Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
The "Mama Never Told Me" Thread
Meh:
--- Quote from: BonesMS on November 22, 2011, 07:41:21 AM ---This may sound dumb but it created a LOT of problems when I was old enough to start noticing stuff......sex education.
.....Hell of a way to get educated!
Bones
--- End quote ---
Well sex education in school mostly scared the piss out of me. I wish that in addition to the scare-them-straight style sex ed that was in school...my family would have said anything pleasant at all about having significant others and relationships or something.
I do the same thing with ironing-- (don't do it) I pick out clothes that don't need to be ironed.
I don't know why BUT I LOVE THIS THREAD AND JUST ABOUT EVERY thing you guys have written is making me smile.
The way you all are describing the shape of your eyelids to each other. It's like a bunch of girlfriends. :)
What about cooking with salad dressing??? I don't get it. I see some people put salad dressing on steak or put it on shrimp but it always freaked me out. How do you know what kind of salad dressing to cook with what meat combo?????
Wait never mind the salad dressing. I have always been really shy and not very good at flirting.
So um...what is your flirting advice? When I was younger guys seem to think I am a tease or hard to get, because mostly I would avoid. Now I am older and still am not confident at all. Often I just get mainly petrified when flirted with. I usually put a blank expression on my face and wait for them to go away regardless of if I think they are attractive or not...because I feel like it takes me about ten hours to figure out what is going on. I just don't seem to get it until after the fact that there is a flirtation. After the first 10 hours of realizing I have been flirted with it takes me another 10-24 hours to decide what I even think about it. Flirting is often overwhelming to me. Unless it is like a neighbor that I see all the time that I'm not attracted to, then I can banter something back to them. I don't know. Flirting sometimes is like this public spectacle and I feel like I'm in a circus act so I don't take it seriously it is like a passing anomaly of life.
sKePTiKal:
Bones & Boat...
THANKS for your comments on this. It's not just me, then, that's all tangled up in what I think, how I feel... etc crap. I've wanted to open up some on this topic for awhile... but still hesitating... feeling like a two-headed circus side-show freak about this topic. Yeah, me... Ms. Know-it-All...
Mama never told us that sex and flirting and being close to someone, was supposed to FEEL GOOD and be FUN. Add to that the risk and danger of trusting someone new, and even someone you know well (I'm thinking my hubs of 11 years now) and fold in some whipped-up to merangue freak-out thought-feeling patterns of enmeshed mamas... boundary confusioned parents of either gender who were possessive, controlling, tried to make us think we were "just like them"... or bad for being ourselves.... and god forbid, we dared to have our own feelings; and be accepted by someone OTHER than the queen-goddess-bitch herself (who, I'm 100% sure has a genuine HATE for men)...
... and seriously, it's no wonder I'm a ball of clustered - tangled - knotted, anxious about the whole thing, crazy lady. My hubs doesn't understand; and I can't find a way to talk to him about it - and that sucks, because we can talk about everything and anything. I haven't "scared him off"... or even pissed him off... he's stuck to me like glue... and that's deeply unsettling because of how my mom treated me. Rationally I understand: he's not her... despite a few things that he is that remind me of her. It just pushes some button that I haven't located & disabled yet, when it comes to him.
Maybe... just maybe... the underlying "issue" goes beyond the sex-topic. Maybe it's "play" itself... feeling good... deserving of and allowing oneself to have fun... feel good without the fear of something "bad" happening as a consequence of it. I think boundaries are big part of the fear... why we pull back, withdraw, "stop", or shutdown & avoid. Trust, too. I think the abject "failure" of the mother-child relationship stands like some monument warning us, warning our unconscious anxiety & terror about that ONE relationship that failed... that "it could happen again".
NOTE that this is what I see in myself; don't know 'bout y'all... but I have been trying to untangle this cluster for awhile now. Too long, really.
sKePTiKal:
Boat! It is cleaning kung-fu! One centers, drops the chi, and utilizes all the senses (quieting the mind) and then - just do.
Yes, sweep then mop. And... I will even vacumn/sweep again after mopping, which will sometimes loosen bits of gunk from the floor. But that's way anal... and pointless - because it a.) never gets "perfect" and b.) gets dirty within 5 minutes again anyway. I have had to teach myself to use different levels/definitions of "clean", otherwise I'd never do anything else: there's the "I'm in a hurry, take care of the top-layer only, and declutter" clean. Like when someone calls and plans to drop in unexpectedly in 15 minutes, and I haven't gotten out of my pajamas yet.
