Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Slander... is defending your honor necessary?

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sfalken:
I just wanted to say, that I've been through this, with my Nmother and Borderline Father. They've slandered me high and low - to every person they come into contact with, and its had a very real cost. I've lost virtually all of the family and friendships I had growing up... except for a couple.

But, though it has been hard, I've learned over time, that if people are so easily swayed - and so easily convinced of the way my parents characterize me, without talking to me or giving me the benefit of the doubt first based on the years they've known me - then so be it. Let them fall away. It hurts, but its better to let it happen now when you understand the variables, then to be surprised later.

I would also say that those couple of friendships I mentioned above - I value them high above all others, because they went through the fire of my N parents - and came out solid and pure. Better one relationship or friendship like that, than hundreds of false ones. ;-)

I know it's hard though. Just meant as encouragement.

SF

fraidycat:
Thanks SF,
Your experiences and mine mirror each other. Sometimes the injustice of loosing people through the unfairness of others makes me want to reclaim what I once had. Life's not always fair and I have learned to move on for the most part. It's always harder for me during the holidays, I reflect on making things right and wonder what it would have been like to have a loving family. I am doing exactly what you described "letting them fall away" If they cant give me the benefit of the doubt or at least look at things from both sides. they don't deserve me...still hurts though. Thanks for your understanding and encouragement, I know I'm not alone.

Fraidy

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