Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mothering Again, con't.
Guest:
Hops, I know you'll toss it if it doesn't work for you. On those post-its, how about including:
What would she do if I was killed by a truck yesterday?
What would she do if I was in hospital and unconscious?
What would she do if she couldn't get me on the phone?
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on October 05, 2011, 06:50:10 AM ---thank you so much, Bones.
xo
Hops
--- End quote ---
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hops)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
sKePTiKal:
EXACTLY FW...
Good questions, all.
More to say along those lines, just not time yet - and no time to type it, either.
Hopalong:
Thanks for the suggestion, PR -- I can see you rearranging knotty bits visually, like an artist and a programmer at once. Would that I could hand over all the bits and have a sure eye for the final pattern! Thank you for applying your mind to it, I truly appreciate the thinking.
FW, those are insightful questions, because they direct me back to her scraps of resourcefulness. I don't know, and perhaps I can't know, just how far over the edge -- or even how far on a downhill slide -- she will go either helplessly or willfully or some combination.
But it is true, if I were gone tomorrow, she would have to find her own way to survive.
I just hope that in cutting off -- or down to merely keeping her phone paid for -- the flow of "bailout", I haven't timed it wrong. That's my terror. I know...ultimately the untangling and backing off...is a healthy process.
But she's sicker than I thought and the economy (and her own) really is terrifying. Bottom dropping out.
It's like being in a vice. Worse, by far, for her.
thank you again,
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Hops
There is a pattern in this. I'm getting pinged at a couple different places in my experience - my story-experience and the changes to my mom-relationship with my girls.
I see her request for books as a really, really good sign. I felt some urgency in the request, too. It's not a distraction, for your D... I don't think, at root. I really do think she's like many of us here... looking for that explanation that makes it OK to be her... and to marshall the rest of her skills, talents, energy to deal with boring stuff like rent, food, gas, electric. I think she's reaching for enough of an "AHA!" moment... to help her feel "free" enough from whatever soul-issue she's grappling with to care about the other practical things.
I have written; deleted; edited... for 3 days to you. Every mom and daughter have to find their own way through this experience you're going through. Right now, I'm calling it:
Mutually Assured Dependence
What this consists of, changes over time... just as the relationship, quite naturally, changes over time. It's one of the scariest things we go through, as moms. There are some worse, I can think of. But this is never an easy, straight process. The outcomes are never "perfect" to a universal standard... but you can get to what "works" best for both of you.
I hope that's not too cryptic. It's defying my ability to spew words at it and find some that "stick".
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