Salad dressing is used like a marinade; some labels even mention that. The idea is that citrusy, or acidic juices help tenderize the meat. Some combinations are pretty common: lemon pepper or lemon & herb for chicken... soy, sesame, ginger - chicken or pork... apple cider and pork... the easy tip I just saw: use a gal baggie and add meat & marinade, put a plate under & refrigerate - some things are OK overnight; some just take an hour or so. Fish I think is shorter time frame. You shouldn't reuse the marinade; toss instead - because of the cross-contamination risk of raw meat. Oh yeah - I think I just saw a recipe for a bruschetta that uses salad dressing, too... or something else...
BonesMS:
Thanks, Boat.
I never could figure out the flirting stuff. Most likely because of my Aspergers. I tend to ask off-the-wall questions when I find myself dealing with unfamiliar territory so I just gave up on that department. Now if you ask me about my favorite topics i.e. Star Trek or genealogy, I'll keep talking until people's eyes glaze over long before I realize I've done another faux pas. (If you've ever watched "BONES" or "The Big Bang Theory", you'll see some of my many quirks there.)
As for salad dressing in cooking, I tend to experiment with different flavor combinations, out of curiosity, just to see what would happen. Sometimes it tastes good and sometimes it's YUCK! Oh well.....
Bones
========================================================================================================
--- Quote from: Boat that Rocks on November 24, 2011, 03:43:33 AM ---
--- Quote from: BonesMS on November 22, 2011, 07:41:21 AM ---This may sound dumb but it created a LOT of problems when I was old enough to start noticing stuff......sex education.
.....Hell of a way to get educated!
Bones
--- End quote ---
Well sex education in school mostly scared the piss out of me. I wish that in addition to the scare-them-straight style sex ed that was in school...my family would have said anything pleasant at all about having significant others and relationships or something.
I do the same thing with ironing-- (don't do it) I pick out clothes that don't need to be ironed.
I don't know why BUT I LOVE THIS THREAD AND JUST ABOUT EVERY thing you guys have written is making me smile.
The way you all are describing the shape of your eyelids to each other. It's like a bunch of girlfriends. :)
What about cooking with salad dressing??? I don't get it. I see some people put salad dressing on steak or put it on shrimp but it always freaked me out. How do you know what kind of salad dressing to cook with what meat combo?????
Wait never mind the salad dressing. I have always been really shy and not very good at flirting.
So um...what is your flirting advice? When I was younger guys seem to think I am a tease or hard to get, because mostly I would avoid. Now I am older and still am not confident at all. Often I just get mainly petrified when flirted with. I usually put a blank expression on my face and wait for them to go away regardless of if I think they are attractive or not...because I feel like it takes me about ten hours to figure out what is going on. I just don't seem to get it until after the fact that there is a flirtation. After the first 10 hours of realizing I have been flirted with it takes me another 10-24 hours to decide what I even think about it. Flirting is often overwhelming to me. Unless it is like a neighbor that I see all the time that I'm not attracted to, then I can banter something back to them. I don't know. Flirting sometimes is like this public spectacle and I feel like I'm in a circus act so I don't take it seriously it is like a passing anomaly of life.
--- End quote ---
Meh:
--- Quote from: PhoenixRising on November 24, 2011, 09:38:41 AM ---Bones & Boat...
THANKS for your comments on this. It's not just me, then, that's all tangled up in what I think, how I feel... etc crap. I've wanted to open up some on this topic for awhile... but still hesitating... feeling like a two-headed circus side-show freak about this topic. Yeah, me... Ms. Know-it-All...
Mama never told us that sex and flirting and being close to someone, was supposed to FEEL GOOD and be FUN.
... and seriously, it's no wonder I'm a ball of clustered - tangled - knotted, anxious about the whole thing, crazy lady. My hubs what I see in myself; don't know 'bout y'all... but I have been trying to untangle this cluster for awhile now. Too long, really.
--- End quote ---
Hey Phoenix,
.....SAVE..(bouncing screen thing)
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