Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

De-sistering and de-cluttering with K.

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lighter:
((Izzy,)) it warms my heart to picture you enjoying ice cream by the lake with Karla.

Lighter

Izzy_*now*:
Thanks lighter,
Karla is so good to know what I need and don't need. We were at Citi Park at the lake and many people wander off to the grass, or sit on benches close to the lake, or fiddle around at the jewelry stands---and I know people who would want to go to the grass under a tree for shade--- well no way now-- cause Karla knows. She finds a bench in the shade and I can get to it and not go through a 3' drop to the grass level in the park, turn a somersault and lose my ice cream and dignity.

Thanks Hops,
I sent an email to Sister today about triangulation (or is that called strangulation?)  I have a feeling she doesn't know about it and when it's pointed out she will see that's been happening since 1969. I tried to very gently give my view on this ans said that her view in return would be welcomed.

Noted for all to read.
D said this:
"What you were saying makes so much more sense when you substitute acknowledgement for validation. I will not claim understanding of your situation, but I think that I am best placed to have a concept of what your life has been like."

This one is worth its own thread:
"What is it about human nature that we tend more to remember the difficult over the easy? the bad over the good? What is this attention we give to the negative, forgetting the positive? I ask because I feel bad. I feel bad because the memories of the difficult times have erased the good times, the anger I experienced has occluded the love I must have received, the dysfunction overriding the function.
 
Good one! supports about my Will designating Guardianship:
"....you cleared up for me a few years ago, was thinking that no one wanted me because I was being passed around, and then you had to pay someone to take care of me. I thought I wasn't wanted by anyone. But I seemed to understand that you still wanted me.

Last:
"But I do understand. Maybe not as deeply as you would like (how could anyone?), but I do understand. You are a strong, very strong woman, and you have lived through a lot. Way more hardship and suffering than anyone should have to endure in life. I feel terrible about that, and in my part in creating your loneliness. I too have things that I carry with me and that is one of them. I have not forgiven myself for my bad judgement in chosing g__s' side over you. It was wrong, and I apologize again. I can't undo it. I do feel however that coming out of it helped us to get to a place that was better for us than where we were, because I was more empowered in our relationship, and I could say things to you that I couldn't before, and that has allowed us to have these dialogues"

All is not lost---ME

Love
Izzy

Hopalong:
Oh what a joy to read.

Your D does have a heart, and a conscience, and does love you, Izz...

For so long you feared she didn't.

She DOES!

Happy for you, love,

Hops

lighter:
Izz:

Such terrible damage.... so much pain and hurt through the years.

It's gotta be difficult for your s and d to come out of deep denial, blame and minimization to face reality.

((((Izzy))))  I'm glad communication with your child has moved into a more honest space.
Lighter
 

sKePTiKal:
Iz - about remembering the horrible over the good times...

our brains, I think, are designed to form more concrete memories of things that can potentially hurt us - things to be feared. It becomes part of the dictionary and encyclopedia of our flight/fight/freeze reflex... which tends not to analyze, "think" or ponder much... that part of our brain is the most likely to reduce things to bad - good or black - white. This is the part of the brain that acts first, and asks questions later... so that we don't become some grizzly bear's lunch.

So, it's a built-in, darwinian, survival technique. It makes just as many mistakes as our higher functioning parts of our brains, though.

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