Slander... is defending your honor necessary?

[debkor]

Hi fraidy,

I was under attack by N friend to other friends.  I didn't discuss, wasn't angry, pretty much ignored ...the slander (or tried to be slander) from N.  My friends know me as much as they know N friend.  They know (how she is) for she has exposed herself many of times (although) they don't know (narcissism).  These are my friends, my family, my sister's.  Everyone else she can knock herself out with and may believe her for a while AND I DON'T CARE for they really Don't Know nor do I care to explain, defend, or even know many of them.  I know of them (the same way they know of me) through her (words) same slander against them when things are just not going her way or she is in the Devalue Stage.   And yes....some was put on facebook when her b/f ran for the hills (out of state) to get away from her.  The only thing that happened is (everyone) thought of her as an ass and childish.  The post was quickly removed by N but the message was put out there. The response (was of no response) clearly to be seen and commented on.
It was not (online) but there are some offline (that laughed) thought it was great.........AND THEY WERE THE PEOPLE just like her  .......Un aware that they are no different or thought about different from N.  She destroyed her relationship all by herself with her Ex, her children, her family, some of her friends, employment, new people, old people, and it never ends but it does Blow Up into Flames (as you wrote).  I have even heard people try to explain themselves...I didn't, it's lies, let me explain.........and there is NO NEED to explain anything (really) cause I know what she is, what she does, and what she will continue to do.........if you feed her fire it will be eternal....Ignore her, the comments, the non comments, and eventually she will burn herself out, with most people (not all) but most.  You will become boring to her after awhile and there will be
the people (around her) whom she wins over (under the new attack) upon them.

Right out of N's mouth (attack upon her bf) on face book.....I do it because I know it upsets him.........She get's a response.   She hates, drives her crazy, if she get's No Response and is Ignored. 

Facebook is a great tool for N's and a great tool to Expose themselves.  They always do.  Just some people don't get ..An N?  They do get (anyone normal) that it's not Normal to Air anything personal on a Wall/Post or thier feelings about another......N or Not.  They are sour grapes and something is done for a reason!!!!!!! To Harm!! in N case.

Ignore it.  Delete her.   You can't shut them up!!!   So shut them Out!

Deb

[sKePTiKal]

Dang it. Deb & I must've posted simultaneously... and the server accepted her post... and mine just evaporated.

I was gonna post about our fear that other people will be fooled into believing an N's version of reality and had a long story to tell about it. I probably can't recreate it now... so it's a good thing Deb got all the ideas out that I was gonna say!! LOL...

[fraidycat]

Hi Deb and PR @ Pr, I hate when that happens!
 I delete her as a friend over a year ago. We are a year apart, grew up in the same neighborhood went to the same school, church etc. We have around one hundred friends in common.  I only see what she responds on their posts. I wish I didn't have to see anything from her because she's trying to provoke me through them. I have been ignoring her for a while now but I am sensitive about it. I have four N's in my biological family that have attacked my reputation and integrity. One lies and the others swear to it....story of my life. Four against one is not good odds. After a lot of damage was done I cut them out of my life one by one over the past ten years, it was hard. I isolated myself for years but now I need a jumping off point to get back into socializing and FB has really helped. I think she realized that I was having fun with it and that I had a good rapport with people, was jealous and is just trying to slap me down. She uses religion and strict morals as a weapon but her words and actions don't reflect either one. People are seeing it & getting sick of her. But I feel like I'm being avoided by some to avoid her.


Fraidy

[Hopalong]

Fraidy,

I don't know much about how FB works but I was imagining a message you might put up (unless that's nuts):

I want to say how very much it has meant to be to be on FB and come out of some long-term
isolation. Thank you to everyone who posts such positive, friendly, and interesting things. You may not
even know how wonderful this outlet is for me, but I enjoy looking for those messages every day!

Something like that?

Those who are innately "friendly" will get it, and those who haven't really been positive voices, may
either change their ways or fade away. It might even subtly warn them that you've begun to experience
something that might be the opposite of what you mention...but you're just too classy to go there.

??

Hops

[fraidycat]

Thanks Hops, I am considering using your words as a guide. I usually don't post anything deep on FB but if this gets worse your suggestion is a graceful way of getting the point across without provoking. I appreciate it.

Fraidy

[mudpuppy]

IMO, tell the truth once and let the chimps fall where they may.
Those who are fools will not believe you no matter how many times they hear the truth, those who aren't only need to hear it once.

mud

[Guest]

I believe that to be true, Mud.

Some truths are a bit more difficult though. They need repeating and then they might get heard.

[fraidycat]

Mud that was my initial reaction, lay the cards on the table and let them decide for themselves. Good way to weed out the idiots. I wanted to do it privately but then realized I might be putting them in the middle of something that they didn't want any part of so I let it go. Fw I agree.

Fraidy

[fraidycat]

Several friends posted that this is national sisters week on FB....lucky me! I don't have time for my sisters pity party this week so I think I'll just focus on Thanksgiving and the people I have to be thankful for.

Fraidy

[sKePTiKal]

"National Sisters Week"??? So that's what Congress is doing between recesses that's keeping them so busy and distracting them from being useful!!

LOL. Who knew there was such a holiday? It's not on any of my calendars!! (And the calendar is the authority, right??) All these "Hallmark Holidays" are getting out of control...

[sfalken]

I just wanted to say, that I've been through this, with my Nmother and Borderline Father. They've slandered me high and low - to every person they come into contact with, and its had a very real cost. I've lost virtually all of the family and friendships I had growing up... except for a couple.

But, though it has been hard, I've learned over time, that if people are so easily swayed - and so easily convinced of the way my parents characterize me, without talking to me or giving me the benefit of the doubt first based on the years they've known me - then so be it. Let them fall away. It hurts, but its better to let it happen now when you understand the variables, then to be surprised later.

I would also say that those couple of friendships I mentioned above - I value them high above all others, because they went through the fire of my N parents - and came out solid and pure. Better one relationship or friendship like that, than hundreds of false ones.

I know it's hard though. Just meant as encouragement.

SF

[fraidycat]

Thanks SF,
Your experiences and mine mirror each other. Sometimes the injustice of loosing people through the unfairness of others makes me want to reclaim what I once had. Life's not always fair and I have learned to move on for the most part. It's always harder for me during the holidays, I reflect on making things right and wonder what it would have been like to have a loving family. I am doing exactly what you described "letting them fall away" If they cant give me the benefit of the doubt or at least look at things from both sides. they don't deserve me...still hurts though. Thanks for your understanding and encouragement, I know I'm not alone.

Fraidy