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Mothering Again, con't.

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Hopalong:
Lighter-- thanks to you, too.
Those simple words, you got it. Thank you.

Tupp, I can't imagine anything better than
you sending her love and light. Thank you.

Sea, I am so so glad you are in her life again
and able to love your grandchild...one day
maybe (I doubt my D will have kids) my
D will allow me back in, a little. A little
would be plenty--I have no more dreams
of anything cozy or regular.

Thank you ALL for the comfort. It's real,
and it sank in...and I just bought flowers
to plant!

I'll put this thread back to rest until I need
it again.

love
Hops

Hopalong:
This is very weird, ADD-ish, as well as embarrassing.
I looked back through old email, and it turns out that my D stopped communication with me in February of 2012,
not June of 2011. How senile can I get....(don't want to know).

I don't quite understand why I fixated on June.
My bday is late April, then there's Mother's Day...
just doesn't make sense.

I have always been just terrible with dates (my brain just sees them as more math)
but this is a strange thing. Doesn't mean anything one way or another with regard
to the estrangement, but the whole depression I was positive was an "anniversary
reaction" must instead have been my atypical SAD (there's a variant that hits people
in spring, for me though usually around the start of June)...

What an idiot.

xo
Hops

lighter:
Oh dear, Hops.

Not senile, just.......

like you said......

more like math for the creative types, IMO.

I'm guessing something, important or traumatic, happened in June of 2011, connections in the brain are funny.

I know nothing about the SAD variant, but I'm curious how you're doing.

What's helping, what you're learning about it.

Lighter

Gaining Strength:
I agree with Lighter Hops. The brain is powerful that way. You might find it will come to you if you sit quietly holding June 2011 in your mind. But then you might just let it go.

Hopalong:
thanks, Lighter. And GS, I figured I don't really care about the ghost anniversary of whatever...
more I remind myself, more I read...the subvariant of SAD that kicks in late spring/early summer--
I think it was just that. Arriving.

Still has its teeth in me some right now, but as with so many things, naming it (again)--reminding
myself this is a short-term seasonal struggle and if the pattern holds, by mid-summer I'll be
feeling much better...keeps the "xiety" part of the "depziety" at bay.

AND I NEED TO REMEMBER TO LITERALLY ADD IT TO MY ANNUAL CALENDAR SO I
CAN MAN (WOMAN) THE BATTLEMENTS IN ADVANCE NEXT YEAR.

Lighter, it's the same treatment as for the usual winter SAD, oddly. More light. Earlier in the
day, and more exercise likewise. (I quit the walks for a week after a mild falling-out with
my walkmate. Then began BINGEING on carbohydrates, absurdly. Bleaaahhh. Both classic
symptoms.) Took to my bed to binge-watch TV, during some incredibly gorgeous weather.

Fish oil also. I've upped that. And if all those are tried and fail, then SSRIs. But I've been
off those for years now and prefer to manage it otherwise. I've stepped up a bit of social
connecting too. That's key...since isolation feeds it.

Knowing it's a "normal" way to go through this thing, though, is calming. So instead of
hating myself, I'm trying to do self-compassion and be patient. My dog still loves me.

Anyway, I'm getting a grip again, one finger at a time. Thanks for the interest.

love
Hops

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