I haven't talked to him since late summer since he was spiraling down, alcoholically, and I cannot bear to enable or watch it. Emotionally it was too hard and I am not equipped (especially having watching my first husband die of liver failure). It was a very tough exercise in boundary setting...he was angry, but also soooo sick.
Now he is in the hospital, thank God. I wrote his sister about his fainting, other symptoms, and she finally came out of her own denial and got him into detox. Even though I can't be in contact with him now, I am proud that I fought until people listened and now he's getting help.
I spent an hour with her Monday helping clean his place. It was heartbreaking. Roaches swarming everywhere, out of everything we touched, trash, filth. Truly a scene from "Hoarders". A photo she showed me from the first day she and her husband entered the apartment is beyond shocking...trash and bottles a foot deep. It's hard to believe just two years ago he served me a gourmet amazing meal in his pleasant little place.
I had been to the minister and got a small group to meet with him, so the church can send him messages and plan a supportive response when/if he is through treatment.
He is a gentle soul, overall, with a terrible disease. My hope for him is that this time, in this chapter of his life, he will be able to decide to live. He does know he is loved and valued, and has never been part of a community before. I hope the church makes the difference. His sister thinks it might.
Now I have to go write another thread about my D.
Hops