Why do my eyes puddle when someone is kind to me?

[phoenix]

Moonflower,

Melatonin sure helps me sleep, but I wake up puffy and groggy.

GABA has been great for me. I would suggest experimenting to find the right amount for you. I think  anything that induces sleep can  make you feel groggy in too great a quantity. GABA is still my first choice.

KAVA KAVA also is great for occasional use -  occasional because it is hard on the kidneys. But if you only have a few hours to sleep and need to wake up refreshed-Kava Kava is amazing. It brings on heavy colorful dreams. I like this myself as I often look to my dreams to work things out.

Twin labs has a mix that is 200mg GABA with 400mg niacinimide. I don't like the niacinimide for day use, so I like to buy the two seperate. I buy NOW brand of GABA (500 mg in powder capsules), and supplement with 200 mg niacinimide.

I find the capsules more useful, as they  can be pulled apart for lower dosage. Sometimes I use just a 4th of a capsule. If I am having a low day, I pour a capsule in water to drink throughout the day.

Here is info and a caution:

GABA
GAMA-AMINOBUTYRIC ACID, commonly known as GABA, is a non-essential amino acid formed from glutamic acid with the help of Vitamin B6. GABA functions as a neurotransmitter in the central nervous system, decreasing neuron activity thus preventing them from overfiring. With niacinamide (B3) and inositol, GABA prevents anxiety and stress-related messages from reaching the motor centers of the brain, and is essential for brain metabolism.

GABA can be taken to calm the body in much the same way as valium, librium, and other tranquilizers without the fear of addiction. It is increasingly being recommended in place of many of these drugs. GABA has been used in the treatment of epilepsy and hypertension. In addition, some research has shown that it may also be helpful in reducing enlarged prostates through stimulating the release of the hormone prolactin by the pituitary. Too much, however, can produce unpleasant symptoms like anxiety, shortness of breath, numbness around the mouth, and tingling in the extremeties. In addition, abnormal levels will interfere with the brain's message system, causing seizures.

http://www.innvista.com/health/nutrition/amino/gaba.htm

I hope this  works for you as well as it does for me. I hate being with out it, although I  don't use it on a daily basis.  Phoenix

[OnlyMe]

Long story short - I actually had throat surgery for what throat specialists now tell me was/ is just very tight throat muscles. I still have the same symptoms but am somewhat more aware of why I hold everything in. I wish I could move the tears out of my throat and up to my eyes. Amazingly to me, as I make progress with N issues, my throat relaxes.

 
On top of the emotional abuse we suffer as a result of our NParents, we also have physical manifestations of it as well.  As I read this, Les, I am sitting here with huge knots in my shoulders - I have had them for as long as I can remember, and I am sure they are caused by living in the 'fight or flight' mode my entire life.  And, like you, as I make progress with my N issues, my knots are not quite as painful, but they never go away.   A few years ago, when I was having a massage, I suddenly started to cry, for no apparent reason.  The massage therapist explained that when a muscle knot starts to loosen, the emotion that caused it initially, years ago,  is released, and that my tears were the release of that emotion.  

It makes me sad and angry at the same time when I see, read and learn about the abuse that so many of us have had to endure at the hands of the very people who are meant to love us unconditionally.   When I thought I was the only one going through this pain, I was coping, somehow feeling that I must have deserved it all, but since discovering this Board, I find it an absolute horror to learn that there are so  many of us who have been damaged my our NParents, the very people we should be able to trust with our lives.

~onlyme

(Les, i rec'd your pm re personal alarms - thank you for your kind words...same back to you.)

[Discounted Girl]

I know about the lumps in the throat, the dry mouth and the trembling lips -- about the sudden spasm in the stomach that feels as if an invisible foot just kicked me. The tension in my neck and shoulders has given me severe headaches since I was 10 yr old. When I speak to old school chums, they all remember my headaches. I have noticed in the last few years that I don't get as many as I once did, but when I do it is a doozie. I have a little shiatsu massager that provides relief when I cannot get my husband to massage my scalp, neck and shoulders, but your skin can only take so much of that hard rolling, deep massage. I once had a masseuse say "wow, that knot has been there a long time hasn't it." Ah, if she only knew that it was left over from a lifetime of tension -- vigilance for the whammee to come out of nowhere and sleepless nights for a little girl trying to figure out what she had done wrong.
 

