Hi Skits! Hubs & I are in the process of sorting all this out now. Hope to sign final papers before the end of the year; maybe in Nov. I have a birthday in Nov and it's one of those "marker" birthdays -- my g'ma was that age when she died. Now, I don't have the same kinds of health issues she did... so I'm just not freaked about it, consciously. Unconsciously - well, I don't have as much control over that, now do I? But, I'm not aware of anything haunting me there either.
Inheriting on-going businesses that provide a very cushy income, my bro & I have been advised since day 1 that we absolutely NEED to formalize plans in the event of one of our deaths. The obvious reason is that for the sake of the business and those working there, provisions need to be made to "keep on keeping on" or for an orderly succession, wind-down, or even a sale. I got this and understood the need; however since we moved - and with MIL's health requirements and subsequent death last year - it took us awhile to have the time and head-space to get on with this. Bro isn't dealing with it at all; it's on his "to-do list", as he puts it. I suspect it's more than being busy for him, than simply having the time/head-space to deal with it; but that's his problem.
I've tried to talk to all the kids involved. Explain to them the scope of what the eventual legacy will be; what they need to think about. I've asked them individually, their opinions on some of the choices we have to make. What would they prefer? Unanimously, they've come back with the same blank stare, silence, and a confused "I don't know; I don't really care; whatever you want to do". I keep trying to educate them, too. It was a second full-time job for me, to get up to speed, try to understand what I was I making decisions on (much less the pros/cons of the options), and fully understand how my life had changed. In some ways, I'm still making that transition 3 years later. I'll probably end up calling a family meeting with my financial "minions" so that they can explain things to them all. Whether they know it or not - the girls will still be better prepared than I was.
What I'm working my way around to, Skits... is that no matter how well we organize/manage/plan ahead... to the kiddos it's still all some "future" that doesn't even seem possible - nor relevant - to their present moments. They are all busy living their lives, working out their old issues, trying to figure out how life "works", raising kids, trying to at least "break even" financially... because they all understand the value of "having done it for themselves". I won't be here when this all becomes theirs - to be angry or caring or happy or anything - about how this impacts their lives and what decisions they make. So if I have any "wisdom" or cautions to impart... I'm going to handle that separately, in writing, explaining myself as best I can... outside of the legal/financial crap. That's more important to me -- and I think to them, too. You know, if they choose to disregard it -- well, there's not a whole lot I could do about then, huh????
It was interesting (and enlightening) for hubs and I to work through the Health power of attorneys; our instructions to our doctors and the poor kids we chose to make our health decisions for us, in the event we were the surviving spouse. We had fresh experience of this situation, with hubs' mom and her "living will" wasn't overly specific. Some phrases were open to interpretation; we discussed the meaning of certain phrases; we consulted with the doctors; we remembered what she would/wouldn't like... and it was horribly painful for everyone involved. I removed myself because I didn't have a vote in the final decision... and only pointed out a few things that I knew for sure; things she'd told me. And I was having difficulty with the level of pain myself... trying to support everyone else, too.
Here was a healthy family, full of love, respectful of boundaries, happy... and survivors of Dads' death back when hubs was 17 (his sibs are much younger). This was as "good" as the situation of death of a loved one could be... and having witnessed this and the level of pain in the sibs... hubs and I decided to try to eliminate the guessing game of when to "pull the plug". Because we didn't want our kids to have to decide this way, over days & days of second-guessing themselves. But even with this - we simply have to trust our relationship with the kids, their judgement, how easily they're influenced (or not)...
It's sort of the ultimate letting go, Skits.
