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need adivse on how to get over this

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KateG:
Alan -

Thanks for the response to my post.  You are dealing with this a lot better than I am and I appreciate your positive outlook .  You  reminded me that I can make this what I want it to be and although I know I have to deal with the pain, deal with why I stayed in this relationship way too long, I will try not to wallow in misery!

Your response also reminded me of one of my favorite quotes and I think you will appreciate it


" It is rewarding to find someone you like, but it is essential to like yourself. It is quickening to recognize that someone is a good and decent human being, but it is indispensable to view yourself as acceptable.It is a delight to discover people who are worthy of respect and admiration and love, but it is vital to believe yourself deserving of these things.

For you cannot live in someone else. You cannot find yourself in someone else. You cannot be given a life by someone else. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave or lose.

To the question of your life, you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only solution." Jo Coudert


Hope you are having a nice Sunday.

Kate

Alan:
Thanks, Kate.  I'm having an OK Sunday, not pining to much for the xN.  I have a tough time on Sundays.

The only reason I'm handling it better than yourself or others is that I have gone thru loss of relationships in the past, my first divorce and then a subsequent relationship devestated me.  

I've relied on my therapy and experience to get me thru.  I try to get to the truth as quickly as possible.  That's why my marriage to my N basically lasted less than 2 years.  She has had relationships that lasted 5, 3 and 13 years.  I'm a truth seeker and when I find it, I do what needs to be done.  I feel just like everyone else.  It's too bad I have to rely on my training again.  

Your quotes are true.  That's what we need to live as best as possible.

KateG:
Alan -

I think Sunday's are hard for a lot of people. For the first few months I ended up at my parents by 3:00 p.m. every Sunday,where I would collapse on their bed and cry until I feel asleep.  Just thinking about it makes me realize how much better I feel today.   I make it a point to make either breakfast or lunch plans on Sunday so I actually leave my house instead of thinking about how much I am hurting.  This has helped a lot.  There is something to be said for keeping busy but there is a fine balance between being busy and being so busy that you avoid your feelings.

I think that a big part of my problem is not wanting to accept the truth and instead wanting to hold on to the mirage of what I thought we had, who I thought he was.  I guess I had a lot invested int his relationship to the extent that he was the first person I ever thought I could marry and I never thought about my future without him.  It is a big adjustment.  It also makes me feel bad to know that what meant so much to me meant nothing to him and he could so easily go out with other people.  I guess this should not be a surprise since he went out on dates the entire time we were together.  I still cannot even think about going on a date with anyone and I will not until I am in a better place.  That is how I ended up with my ex - n as I had just broken up with someone three weeks before meeting him and I jumped into another relationship rather than dealing with the pain of the end of that previous relationship.

Have you read the books, "The four Agreements" or "Mastery of Love?"  I think you would really like both of them and would find them useful.

Glad you were alright today and I hope you have a nice week.

Kate

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