brain... insuring that kind of feedback loop moves into an out-of-control freak out. This perspective is all so Mr. Spock-like, vulcan-logical... and knowing this doesn't help one iota with the feelings one feels.

That said - I just "stepped out of the way" in one of my mom's attempts to drag me into the middle one of her manufactured crises by not answering her calls. I've been feeling the same old programmed kind of fear, overhanging doom and gloom... and uncertainty as ever. I'm taking a risk, that has a time-limit to it; I know I eventually have to talk to her or shut that door forever. I was able to stop my feedback loop or at least throttle it back from running away with me.

Feedback loops work for positive emotions and well-being, too. Ya know how I repeat the "It's OK, everything's gonna be all right" mantra? That was a desperate stab-in-the-dark wild guess in trial and error attempt to create a positive feedback loop... to keep my fear level low enough... to keep my higher brain consciousness engaged... and thinking instead of reacting. This helps me "keep calm and carry on"... gives me time to review my situation in more detail... and in turn, if I am confronted by something unpleasant down the road - I'm in a way better place to deal with it than if I'm stuck in worst-case scenario what-ifs... and not an emotional basketcase, either. It's pretty nice when it works; when I'm actually able to do this. That's not always the case.

Maybe it does help a little to know how to control those feelings that seem so intense they blot out the sun... knowing that my old mind-patterns are responsible for sending out the call to the cavalry... I'm still working with it, and am not deciding one way or another yet. Passing it on, in case you wanna try it. And backing it up with another BIG HUG... 'coz that's also the best kind of positive feedback loop.  :D

BonesMS:
((((((((((((((((Hops)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm glad you did the right thing!

Given what your NBoss is attempting to force everyone to do makes me think of what's happening to Rupert Murdoch now.

Bones

sKePTiKal:
Any new developments, Hops? You feeling a bit better?

Hopalong:
He's pissed. We're having a meeting tomorrow with him and senior staff.

I am not going to present my discomfort again because I already made it clear. I prefer to let the Very Important Men squirm their way through it on their own. I have already presented my reasoning both for being personally uncomfortable, and also for being concerned for the company.

I'm going to respond by being pretty quiet. I'll answer any direct questions but otherwise, I think silence is a much wiser course. They already know what I think. Nboss doesn't care. But it's possible others do enough that he'll pivot for image massage. (I pinned back my kind colleague's ears about it this evening. He is reflexively a "company man" despite being personally very decent. He said his wife would agree with me...he's trying to "get it". I am disappointed in him but not really surprised.)

JEEZ. I thought ethics were not quite so elusive. Is there something about the Internet that means "lying" isn't "lying" any more? Does just using pseudonyms evacuate all responsibility for truth telling? (I know the answer and it's a bummer. If I weren't typing away on VESMB under my anony-handle at this moment, I'd say the Interwebs is dangerous territory...)

He did respond by email saying something like, "Other companies do this unethical thing so who cares."

What galls me MOST is that he bills himself (and presses everyone to polish this notion of him to customers) as having Unusual Transparency and Very Special Integrity. Mask is crumbling, because he's scared. But he's manipulated and coaxed me to polish his image for years now. This is one step too far, for me.

I was honestly shocked that he made that demand at a whole-staff meeting. Just ONE disgruntled employee could do such damage. We've actually already been threatened by a competitor for disingenous or misleading claims (much as I've tried to contain them)...and imo, he's being reckless and potentially making us MORE vulnerable.

What shocks me is that I'm the lone voice about this.

Ick. But I'm not vibrating with fear...just tense.

Hops

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