you've spent years attempting to order "spicy" food in various restaurants over the past 30 years.
Everyone has a different idea of what "spicy" is, and it's really really different.
::remembering servers' dubious questioning::
"You want "Tai hot, or just spicy hot?"
"You want Tai hot or American hot?"
As an ongoing orderer of "very" spicy food, I pay close attention to the emphasis given to words during these exchanges, carefully gaging the knowledge, reliability and seriousness of the particular serving involved.
I'll continue looking the waiter in the eye, head titlted, carefully trying to discern further nuances that will clue me in.....
"SSSSsssssssspicey hot" in a hesitant manner if I sense the waiter has my best interest in mind, knows the chef well, and harbors the least amount of fear on my behalf.
Or......
I might respond "[i]Tai [/i] HOT, definately" if the waiter looks unconcerned, and familiar with sending dishes back bc they're the least big spicy, (esp if I was recently served "mild" food the last time I hesitated, and didn't emphatically insist on the hottest choice offered, which is usually where I get in to trouble with overtly painful spicy dishes.)
On one occasion the food arrived perfectly spicy, with the kitchen staff sticking their head heads out to watch my reaction to the dish, retreating in dissapointment as I tucked in with gusto.
Presumably they felt I'd asked for something I couldn't handle, and wanted to see the shock, pain and surprise on my face, while congratulating themselves on teaching me a lesson.
I prefer not to entertain more nefarious scenarios involving ingredients other than chilis in the kitchen: /
In any case, everyone has their own unique perceptions, and that's one of the things making it difficult to find understanding, IME.
We try to discern a person's reliability and trustworthiness, only to find we completely missed the mark, or that it's impossible to have the smallest conversation, bc we're contstantly stepping over each others triggers.
It's a journey. ::nodding::
Lighter