N moms and their obsession with weight

[sKePTiKal]

I don't want to look old!

Oh Bear... it's true you know. She really doesn't want to look old. I'm going through this "wedding mom" dress search myself... and the yak-yak-yakking in my head is beyond hilariously insane, in a Joan Rivers sort of way.

Here's the deal. It's damn near impossible to find clothes that flatter older bodies - in the cut, the fit & style - that is "current" and doesn't make a woman feel as though she's "elderly" and decrepit and not worth dressing to look "good" anymore. I simply am not at that point - and at 83 with terminal cancer, neither was my MIL. Women over 50 really don't want to wear the Juniors styles... we're only responding to "fun" aspect of the clothes... and not feel like we're dressing like our own moms... or grandmas.

We don't want to dress sexy in a flaunting sort of way; that's kinda embarrassing at our age. But we're ain't dead sexually either! A little discreet temptation will at least get us to try it on. And the flour-sack, made by Omar the Tentmaker styles... that look like we have even more to hide physically than we do... well, lets just skip those completely. So every clothing choice becomes an unsatisfactory compromise. SIGH.

And I gotta tell ya, even when someone my age seems oblivious and does wear styles meant for someone 20 yrs. younger (or more)... I can't help feeling a little compassion mixed in with being embarrassed for her. It's just really tough to find clothes after 50.

[BonesMS]

I don't want to look old!

Oh Bear... it's true you know. She really doesn't want to look old. I'm going through this "wedding mom" dress search myself... and the yak-yak-yakking in my head is beyond hilariously insane, in a Joan Rivers sort of way.

Here's the deal. It's damn near impossible to find clothes that flatter older bodies - in the cut, the fit & style - that is "current" and doesn't make a woman feel as though she's "elderly" and decrepit and not worth dressing to look "good" anymore. I simply am not at that point - and at 83 with terminal cancer, neither was my MIL. Women over 50 really don't want to wear the Juniors styles... we're only responding to "fun" aspect of the clothes... and not feel like we're dressing like our own moms... or grandmas.

We don't want to dress sexy in a flaunting sort of way; that's kinda embarrassing at our age. But we're ain't dead sexually either! A little discreet temptation will at least get us to try it on. And the flour-sack, made by Omar the Tentmaker styles... that look like we have even more to hide physically than we do... well, lets just skip those completely. So every clothing choice becomes an unsatisfactory compromise. SIGH.

And I gotta tell ya, even when someone my age seems oblivious and does wear styles meant for someone 20 yrs. younger (or more)... I can't help feeling a little compassion mixed in with being embarrassed for her. It's just really tough to find clothes after 50.

I wish there were a fashion designer, somewhere, that would LISTEN to us WISER LADIES!!!!

Bones

[nolongeraslave]

Bear-

My mom is in her 50's (but tells everyone she's in her 40's) still shops in the junior section.  She will give me her clothes thinking that we are the same size.

It makes me mad why she lies about her age, because people have asked if my older brothers (in their 30's) are even her real sons. They think "How can a 44 year old woman have a 31 year old son?" Duh! Because she's lying about her age. 

[bearwithme]

Phoenix:  I hear ya.  I realize that the fashion world is harsh as it is "youth" driven, well, it's seems that way to me at least.  And I myself, have difficulty finding decent fitting clothes even while I'm in my 40's.  But that's just it, I have to have the clothes that fit right on my body in an effort to flatter my figure, what's left of it that is, but Nmom has no idea that the clothes she wears are too small, skimpy and many times, inappropriate for the occasion.  It's like she has no concept of her own body and what other people can see, i.e., through her see through blouse, mini skirt creeping up the back and little floaty dresses that look like lingerie.  As a woman, I agree, it's painful in those dressing rooms trying to find SOMETHING that looks good on us and makes us smile at ourselves.  It's hard. 

Perhaps I have it all wrong here, maybe Nmom WANTS people to notice her butt hanging out of the shorts and her breast through the itty-bitty tee shirts, instead of the notion that she has "no concept of her own body."  Perhaps she actually thinks she is the hot-ticket and can wear these things.......hmmmm.

