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planning my escape

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Izzy_*now*:
Much good Luck to you, Hops.

Now that you have expessed it on paper, for our viewing you are quite likely to make the move.

.....and we will all be waiting for news of your new job, and sending yout WTGS and GFYs and GYTHTSHJs

Love
Izzy

Meh:
Damn it! My response got erased by my computer and now I don't want to rewrite it all again. My computer is slowly not working, Arrgggh!

Just thinking about you Hops and work out a routine if that works for you for the job search, like in the evening search and find, on the weekends prepare and submit, and maybe do a quantity over quality approach just so you don't get into the perfection  thing. Unemployed people must apply for 3 a week minimum (EDIT: I mean those who get unemployment insurance are required to do 3). I don't know if you have a lap top or not but it might help to find a cafe or library where you can go, it always helps me to get away from the other "stuff". You can even play mind games with yourself and say in your own mind that you are just testing the waters with the applications. Whatever takes the pressure off or puts the pressure on? Send out as many applications you can stand to just for the heck of it and call it an exercise in exploration.

I got a horrible rash on my face at my stressful job that went away when the job went away. I have no idea if it was related or unrelated, maybe it was a cortisol reaction who knows but its long gone now even though I have other problems and stress. It's the worst when your livelihood damages your health! When you say you have aged 10 years worth in 5 that statement says so much and is disheartening to hear, it really is a bad work environment for you. There are an awful lot of jerks in the world, as if it's a religion with numerous new converts every day. Poooh. Sometimes it just feels like there are not enough 'good people' to counterbalance the 'jerks that drain'.

That's a tough one Hops, a steady paycheck is psychologically mollifying even when the job sucks! I know that purgatory feeling.
Fear motivates me, I wish that wasn't the case.

I think you will get a sense of accomplishment when you start to send out the job submittals, seriously just getting that step done feels good even if I don't get contacted I know I've done my part.
You will feel better after you do this, guaranteed
I have to stop thinking and contemplating and do the tasks I don't really want to do....that is how I get things done. Sort of.

I don't think job searching and applying is ever very enjoyable so maybe approaching in the same way that people do when they have to go to the dentist or something, very routine, just do it so you can get it over with. A feeling of relief that it's finally done.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you. If my comments are not helpful just ignore, sometimes I don't know if anything I have to say is helpful or not. I just wished that I had transitioned from one employer to another without the gaps in between because those gaps make it harder! So the job you have now is some kind of leverage.

Maybe just do the job applications out of spite for the boss-man, so you can get revenge on your boss by getting a job that is better for your *HEALTH*. And drink a healthy peach-mango smoothy while you do it.

Maybe don't try to pre-determine exactly how the transition is going to happen (wanting some reassurance from the universe).
Instead just grow a lot of arms and feelers and tentacles that are all reaching and expanding outward so that your sphere of personhood is expanding in all directions with a lot of antenna and whiskers that are tapping the ground even if your eyes are closed and you don't know what is there yet.

I have found that some jobs are posted incorrectly. The last job interview I went on they used a very old job description so most of the tasks listed were not part of the job. Or too generically. Then there was a job interview I went on where they were hiring for other jobs as well that they thought I would be a better match for. Maybe this isn't relevant to you either. All I know is that you find out as you do it. Thats why I say quantity over quality, meaning that you apply for everything within a certain catagory that you are aiming for instead of cherry picking the best looking ones based on the description. You definitely don't want to miss the cherries either so it's a good idea to look for them now since those kinds don't come along every day.

Maybe you will get really lucky and an interviewer will be your age and female and will be on your team.

sKePTiKal:
Hi Hops!

How do you feel about maybe relocating? That would expand your pool of possibilities... some employers will assist with moving and finding a place... and you could possibly rent your current house until it sells... I was just wondering if perhaps you might thrive (and be more appreciated) in another setting, someplace else.

Hopalong:
Lighter, TT, Ales, Izz, PR, Boat...

I appreciate your support so much, more than I know how to explain.
One demon is the isolation of my workdays (as much physical as emotional), and popping in here to hear a cheer is more valuable than you know. Truly, truly, thank you.

Ales...you have his number. And thank you for such perceptive indignation. Wow.

TT, like Mud, you are someone whose prayers and support I don't feel entitled to but still truly value and hope they connect me to something I don't know how to grasp. Thanks...and please, keep it up.

Izzy, thanks hon. And wot the heck is GYTHTSHJ? Knowing you, it'll make me laugh, which is half the battle. xxoo

Lighter, if you keep on dancing, maybe my unfocused-butt will get itself in gear! Thanks for spreading the happy.

PR, I would wither without my roots. But I've recognized recently that if temporary relocation, or work travel, or some combo of on-site elsewhere plus telecommuting will get me out of this job...I am open. Can't rent out the house (new brother negotiation, not going there) but I'd just rent a room somewhere else.

And dear Boat. You have directly addressed the biggest obstacle, which is resistance to actually doing the applications. I can't tell you how helpful it was for you to look at that -- and from so many clear angles. You really helped me. Thank you, thank you.

love and gratitude to all, and your comments are SO welcome.

xo
Hops

lighter:
Hops:

I'm saying prayers and sending strength for the job hunt ahead.

It'll be OK: )

Light

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