[OnlyMe]

Ah, if she only knew that it was left over from a lifetime of tension -- vigilance for the whammee to come out of nowhere and sleepless nights for a little girl trying to figure out what she had done wrong.

Here come the tears, for that sentence so eloquently describes me and my life, too.
I still can hardly believe that I am not the only one who lived that kind of life.
How blessed and thankful I feel to have found this place.  There is a hope for healing, here.

[Moonflower]

.........

[Guest2]

L-tryptophan and OmegaBrite are both seretonin elevators and I have noticed a big difference taking them. For depression take 6 of the Omega
Brite per day. I got this recomendation from a psychiatrist of a friend who was depressed. He took them himself!!! Both can be ordered over the Internet or you can locate the information and call their 800 number. I do not sleep well either and they help.

[Anonymous]

I had lots of physical manifestations as well. For years couldn't sleep. Stomach problems, nervousness and above all adrenalin rushing all the time. I wore out my adrenal glands.

I wish any of that sleep stuff worked for me. Melatonin gave me not only dreams but scary ones, so be careful with the right dose. You might want to experiment.

[Cj]

QUOTE: (DiscountedGirl)  '' I once had a masseuse say "wow, that knot has been there a long time hasn't it." Ah, if she only knew that it was left over from a lifetime of tension -- vigilance for the whammee to come out of nowhere and sleepless nights for a little girl trying to figure out what she had done wrong. ''
***********************************************************

I hear that. I remember one time I was with a girl during my teens, and she commented I was tense. She said couldn't belive how tense I was (after touching my shoulders). I'm not sure I even knew what 'tense' even meant, as such. I was always tense. How I felt didn't matter anyway (!). So yeah, to me 'tense' was normal. Um...sorry to be depressing, but I have no doubt this s**t has taken a few years of me, being keyed up for so long. Churning, churning churning. Its like you kick into a gear, and stay locked in it, even if its slow burning, and not necessarily panic attacks every day. Can't be good. Maybe I'd get a little more benefit from it now (a good, proper massage), but in the past I would have got one, felt better, then my mind would probably just *spring* back into its 'natural' high wired state afterwards. :S.

[stillstanding]

Oh,OM, I wish I could be there to give you a hug and just sit and listen! I feel a special kinship to you since we're both the only children of N parents.

Your stories reminded me of when i was teaching kindergarten and the kids gave me a lovely present, and I broke down and SOBBED!  Scared the kids half to death.  Geesh remind me not to give presents to grown-ups if this is how they act!  Is school over yet?

But the bottom line,OM, is that I was carrying around such pain, and it was right there, just beneath the surface.  It was as if my sadness had  dwarfed all my other emotions, so that when any event went rumbling through my emtional storeroom,  it fell into this huge vat of sadness.

OM, do you have  a place where you can vent regularly?  That's been such a help to me.  All the years of having no refuge,no reality check, have finally been exorcised out of my spirit (at least for the most part).   The first couple of times I saw my therapist, I just sat and sobbed.  She said she felt she was seeing my soul weeping.

OM, I agree with the other posts that you're probably a very sensitive soul.  After all, we grew up with  a finger extended in the air, constantly checking to see which way the wind was blowing.  But I do think  that anytime the narcissism is undiluted by other targets (siblings, for instance), the effect is even more detrimental.  The scars go especially deep when you feel YOU are the only one not capable of ever getting it right, YOU alone are not worthy of  uncondtional love, and YOU  alone don't deserve the air you breathe.  We have to rewrite the script for ourselves.

OM, this is a long hard road we've traveled.  I often wonder if I had siblings if I'd have realized sooner that it wasn't me.  Maybe not.   But it's part of what's made us who we are.

What's clear is that the journey has made you sombody special.  Do you know the story of the Velveteen Rabbit?  You're a real person.   Somebody worth taking care of.  Make sure you're exorcising your ghosts of the past too!

Stillstanding