Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
the aftermath of no contact
Hopalong:
You don't sound "Fraidy" any more to me...
Kudos on your calm and your claiming your own life!
Hops
SilverLining:
Hi FP. Everything in your post is spot on. I especially like this line:
--- Quote from: finding peace on October 23, 2011, 04:30:03 AM ---
But, they don’t have the capacity to hear our needs … they are overwhelmed by what they need and can’t hear anything else.
--- End quote ---
The N's I deal with can sometimes appear to not be overwhelmed by their own needs, for a moment or two. But it never lasts for long. And if they seem to be attending to someone else's needs, there is always an expected payoff. One minute of superficial attention given to someone else is paid off with an expected hour of attention to them. Because we are so used to this kind of arrangement, it's easy to get sucked in by the minute of attention, and then drained dry by the hour we have to give them back.
fraidycat:
Silver that was my experience too. If they sacrifice a drop of attention or effort it needs to be replaced by a quart, you can't win. That quote and so many others spoke to me in this thread.
"Conflict is another way of getting caught up in the situation"...SL
"Indifference is the goal"...SL
"Ghost urges from the past gradually lose there power"...SL
"They can't hear you...narcissistic whack-jobs live in their own little sick and twisted world"...Bones (lol! I know!)
"I get the urge to tell off those who refuse to take the time out and gain understanding from both sides, they are not capable"...teartracks
"Purge those angry feelings they are toxic and could take you down"...PhoenixRising
And everything in findingpeace's post...
Just to name a few & it's not word for word but this has helped me so much.
Fraidy
finding peace:
Yes SL and Kitty,
Thank you.
IME, it doesn’t end with a quart; in some cases if you don’t walk away, you get drained dry. I was very close to that point when I went NC.
I have always been a fighter; I have never, ever in my life backed down from a fight.
I did so with them, it was very hard.
I don’t like to quit, and that is what it felt like.
But in quitting I have learned that I inadvertently won.
I may not have the championship belt that everyone else sees, but I have peace.
Trying to fight with people like this is impossible.
I have won by quitting (taking myself out of their stratosphere). Hard for me to swallow, but it is what it is.
Love to you both,
Peace
sKePTiKal:
FP:
the martial arts masters all make sure their students learn the most important technique (I'll paraphrase):
know when to run like hell because you can't win or don't even get in that situation
LOL...
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