Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Setting boundaries
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Redhead Erin on November 23, 2011, 09:59:21 AM ---Haha, PR--Yeah, exactly like the dentist! :lol:
We have not heard from her in like 2 weeks. My SIL invited her for Thanksgiving, so I had Ted call her--no answer. Sometimes she will not answer when I cal, but it has been a long time not to hear form her . . . Ted will try to call her again today, and if he doesn't get an answer, we are going to call the police fore a well-being check. Because I am NOT going to be manipulated into driving all the way to her house just to knock on her door.
However, I am worried about her dog.
--- End quote ---
I don't blame you. I think it's better to do a well-being check on the dog!
Bones
sKePTiKal:
Erin - What happened? My curiosity is driving me crazy! You OK?
Redhead Erin:
So he got in touch with her--she chose to spend thanksgiving with her favorite child. No skin off mine. I got drunk with two of my cousins by marriage and we got Ted to take us to wal-mart for drunken christmas shopping! Too much fun!
Next day she called up wanting to know why we had not come over to her house for dessert (because we were having fun) and complaining that Ted had promised her we would go over there. (He didn't.) So then she wanted me to drop everything and go out for dinner or whatever with her. Sorry, ma, gotta work. Whatever.
She said the strangest thing to me--that she has already been invited to bro's inlaws house, and she didnt feel it was right to cancel at the lat minute because she had a better offer. This made me laugh because of all the dozens of times I have had some activity all planned out or rearranged me life to tak eher to an appointment, then at the last minute she tells me she is going to ohio or going out got dinner with friends or got one of her friends to driver her .....
She does this every year on Thanksgiving, my birthday, and mothers day. She spends the holiday with bro-whatever and then immediately calls me up and wants to spend time with me AT HER CONVENIENCE to make up the the actual holiday she didnt spend with me. She ahs gone to Ohio (bro's house) at least the last two years on my birthday. Then she came back and demanded I allow her to take me out for my birthday dinner. Forget it, Ma. My birthday was last week already. The moment has passed, you know?
One incredibly weird thing is how little I apparently mean to her, in spite of the fact that she makes so much of it. OTOH, my son means the world to me and I would never ever disregard his birthday or an important holiday because I had a better offer. Actually, there would be no better offer. I'm not sure which is odder--the way she behaves or the wal after 42 years, I still am amazed/horrified/baffled/hurt by it.
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Redhead Erin on November 27, 2011, 05:59:58 AM ---So he got in touch with her--she chose to spend thanksgiving with her favorite child. No skin off mine. I got drunk with two of my cousins by marriage and we got Ted to take us to wal-mart for drunken christmas shopping! Too much fun!
Next day she called up wanting to know why we had not come over to her house for dessert (because we were having fun) and complaining that Ted had promised her we would go over there. (He didn't.) So then she wanted me to drop everything and go out for dinner or whatever with her. Sorry, ma, gotta work. Whatever.
She said the strangest thing to me--that she has already been invited to bro's inlaws house, and she didnt feel it was right to cancel at the lat minute because she had a better offer. This made me laugh because of all the dozens of times I have had some activity all planned out or rearranged me life to tak eher to an appointment, then at the last minute she tells me she is going to ohio or going out got dinner with friends or got one of her friends to driver her .....
She does this every year on Thanksgiving, my birthday, and mothers day. She spends the holiday with bro-whatever and then immediately calls me up and wants to spend time with me AT HER CONVENIENCE to make up the the actual holiday she didnt spend with me. She ahs gone to Ohio (bro's house) at least the last two years on my birthday. Then she came back and demanded I allow her to take me out for my birthday dinner. Forget it, Ma. My birthday was last week already. The moment has passed, you know?
One incredibly weird thing is how little I apparently mean to her, in spite of the fact that she makes so much of it. OTOH, my son means the world to me and I would never ever disregard his birthday or an important holiday because I had a better offer. Actually, there would be no better offer. I'm not sure which is odder--the way she behaves or the wal after 42 years, I still am amazed/horrified/baffled/hurt by it.
--- End quote ---
I would have been sorely tempted to quote her favorite line back at her: "I got a BETTER offer"!
Bones
sKePTiKal:
Erin - at least she remembers it's your birthday eventually. Last year, my mom called me on the day... rattled on for an hour about herself, trashing my bro & SIL, same old broken record and NEVER even mentioned my birthday. This year, no call at all.
OH WELL. When I consider the source, it's not so breathtakingly painful. It's not like she's aware of what she's doing or that the thought of how I might feel about it ever had a chance to cross that mind. When I decided that I damn well did matter to me... I started to care less about mattering to her... & that started to reduce the chronic (and acute) pain.
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