HUH! I was just thinking about this again - I've been shopping; looking for clothes to wear to the big, hip city of Baltimore for D's engagement party... and next year, her wedding... and probably a few other occasions, as well. Hubs and I are developing quite the social life these days. I've never really had one - for him, it's a return to a more youthful lifestyle. I want to look good, stylish, put together... but I also am deliberately trying to keep it understated 'coz I just can't allow myself to compete (even unconsciously) with my very tall, slender D who is the co-star of her own life-movie moment.
Bear: I think you're on to something and both directions are probably right simultaneously. A.) she has no real understanding of what her body looks like now - she's only seeing the memory-mirage of years ago reality... and B.) yes, she wants to flaunt it... it's an aggressive statement of "love me - love all of me"... and because of A, she absolutely doesn't understand how repellant that is to others and isn't embarrassed. In a way, this is an Ns way of refusing to participate in reality... they are just "that" special, you know.
NLS... my condolences re: your mom's lack of aging gracefully and then thinking you also are exactly the same. It's bad enough that she indulges herself (and doesn't see the harm) much less -- !! -- try to push that onto you also. RESIST... by not accepting her gifts and trying to find your own style; your own comfortzone. Here's an idea: go to a large store with clothes you're attracted to. Try to enlist a friend or salesperson (both?) to help you try on lots of different kinds of things... the idea is that you don't know what will flatter your body, so you're going to try on lots & lots of things until you look in the mirror and see something that "works". That's what stores and salespeople are for, really. I don't like to try on clothes... so I try to make it more fun, because something can look great on a mannekin or a hanger and I love it.... and it's just totally wrong on my body. Even a simple sheath dress - some I can wear really well; some... well, let's not go there!! And when something looks really absurd on me... I have a really good laugh. I've tried on some beautiful diaphonous, metallic little shrug type jackets... and I look like a fairy-oompa-loopah!! LOL...
tt: yep... I know that kind of persistent "style". And I think the difference here... is that your friends have found a way to keep that style... and still accommodate a changing physical reality, tastefully and modestly. Heck, even us older ladies can get away with showing a flirtatious bit of cleavage here... a little leg or back there... innocently, stylishly and tastefully. I've known for awhile that maintaining both the body and the clothes to put on it takes time and effort; even for the lucky ones who are tall and thin and can eat anything without gaining an ounce. Now that I'm a lot less "lucky", I find I finally have the time... and while I have my all-time fashion favorites... I think it's time for me to experiment; break out of tried and true...
and if I have to - make it myself. I never allowed myself to use a dress form... explore altering or fitting when sewing. I just saw one at a clearance outlet. The bridesmaids for DIL's wedding were my first fumbling attempt at fitting different body-styles. They looked just fine - in person and in the pictures. I was winging it. I have a whiz-bang modern miracle sewing machine (which is, I find, already obsolete but perfectly adequate for me). And I have a pattern that I want to try... now... on to fabrics! Full speed ahead...
it's the only solution to being able to see in my mind what I want... and not finding it in stores or online. And I absolutely can't buy clothes online... because I need to try on... feel the fabric... and even sizes vary so much from brand to brand that I'll wear a 10 in one brand... all the way to a 16 in something else. Maketh me crazy....
and well. Winter is on it's way... that's sewing season for me. Time to put up or shut up. If I stumble across something, I'll be back with a full fashion topic, of it's own.