Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

All those conversations in my head

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Redhead Erin:
This is turning out to be a super diverse thread. :D  I've found 2 other deaning sites, now that you have reminded me to use my search function:
http://www.home-ec101.com/
http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/100/index.jsp

I used to love that cleaning show on BBC, but who has time?  After a while I started feeling guilty about watching the show instead of cleaning my house!

I want to get that mopping robot from wal-mart for $200.  It will be too cool NOT to use it!

I get in these phases where all I can think about is having NM in a chair or something and screaming at her, where were you?  Why did you let these things happen to me??Why could I never defend myself?? I wouldn't expect any kind of rational answers from her, the whole point seems to be just being able to say these things. I think If I can say them here, get them out of my head and into actual words and sentences, it will help stop the endless loops in my head and free me up for other things.
 

Hopalong:

--- Quote ---I think If I can say them here, get them out of my head and into actual words and sentences, it will help stop the endless loops in my head and free me up for other things.
--- End quote ---


Bravo.

What a healthy thing to do.

Hops

BonesMS:

--- Quote from: PhoenixRising on November 12, 2011, 08:45:49 AM ---Hops, I've long thought that I should clean beach houses... you have to be fast, thorough and "have a plan of attack" for each one. And you get to do each house, every weekend or two! LOL... but some of the stuff I've seen, even as a tourist myself, makes me cringe and lose my faith in humanity. :: shaking head in puzzlement - what's WRONG with those people??? ::   My body couldn't take climbing all the flights of stairs - with equipment in tow - now, tho.

Bones, I get the PTSD part! Horrid, ain't it? I still have my moments, too. But after while, don't you think you experience more relief about surviving and getting free of all that... even if we can't say "unscathed"... than there is constant rumination of the old list of parental offenses? And being constantly immersed in the stuff that can't be changed now? If there was a balance scale... which do you experience more of - a free-er now or an immersed in the past consciousness throughout your day?

Note to Erin: there are phases in healing when it seems one does stay immersed in all those old memories 24/7 - and it's one way that our less conscious SELF processes out the he said/she said and all the emotions, too. There is a big chunk of peace on the other side of those phases that accumulates and grows. No one likes being in it - and it can go on too long. I had to be told it was OK for me to take breaks - time-outs - from it; I didn't "know" that people could do that, either!!!

--- End quote ---

PTSD is quite complicated.  It's even more frustrating when I encounter 3-D Idiots who comment:  "That's in the past!  Get over it!"  Been experiencing more PTSD flashbacks while hearing what is going on at Penn State.  I'm reading about how the mothers of the victims are fighting for justice like Momma Tigresses protecting their cubs and the flashback I experience is how the NQueen !@#$ deliberately pimped me out to her pedophile boyfriend for her own sexual gratification!  (She BRAGGED about it, years later, and attempted to justify it by stating:  "All children are naturally whores so they deserve to be raped!"  SICK BITCH!!!  And she wondered WHY I cussed her out!   :twisted:

Bones

sKePTiKal:
Bones, hon... if it triggers you and you don't like being triggered... tune it out, don't pay attention to it, make a boundary. It's not 100% foolproof, but it really, really helps.

Hopalong:
I have heard that many, many childhood sexual abuse victims have been severely triggered and upset by what happened in State College...you're not alone, Bones.

This might be a good time to step up some visits to a survivors' support group.
You deserve to not have to process those feelings alone.

(What your mother did is unspeakable.)

love to you,
Hops

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