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New thread for flirting, opposite sex relationship stuff

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Hopalong:
Oh how difficult. PR...wow.

Your description reminds me of a very insecurely attached small dog who comes to work with my coworker, who is alternately doting and controlling (way too much) of him. The result of her overwhelming domination is that he is literally incapable of relaxing if she's out of his sight, even momentarily. It's distressing to see. He doesn't know how to be a dog on his own, interacting with the world. (She also can be cruel.)

I think a lot about dog language. There's a kind of fear that goes along with clinging.
From the outside, though I'm sure it's both, it looks mostly like a fear-attachment, not an affection-attachment. In people, may additionally have a lot to do with intraversion and extraversion...old news.

Somebody's too powerful. That's probably you. (Which is not a blame thing.)

I have been the incredibly anxious clinger, and also the clingee.

Both are misery.

Glad you're spelling it out, taking another look.

xo
Hops

sKePTiKal:
Yah... Hops & tt... last night he apologizes (yet again) for irritating me and then says I'm all he's got. Talk about feeling only yay-high... and yet this is where our "us" resides - I felt the echo of the same kind of gaping loss in him, that I had. I knew that he knew and I didn't have to explain.

You've both got valid points and x-ray vision insights. I think I'm coming down with a more serious form of head-cold than I've been fighting for a week... and am not even making much sense to myself this morning. Maybe when the front moves offshore a bit more, my head will clear. It's quite possible that not feeling well... I'm looking for a problem where none exists...

We'd both like to be taken care of by a good mommy. We just have to figure out how to do that for each other.

sKePTiKal:
yeah, well I'll be right behind ya in line -- or butting in front of you: OH LOOK! A naked Santa!!   hee-hee!

no, I'm not feeling much better and yes, I had my chicken soup. At least my nose is giving me 10 mins between sniffles now.

Meh:
I'm sick also, I have the stomach flu...urppp. Total yuck.

Managed to try on a velvet Christmas dress that fits but I don't have shoes, purse etc. that go along with it.

After chit-chatting a little on this topic here.. (flirting)...well I decided I would go ahead and flirt more.

I think the outcome is maybe people think I am generally friendlier? Also I now have a guy who is six years younger than me texting me and calling me....that was probably not a great idea. He seems rather nice and my goodbye attempt just wasn't strong enough I guess...most likely it will peter out eventually. He is some sort of salesman...they can be persuasive...I admit it, I might as well be an attention whore now. I like the attention, that can't be bad really...that must just be human. Its okay to want attention. What was just fun has become a bit of a burden/distraction though?

I just spent two hours talking to him on the phone.

Maybe I need to cut him off. Is that really something I need to do?.....hummm...I don't really know right now.

sKePTiKal:
Hi Boat - if my typing falls apart, it's because I have a new 'puter and I haven't kept up with new techie stuff, since quitting my job a couple years ago. I'm either hitting wrong keys or typing online settings needs some tweaks.

I'm sorry you're not feeling well! Hope you can keep some good food down soon. I think I've kicked my cold; it was weird - I was totally down for the count for 24 hrs, slept like a log (thank you cold medicine)... and was just fine the next day. Something fishy about that!

Look - your new guy... it helps a lot if you can think of him as a friend, for now. Just enjoy the attention and connection-feeling as much as you can. You might set some boundaries with him, to see how he reacts... I can't talk to you from ________ to __________ or on Tuesdays. Ask him if there are times you should avoid reaching out to him, too. Explanation: you both have personal things to do in your own life and while you're enjoying each other's company there are reasonable limits and other important things. Tell him you don't want to be clingy or something like that... but keep flirting... lots of couples have plenty of autonomy and space within the relationship... and that means there's a high level of trust that developed over time. Everybody and every relationship is a bit different. It will be interesting to watch his response to boundaries... and your own, too. 

24/7 togetherness is fantastic - for awhile. Especially when you're still getting to know each other. But it can also make me want to run away - very quickly and very far - because of my fear of being smothered by another person. The "friend" category doesn't have any set definitions; a high level of intimacy is still possible... but it does have the advantage of lowering that fear factor, wiping out expectations & some of the negative associations we have with words & events like "date", "going out", "boyfriend", "relationship"... that absolutely get in the way of simply enjoying being together, and feeling connected to and appreciated by... another person. One feeling I have tells me when I have a good friend... or when the relationship might be getting to be more than that, in an OK way... and that's when I feel protected - that he's on my side - and will watch my back.

And if he brings you chicken soup and hangs around to cheer you up... he might be a keeper!  Feel better soon.

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