Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
I just found out....
lighter:
Izz:
It would have been nice if a therapist had listened to you.
Just once.
All those years ago.
Things didn't have to be so hard, did they?
Lighter
(No nightie, hee: )
Izzy_*now*:
Thanks lighter
It's just 4:46 AM and I have been writing emails, because one friend in Alberta swore she would telephone me, and I don't do well on the phone, all doped up with pills and sleeping, yet that has just changed, but no proof, and maybe email will do it for everyone.
It seems to me, yes, that a loner, not wanting her family, would be a good sign to head for the schizoid file, but I never seemed to be able to make anyone understand.
I've always wanted answers and am the happiest now with the answers I have found-----if I can believe these so-called experts! but that Wiki page was me all the way with a few variations on the theme from Paginini in the 9th---oops I used to play that! Ha! sleepy....or something close to that!
I can live with this all now...no matter the answers, I have suitable ones.
At least daughter is well grown, has a partner and the 3 litte kids, while my grandkids seem to have 'vanished'. We'll all do fine without each other.
You are right. My life didn't have to be this hard, but I guess I am one tough broad and that has held me in good stead with many people and never allowed me to falter.
I was just writing this to my sister......:
A picture I see often, in my mind, when I think of young years and betrayal, is a Christmas morning, when I was likely 3¾ and I can see my knees pumping up and down to get down the stairs as we headed for the Christmas tree at the bottom, by the front door. I had so wanted a doll. My next oldest sister was not interested in dolls, but she arrived at the tree first and I saw her take a doll from a pile of things and move it to a pile in front of her.
Our gifts were not wrapped, just piled into individual groups and a scrap of paper, with a name scribbled on it, was placed upon the top. Whatever was under the scrap named “Izzy” was for me from Santa. That was the pile from where the doll was removed then placed by my sister onto her pile.
I looked up at my mother and said, something like, “..but Mom: I was the only one who asked for a doll.”
Mom had the most screwed up face of “what do I do now?” and changed the subject to a nice new coat for Dad that was on a hanger, and had a package in its pocket. The coat was for Dad and the package was a grouping of dusty blue “heavy” plastic animals, elephant, giraffe, lion, tiger etc. (if I remember correctly) and were for Mom. I really remember them and liked them and in my teens was still dusting them.
--and I never was given a brand new doll until I was 12 and in Grade 9 in high school.
Whatever that meant, it was too late!
The stories I can remember mainly ALL lead to that anyone ought to be able to understand about this little kid not wanting to belong to this family.
Merry Christmas, lighter ♂☺♥♦♣♠•◘○◙♂♀♪♫☼►◄↕‼¶§▬↨↑↓
Oops fell asleep!
:lol:
Love
Izzy
Nonameanymore:
Hi Izzy,
A while ago I took an online test that gives you a percentage of pd tendencies and I always scored a bit higher on the schizoid level.
Let me tell you something though. I recently listened to a series of lectures. In one of the lectures the lecturer was talking about this need we have (and very valid) to know why things are the way we are, why do certain things happen etc. It has been a series of eye-opening experiences for me, especially with NM -- she is like this because she suffers from NPD, I am not unlovable because she couldn't love me etc. And the lecturer kept on, saying that there are very many valid reasons why things are the way they are but that's not the important part: it's what we do with the situation at hand. It really had me thinking because for a good many years now I have tried to find answers to so many questions and I now realise that it's best really to spend time working out what can be done about all the different situations in my life. I thought I'd share with you, again without discounting your precious discoveries. Hope this will spark something for you too.
Much love
Rania
(I took the test again and again I got average scores at schizoid and schizotypal but here what the author says:
Author Note:I don't think Schizoid personality is a valid disorder (read), some of the smartest people in history were schizoid because they occupied a remote end of the intelligence bell curve. Schizotypal personality can encompass highly original thinkers as well as totally insane people so I think it's a flawed type. I think the remaining eight disorders are generally valid.)
lighter:
::handing Izzy a beautiful brown haired doll::
Merry Christmas, Izz.
Lighter
Izzy_*now*:
hi Hountini
Thank you for stopping by and talking to an insane person. I appreciate it, and even for taking another test just for me. I knew there was a Disorder just for extra special, great thinking people, and hoped it was this one, when I made my discovery the other day. :D :lol: :shock:
I just took another one, today, and it was True of False. I came out of that as an intermediate schizoid. There is no doubt in my mind that that is where my special slot in life has been all along, in my quest to find out why I've always been one step off the beat all my life....50 years of searching. I finally feel "fulfilled" ha! ....need a word...vindicated?...but it's like sliding that last piece of a jigsaw puzzle into place before the whole picture can be seen.
♫ I can see clearly now....♫
This explains my failed relationships and only those two poor men, who turned into drunks, know what it was like to live with me ..;0) and two were Ns which really screwed up the works for who was worse, my last relationship and my ex son-in-law. (I was just out of my league, following the crowd, looking for a husband found one, someone else's though, ©¿©] for everlasting happiness. Now I know I didn't see him for 7 years before his completed suicide, so that might have been just his choice, without my involvement. This revelation is making me happy that I'm 72 and in a wheelchair (AHA! God! I see now!) and no one else's life will be in danger, as no one will be chasing after me.
--- Quote ---your precious discoveries
--- End quote ---
:? :lol: Did you mean preCious preVious----as they both fit!!
Yes, I seriously always wanted answers and just the answer itself might not make me happy, but the fact I had the answer always did! :?:
Thanks again
Izzy
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