On that note,  Nmom would do something weird when my brother and I were young.  Ready, here goes:  Nmon would walk around our house with her shorty-shorts unbuttoned and unzipped all the way down to the crotch area where her pubic hair could be seen.  Mind you, the shorts were super tight and probably could not be either zipped up buttoned up.  Her belly would hang out over the tightness of the unzipped shorts and she would come to the dinner table this way while my brother and I would just gasp in horror and be so embarrassed.  She did this ALL THE TIME.  I can remember when we would go to the beach and she would take the bottoms of her bikini and wedge the rear up the crack of her buttocks to make a G-string/thong sort of thing.  She would walk around the beach like this in front of friends, relatives, you name it. 

So she's still doing this!!  Is this weird or perhaps someone just really proud of her body and I am the one judging?

Bear-

My mom is in her 50's (but tells everyone she's in her 40's) still shops in the junior section.  She will give me her clothes thinking that we are the same size

So great.  LOL!  I can relate soooooo well.

Bear

[sKePTiKal]

HUH! I was just thinking about this again - I've been shopping; looking for clothes to wear to the big, hip city of Baltimore for D's engagement party... and next year, her wedding... and probably a few other occasions, as well. Hubs and I are developing quite the social life these days. I've never really had one - for him, it's a return to a more youthful lifestyle. I want to look good, stylish, put together... but I also am deliberately trying to keep it understated 'coz I just can't allow myself to compete (even unconsciously) with my very tall, slender D who is the co-star of her own life-movie moment.

Bear: I think you're on to something and both directions are probably right simultaneously. A.) she has no real understanding of what her body looks like now - she's only seeing the memory-mirage of years ago reality... and B.) yes, she wants to flaunt it... it's an aggressive statement of "love me - love all of me"... and because of A, she absolutely doesn't understand how repellant that is to others and isn't embarrassed. In a way, this is an Ns way of refusing to participate in reality... they are just "that" special, you know.

NLS... my condolences re: your mom's lack of aging gracefully and then thinking you also are exactly the same. It's bad enough that she indulges herself (and doesn't see the harm) much less -- !! -- try to push that onto you also. RESIST... by not accepting her gifts and trying to find your own style; your own comfortzone. Here's an idea: go to a large store with clothes you're attracted to. Try to enlist a friend or salesperson (both?) to help you try on lots of different kinds of things... the idea is that you don't know what will flatter your body, so you're going to try on lots & lots of things until you look in the mirror and see something that "works". That's what stores and salespeople are for, really. I don't like to try on clothes... so I try to make it more fun, because something can look great on a mannekin or a hanger and I love it.... and it's just totally wrong on my body. Even a simple sheath dress - some I can wear really well; some... well, let's not go there!! And when something looks really absurd on me... I have a really good laugh. I've tried on some beautiful diaphonous, metallic little shrug type jackets... and I look like a fairy-oompa-loopah!! LOL...

tt: yep... I know that kind of persistent "style". And I think the difference here... is that your friends have found a way to keep that style... and still accommodate a changing physical reality, tastefully and modestly. Heck, even us older ladies can get away with showing a flirtatious bit of cleavage here... a little leg or back there... innocently, stylishly and tastefully. I've known for awhile that maintaining both the body and the clothes to put on it takes time and effort; even for the lucky ones who are tall and thin and can eat anything without gaining an ounce. Now that I'm a lot less "lucky", I find I finally have the time... and while I have my all-time fashion favorites... I think it's time for me to experiment; break out of tried and true...

and if I have to - make it myself. I never allowed myself to use a dress form... explore altering or fitting when sewing. I just saw one at a clearance outlet. The bridesmaids for DIL's wedding were my first fumbling attempt at fitting different body-styles. They looked just fine - in person and in the pictures. I was winging it. I have a whiz-bang modern miracle sewing machine (which is, I find, already obsolete but perfectly adequate for me). And I have a pattern that I want to try... now... on to fabrics! Full speed ahead...

it's the only solution to being able to see in my mind what I want... and not finding it in stores or online. And I absolutely can't buy clothes online... because I need to try on... feel the fabric... and even sizes vary so much from brand to brand that I'll wear a 10 in one brand... all the way to a 16 in something else. Maketh me crazy....

and well. Winter is on it's way... that's sewing season for me. Time to put up or shut up. If I stumble across something, I'll be back with a full fashion topic, of it's own.