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Tried to disappear/go NC and they hunted me down!!!

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JustKathy:
Okay ... coming back to this thread because it makes sense to continue here. They aren't going to back down. File this one under "How low can you go." Last week I got a note in the mail from my father that said my sister had been involved in a very serious car accident, and to please email him with our new phone number so he could give us details. Otherwise, he would mail me another update. At first I freaked, because I didn't think co-father would stoop that low. My first reaction was to go soft on him, and blame my NM. I thought that maybe he couldn't email me because NM was refusing to give him my email address (she's done that before - holds onto it as a form of power over others).

SO, I waited to see if another note would come with news of my sister's condition. Nothing. So at this point I'm assuming that the whole thing was a lie and NM put him up to it. It's now February and I haven't cashed their Christmas check, so she probably instructed him to take things to the next level in an attempt to verify that they have indeed found my new address. They know that I wouldn't respond if the letter were about the GC, or my mother's "cancer," so they went with my sister instead. I hate saying this, but that one no longer gets to me either. My sister hasn't returned an email or answered a phone call in three years because NM has ordered her to cease contact with me. I feel really sorry for her, being as old as she is and so completely brainwashed, but she could have walked away, as I did. She chose to stay under their umbrella, so it's becoming harder for me to care about her as well.

I'm just ANGRY at this point. They don't want me, they don't love me, so leave me alone. But they won't. It means losing control. Can't let THAT happen.

Hopalong:
Ugh.
Kathy, my thought is that if your parent was reaching out because they felt compassion for you knowing that you would want to be updated about a sibling's crisis (assuming hospitalization) and yet they KNOW you do not want to be in contact...if the parent's goal was really to meet a need of YOURS to be connected with what was happening to your sibling, another choice would be to:

Write you ad provide the name and address of the hospital and your sister's room number and the unit phone number if YOU wish to call for info on her condition, and
Give instructions to hospital staff that they have permission to answer any questions when the patient's sister calls

That would genuinely faciliate some connection or closure with you and your sister, if their real goal is supporting your and your sister's future relationship.

Otherwise, I think you're right. They're using this "crisis info" as a manipulation to get you in touch. Even if it's all real and something bad has happened to your sister.
It's still insider-information-as-BAIT.

I understand why you don't want to take the bait.

You could just call area hospitals and ask if your sister is a patient, or ask for her room. If she answers, tell her yourself you wish her well. If your parent/s answer, hang up.

Or you could write a snail-mail letter (email is pointless) and mail it to your sister WITHOUT a return address. Get somebody to mail it from another city if you like.

Ugh
Ugh
Ugh

sympathies,
Hops

JustKathy:

--- Quote ---Write you ad provide the name and address of the hospital and your sister's room number and the unit phone number if YOU wish to call for info
--- End quote ---

Hops, that was exactly my thought. A note of genuine concern would have read: "Your sister was in a serious car accident and has been hospitalized at _______."

My gut feeling tells me that this was nothing more than a fender bender, car is smashed up, she's a little sore. I have an Aunt who has looked out for me all my life, and that Aunt is my sister's boss (ironically, they work at a hospital). If something serious had happened, my Aunt would have contacted me. I think this was probably a minor accident that was used to manipulate me in a major way. SICK! I'm not going to send any cards because that would provide confirmation that I received F's letter, and I want them kept in the dark, forever, if possible. I swear, the games they play.

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